Rabble Rabble Rabble Etc.

In Canada they call this, Tuesdays

2012-02-01T09:35:00.000-08:00

Isn't getting liquored up before you climb onto a Zamboni required. I would guess the Canadian Embassy will be calling, demanding the release of this man on the grounds he's now a political prisoner. I mean seriously, I'm not a fan of drunk driving whatsoever but how do you get arrested for drunk driving if you're not even on the road? Rabble-B

Man arrested after allegedly driving Zamboni while drunk

Found 16 hours ago on NESN.com:

Via NESN:
There aren't many worse things you can do as an employee than driving drunk while at work, a fact that extends to Zamboni drivers.
A 34-year-old man was arrested in Apple Valley, Minn., after police were called to the local rink to investigate what was some erratic Zamboni driving, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reports. The part-time employee was having problems getting the Zamboni off the ice after his sloppy driving while on the ice.
"He looked like I do when I have my allergy attacks," youth hockey coach Bryan Dornstreich said. "I didn't really think anything of it."
While Dornstreich was working with a referee, a parent came over to say that the attendant was "weaving all over, slurring his words."
Witnesses noticed that the job, which usually takes about 10 minutes, took him 25 minutes to complete because he attempted to fix missed spots.
Dornstreich warned the referee, who was in charge of moving the nets off the ice, to stay clear of the driver. The coach then made sure that everybody stayed away from the glass during the joyride. When the man finished his sloppy work, parents had to go onto the ice to "scrape off the rough parts" so the team could practice.
The man also reportedly stumbled and smelled of booze and was arrested by authorities after he failed field sobriety tests. The investigation is ongoing and he's yet to be charged, but state records state the man in question has been convicted of drunk driving on three other occasions, according to the Star Tribune.

Ride the Rainbow!

2012-01-30T22:33:00.000-08:00

Definitely my new favorite Youtube video. Unrabble-B

Li'l Rascal

2012-01-28T22:24:00.000-08:00

Pretty sure all Rascals should not be able to go any faster than an average, able bodied, person can walk. Just saying. Rabble-B

Space Monkey?

2012-01-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

So I know people choke themselves to the point of passing out and I know these people have mental issues and need help and it's unfortunate. But until I read this article I didn't realize people, college students, do it to each other to get high?! What the fuck man?! If someone tried to put a plastic bag over my head I would knock their teeth out. Right? This is one of the very dumbest things I've ever heard of. If you want to get high, SMOKE SOME POT! Don't choke yourself.

I think that should be a new PSA. If you want to get high, smoke a joint. Don't choke yourself. "The more you know", followed by a rainbow comet. Fucking idiots... Rabble-B

Read the article...

Students Report Playing Dangerous 'Choking Game'

One in seven at a Texas university tried it, survey finds

-- Robert Preidt

FRIDAY, Jan. 27 (HealthDay News) -- The "choking game" has been played by nearly one in seven students who were surveyed at a Texas university, a new study finds.
This so-called 'game' is played individually or in groups and involves deliberately cutting off blood flow to the brain in order to achieve a high. This is done by choking oneself or others, applying a ligature around the neck, placing a plastic bag over the head, placing heavy objects on the chest, or hyperventilating.
The dangerous behavior -- also called the "fainting game," "pass out" or "space monkey" -- has led to several suffocation deaths in Texas and around the country, according to researchers at the Crime Victims' Institute at Sam Houston State University.
"This study was undertaken to determine who is playing the game, in what context, and how they learned about it," Glen Kercher, director of the Crime Victims' Institute, said in a university news release. "It is our hope that these findings will inform efforts by parents, schools and community agencies to warn young people about the dangers of participating in the choking game."
The investigators conducted a survey of 837 university students and found that 16 percent reported having played the choking game and 72 percent of those students said they had done so more than once. The average age when students first played the choking game was 14, and 90 percent of those who had played the game first heard about it from peers.
Curiosity was the primary motivation for playing the choking game and most of those who had participated said others were present. Males were more likely to have participated than females, the findings showed.
Learning about the potential dangers of the choking game acted as a deterrent for most the students who had never engaged in this behavior.
"This 'game,' as it is often called, does not require obtaining any drugs or alcohol, is free, and can go undetected by many parents, teachers, physicians and other authority figures. Most importantly, many of those who engage in this activity do not understand that the practice can be just as deadly as the illegal substances youth have been warned against," the study authors pointed out in the news release.

SOURCE: Sam Houston State University, news release, Jan. 18, 2012

Copyright @2011 HealthDay. All Rights Reserved.

Pitfalls

2012-01-26T20:31:00.000-08:00

Dear food scientists,

While I am generally against genetically modified foods (like how we only have one banana strain grown commercially that is susceptible to an apocalyptic plague, and don't get me started on Monsanto again) I have to ask, why can you not breed avocados with tiny pits? The pit in an avocado is enormous, removing one is what I think it's like to perform a c-section. More importantly, it wastes internal avocado space that could be used for the tasty part and guacamole fixin's.

Sincerely,

Rabble-B

When Animals Attack

2012-01-17T23:22:00.000-08:00

What happened to this show? Remember when the the Cheetah attacked the guy inside the cab of his truck? Seriously, awesome-ist show on television. Please start filming new episodes. Rabble-B

Down With the Ship?

2012-01-16T23:24:00.000-08:00

So I read that the captain of the cruise ship that crashed into a bunch of rocks on the Italian coast drove off course so one of the wait staff could WAVE TO HIS FAMILY AS HE WENT BY! What?! What the fuck are you talking about? Look at the picture, you're like 50 feet from shore in a ship/small city that drafts like what, 25 or 30 feet. What were you thinking? Dude, you're not on a spring break booze cruise in your buddy's ski boat, driving by some hot chicks in bikinis on Lake Havasu. You're the well paid and well trained captain of a ginormous ship with 4,000 people on it. Their safety is your responsibility. Get it together you dumbass. You deserve to be charged with manslaughter and abandoning your ship. What, don't tell me they don't teach that the captain goes down with the ship in nautical school. If that's not something you're comfortable with then YOU NEVER SHOULD'VE BECOME A BOAT CAPTAIN! You acted like George Constanza when in the episode where he's at the kid's birthday party and thinks there's a fire and pushes all the kids and old ladies out of the way so he can escape. You're a dick and a coward. Have fun in Italian prison douche bag. Rabble-B

Baking in the Desert

2012-01-14T00:15:00.000-08:00

I think frying an egg on a rock outside the festival gates would be more fun than going into Coachella. How the hell did the people who thought up Coachella and continue to put it on every year manage to convince tens of thousands of people they should cough up $400 and drive, fly or walk their way to the middle of nowhere in the desert to Indio, California? Seriously, it's a shitty town in the desert. Yeah, I know rad bands play every year. And this year is possibly the best lineup I've ever seen at a festival, anywhere. But festivals suck (maybe they're cool in Europe). Who wants to spend a whole weekend in 100 degree heat with 40,000 stinky, drunk, stoned, jackasses, and hippies, only to sort of, not actually really get to see the great (or often mediocre at best) music you paid to see? Not me. I can't even handle a crowded grocery store, or my job sometimes. Coachella is like Burning Man, possibly the worst festival, if you can call it that, on the planet. Sometimes I dream the Burning Man would fall over and incinerate thousands of stupid hippies. Someday... but I digress. I'd rather sit at home and watch Family Matters reruns on a black and white tv while sitting naked in ice bath holding a working toaster in one hand and a pissed off mongoose in the other and sipping rancid V8 than go to Coachella. So yeah, have fun all you folks who paid way too much money and sold out both weekends in two hours to have no memory of said weekend except for a wicked sunburn because you're too stupid or macho to put on sunscreen. I'll be content to see Jeff Mangum at the Fox Theater in Oakland for just one, awesomely mellow night of good music, with a few people who actually are there to see music. Rabble-B

BARTworld, BARTworld, party time, excellent, didolodidolodidolo

2012-01-13T10:04:00.000-08:00

Since I ride the BART now everyday I've decided to start a new recurring piece. More recurring than the Quote of the Week which is not all that recurring as well as The High Flying Adventures of CAM-10 which doesn't work so well when your camera is sort of broken for a while. Waterproof? Sure.

Anyway, short of hanging out in Civic Center all day, riding the BART is the best way to see, hear and experience crazy shit at it's best. It's really more entertaining than most anything else I can imagine, like the guy toting an enormous loaf of bread (not in a bag) and perusing the latest bread news on some bread website on his iPhone.

But that's JV shit. Earlier this week I sat in front of a man (?) with a giant pile of papers and plastic and junk that he was rearranging or something. Said man (?) was dressed in some super tight, odd garb and just jammin' out hard to something on his cassette walkman, which I should mention was rubberbanded to a box of candy. As we neared his stop he decided to noisily bag up all his papers and junk and oh, yeah, his giant stick of cotton candy. But he didn't have a taste for sweets that day because he lit a cigarette at that time. Seriously, who smokes on a subway? What the fuck? Not to mention it's pretty illegal. And then we stopped, he bounced off mumbling most of the way and vanished. Ah, the crazy. Rabble-B

Best Friends

2012-01-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

So I came home tonight to find our friendly, neighborhood roaming cat and a skunk playing together in my backyard. Seriously, a skunk. Apparently I broke up their merriment because they both dashed away. I've never seen a skunk in the city but maybe he was trying to rent a place, I don't know.

More importantly, yesterday, somehow my blog got 334 page views. And like 50 something today too. That's like a good months worth usually for me, which I'm already pretty proud of considering I write long, rambling rabbles about stupid shit that bothers me. I'm surprised anyone pays attention. Can anyone tell me how to keep racking up mega page views and maybe more subscriptions? I have like 12 subscribers. Maybe someone will pay me to advertise on my blog. And maybe Newt Gingrich will be president. Yeah, I know, it was worth a shot. Unrabble (except if America proves it's collective IQ is even lower than technically, mentally disabled and elects Newt Gingrich then mega rabble)-B

The New Letter of the Law

2012-01-11T09:56:00.000-08:00

We can't even follow the laws we already have so who the hell authorized the passage of these absurd new laws to be on the books for 2012?

Delaware— Civil unions or domestic partnerships for same-sex couples are legalized, giving them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married but clarifying that marriage is between a man and a woman.

Aaawwwww come people, for fuck's sake! When are we going to give up on this, "marriage is between a man and a woman" crap? It's tired and old. I mean, it's great that gays and lesbians get the same legal status as married folks but really, come on. Why do you even care who gets married and who doesn't? It doesn't affect you. Why don't we worry about all the straight people getting divorced and the resulting broken families and societal harm instead?

Georgia
— New safety requirements for cities that allow drivers to steer their golf carts off the green and onto roads and multi-use paths, including brakes, reverse warning devices and a horn.

More importantly, why are golf carts allowed on the road?

Illinois
— Motorcyclists stopped at a red light may proceed through if it fails to change to green after a reasonable length of time.

Ooohhhh yeah, what a great idea. I see this one being repealed after the first dozen splatterings.

North Carolina
— State tax collector will have fewer powers to force corporations to redo their tax returns if they're suspected of dodging taxes.

Okay boys, pack up the fortune 500, we're relocating for North Carolina. I'm taking the jet, see you there.

Utah
— New laws make any daily drink specials illegal, essentially banning happy hour.

Remember Germany or Florida? Try again, Utah. Being a wino in Utah has to be quite an accomplishment. And Salt Lake City wins for being in two posts in a row.

Rabble-B

Shiver Me Timbers

2012-01-10T23:00:00.000-08:00

The gayest city in the US? Mine, right? Or really, the 24/7 gay-a-thon as people like to envision it, fifteen minutes down the road from me, San Francicso. If this was a geography quiz you'd be warmish but...

Salt Lake City.

Yeah, the one in Utah. No joke, and this is according to The Advocate, a nationally recognized gay and lesbian publication.

Read the article for yourself. http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/10/10097194-gayest-us-town-surprise-its-salt-lake-city

Rabble?-B

God vs. The Rapist

2012-01-10T12:10:00.000-08:00

Remember the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skit when Sean Connery asks for the category "The Rapists" and Alex Trebek corrects him with the correct title, "Therapists"? Though Celebrity Jeopardy might be the best SNL skits of all time, rape isn't funny. Which brings me to Ben "giant piece of shit rapist that never did any time because he's a rich football player" Rothelisberger, quarterback for the Steelers. And on the opposite end of the spectrum Tim "did I tell you I'm Christian yet today" Tebow and a wildcard playoff game that took place last Sunday.

Now, I'm not sure how Timmy reconciles working on the Lord's Day but I'm sure glad he does. Tebow has a lot of detractors and plenty of fans too with the meteoric rise of Tebow Nation. I think it's great Tim Tebow is Christian, and frankly all the people ripping him up for that are just a bunch of jackasses that think they're better than religion or spirituality but really project a more "holier than thou" attitude than Tebow or most religious folks I know. But, for the record, "Yeah, Tim, we get it, just go win some more games now please."

Anyway, the point of this rabble is go Broncos, go Tebow and go God! Because any possible reason Ben and the Steelers can be defeated, preferably with Ben getting carted off the field with a broken pelvis, is A-okay with me. Suck it Ben, God loves everyone, but he isn't fond of unrepentant (I know you apologized and settled out of court but we're not buying that shit) rapists so yeah, don't look forward to many more NFL championships in the future. Just watch out for the D-line son!

Next weeks headline God vs. Cheaters and Douches, when Timmy and the Broncos take on the Patriots. Here's advice for you guys in the red, white and blue. Belichick, one of the ten commandments says not to bear false witness, and cheating, like taping your opponents practices to get an edge is lying. Watch out brossif. And sir Brady, I'm pretty sure there's a rule somewhere in the Bible or Koran or Bagavad Gitas about not being a stupid douche. So yeah, wear some extra helmet padding and be careful of lightning seeing as you're playing outside. Rabble-B

Awh-some!

2012-01-06T15:48:00.000-08:00

No more politicians, NH eatery owner says

By Sevil Omer, msnbc.com

A New Hampshire restaurant owner says he is so fed up with the flurry of GOP presidential candidates at his Portsmouth eatery that he put up his own 2012 slogan: "No Politicians, No Exceptions."
For months, politicians, their staff and news media have stormed New Hampshire restaurants during the campaign for the White House.
Seeing no sign of easing until the Jan. 10 presidential primary, Jeremy Colby, owner of Colby's Breakfast & Lunch, said he had to do something to end the circus inside his small business located near the Massachusetts border.
“There is no forewarning and all of a sudden they come in and we are overrun by cameras and blah, blah and blah,” Colby told msnbc.com. “We’re trying to run a business here and this whole meet-and-greet and vote for me deal is very distractive and disruptive, not only to our staff but to our customers.

"It’s hard and I find it very rude," he said.Visits from Texas Governor Rick Perry and former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann sealed the deal to slap the sign on the door, he said.“We just had had enough.”

It's been 16 minutes...

2012-01-05T20:00:00.000-08:00

Life in plastic, it's fantastic!

Barbie, the ultimate career gal who loves to dress up, is teaming up with three new like-minded friends: Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian!

A source tells the new Us Weekly, on stands Friday, that the reality stars will be immortalized as Barbie's pals in an upcoming limited-edition doll line. "The dolls will reflect the girls' measurements and may even come in Kardashian-designed outfits," says a source.

I found the preceding piece on MSN today. I'm starting to believe the Mayan calendar. Only in the end times could the Kardashians become Barbie dolls. When people, when the fuck are we going to stop caring about these people that have no talent, no intelligence and do not positively contribute to society? They are the epitome of absurdity. You know why the Kardashians are famous? Nope, it has nothing to do with their plastic dad, who really could be a Ken doll, Bruce Jenner. It's because Kim made a sex tape that found it's way to the internet. By that measure thousands more undeserving people should be famous. Thank God they're not, yet... Rabble-B

New Year Blah, Blah, Gitmo

2012-01-04T11:01:00.000-08:00

So I had a pretty rad 2011 and unlike most (it seems like everyone has a shitty year every year and hope the next will be way more radtastical but they don't ever do anything to change to actively and positively change their lives and instead start each new year passed out on dingy apartment carpeting with vomit and pizza stuck to their face) was not trying to boot it off the ship in favor of this shiny new car smell 2012. But, so be it, new car smell and all, what's up 2012?!

And since I've been chained up in a dungeon of long, brown hair, and estrogen for most of the last week I finally got to peep some news today and what should I find but:

Obama to name new consumer watchdog

Haraz N. Ghanbari / AP

Richard Cordray talks with reporters after stepping off Air Force One at Cleveland Hopkins Airport in Cleveland, Ohio, Wednesday, Jan. 4, 2012. In a defiant display of executive power, President Barack Obama on Wednesday will buck GOP opposition and name Cordray as the nation's chief consumer watchdog. Outraged Republican leaders in Congress suggested that courts would determine the appointment was illegal. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)

Well hot damn! For all you folks who didn't think Obama was Jesus here ya go. Stickin' it to the big banks and the republicans. Except, if the president had any balls it would've been his original choice, Elizabeth Warren, instead of some brosty from Ohio I've never heard of and it would've been handled a couple years ago. But, hey, sounds like the republicans and Wall Street are scared of this guy so yee ha! Good going.

But then, longing to bask in the glory of 2011 I rewound my news coverage and found this:

Close Obama Says Bill Breaks With Our Values, Signs It Anyway

By Conor Friedersdorf (The Atlantic)

Though he pledges not to take them himself, why is the president empowering his successors to take actions that he admits are un-American?

For many liberals, the ACLU fulfills a role akin to a canary in a coal mine: it's beyond the capacity of the average citizen to monitor every piece of legislation that might impact civil liberties, but when the organization starts freaking out it's taken as a credible signal that our rights are in peril. As America turned its calendars from 2011 to 2012, we witnessed that kind of moment. "President Obama's action today is a blight on his legacy because he will forever be known as the president who signed indefinite detention without charge or trial into law," said Anthony D. Romero, the ACLU's executive director. "The statute is particularly dangerous because it has no temporal or geographic limitations, and can be used by this and future presidents to militarily detain people captured far from any battlefield." Warnings are seldom so dire.

And from the Washington Post:

“I have signed this bill despite having serious reservations with certain provisions that regulate the detention, interrogation, and prosecution of suspected terrorists,” Obama said. “I want to clarify that my Administration will not authorize the indefinite military detention without trial of American citizens. Indeed, I believe that doing so would break with our most important traditions and values as a Nation.”

On New Years Eve (you couldn't have waited one more day?) Obama signs a defense bill, he previously threatened to veto, that allows the military to indefinitely incarcerate American citizens suspected of terrorism without trial. After he signs it he says it breaks with our core values as a nation and that his administration won't do it (phew, crisis over). So besides taking a giant shit on the end of my awesome 2011, the spineless, run of the mill, liar caving to money and power politician, president Obama obliterates American civil rights, not to mention human rights, and then admits it? I'm truly stunned. Isn't that terrorism? Does this mean we can hold congress and the president at Guantanamo and elect a whole, fresh government? That could work. Rabble-B

Cherry Pie

2011-12-29T12:39:00.000-08:00

Some observations about Twin Peaks...

First, Hawk is the raddest-ass character in a TV series, ever. Don't agree? I don't care, Hawk will throw a machete at you.
I'm pretty sure Donna's hair gets exponentially larger throughout the two seasons of the show, which is especially weird because the first like 18 episodes are supposed to take place in about a two week time frame.
When do these kids go to school? Despite a small handful of scenes that take place at school and mostly have to do with a 35 year old woman who thinks she's a teenager, these kids are always out of school. It's not summer break. So do they just skip class all the time and no one cares? I mean, I'm pretty sure Bobby and Shelly have dropped out but what the hell?
I can't think of a character from any other television show more annoying than Josie Packard. She makes Steve Urkel look sympathetic. And what makes her even worse is Joann Chen is a terrible actress.
Where is the White Lodge and is it made of candy?
If the owls are not what they seem than what the fuck are they? I think they fly Bob around from person to person.
I love the giant., he's so friendly and helpful.
At what time in 1980's Washington was it legal for teenagers to drink in a bar? I've been to North Bend, they card.
Lastly, why the hell did it get canceled after only two seasons? It is honestly one of the most entertaining shows ever written. Bizarre? Yes, it's David Lynch, but it makes Lost look predictable and easy to follow. Rabble over. Rabble-B

Your Shoes Suck

2011-12-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

So apparently yesterday just in time for last minute Christmas chaos, Nike reissued a new limited edition version of the original Air Jordans based on the 1995 shoe. I had a pair of those when I was five and I must have done a lot of chores or whining to get my mom to buy me a pair because they weren't cheap. But, they were freakin' sweet. Even though I still sucked at basketball I loved them and I'll never forget how excited every kid I knew was about them.

So funny enough when about ten days ago I see a big scary looking dude rollin' down the sidewalk wearing a pair of the original, white Air Jordans in excellent condition. I really wanted to stop him and take a picture but like I was a little wary of him, not to mention the fact he was wearing a shirt that said, "Your Shoes Suck!" with a picture of a guy flipping the bird. Yeah, right?! I'm pretty sure those are the only shoes you can sport when you are wearing a shirt like that and I wouldn't want to see those shoes without that shirt either. So I assume brossif just has a closet full of them from back in the day. And we'll probably never know because it'll be difficult to discern from all the other idiots wearing fake Air Jordans now, but maybe if we look for the t-shirt. be on the look out folks. Unrabble-B

Hack Job

2011-12-22T11:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, maybe I jumped the gun a minute on the whole middle class tax cut extension thing. Seeing as the Senate passed the bill (albeit only for 2 f-ing months), they did it 89-10. That's a pretty overwhelming majority. I imagine a few of those 'no' votes were senators cranky after being awakened from a nap in their chair and slapping the 'no' button out of spite without having any idea what for. Anyway, the House, big bunch of whiny bitches that they are, can't seem to agree on anything. And bless the little hearts of the republicans, some of them are fighting for a much longer extension (among other crap), which I fully agree with for the middle class anyway. The problem for them is, and it's just great, they're making Obama and the democrats look like the ones pushing against the republicans for a tax cut. The Wall Street Journal pointed this out and I almost peed myself laughing and leads me to my next paragraph...

Ahem. Stupid republican morons, you're just making yourself look like big government tax hounds. And your fickle constituents are gonna fry you for it. Even better, Obama would actually politically benefit from letting the tax cuts expire at this point, after he fought and proposed a bill to extend them, again making you republican r-tards look like the r-tards you actually are. Brilliant. Except Obama maybe still has a little too much idealism to act like that. Or, maybe not, but he seems to be fighting for the common man, the middle class here, and you fuck up conservative folks are about to toss yourself into the at home deep fryer (thanksgiving turkey style) you set up in your living room so boiling oil will splash everywhere, catch fire and burn your house to the ground leaving you without anywhere to spend the holidays but in a government run shelter, open on Christmas day thanks to tax dollars and big hearted volunteers, snacking on a turkey leg deep fried in the same fryer as yours but prepared in a safe, smart way, outside (with no paper plates, tablecloths or trees around). Karma's a bitch. Best be good or Santa will put a dradle in your stocking. Rabble-B

Way to breathe, no breath

2011-12-20T12:17:00.000-08:00

If I had a super power I would choose adhesive breath. Think about it. Totally badass. Unrabble-B

Metal Stroller Kitty

2011-12-19T21:11:00.000-08:00

So my favorite thing about San Francisco, aside from Giordano Bros. where they put fries on your sandwich (and you have to forgive them because it's a Pittsburgh oriented joint, which isn't an issue except for the Steelers, the most vile football team in history captained by captain douche, Ben "rape isn't a big deal when you're rich" Rothelisberger. But I digress...), is Metal Stroller Kitty. It's a dude who's obviously crazy and homeless, pushing a stroller (okay...) with a boombox strapped to it blaring metal. And not like Twisted Sister or something, "oh yeah, they're heavy metal and shit." What?! No like real metal, Cannibal Corpse style, or Mayhem or whatever legit metal band you like, all with a crazed kitty leashed to the stroller with a spike collar. Most likely the kitty is perched on the edge of the stroller too, trying to figure out whose throat he wants to slice up next. Yeah, that's Metal Stroller Kitty. Check yourself! Unrabble-B

Stay of Execution

2011-12-17T11:18:00.000-08:00

Yaaayyyyaaayyyy (arms flailing wildly like Kermit the Frog)!!! Someone in congress read my rabble because they passed the payroll tax cut extension by an 89-10 vote. Wow, congress really is thinking about the middle class and working America. Oh, haha, wait, they only extended it for two months. Two months?! What the fuck is wrong with you people?! Two months? Wow, I can't wait to figure out how I'm gonna spend my extra $16. I could a CD, if only people other than me listened to physical media any more.

Anyway, good going congress, you passed the tax cut extension so you can go home for the holidays with a clear conscience knowing that you're working hard for the people. Really? You're just gonna have to deal with this shit all over again in what will feel like tomorrow. You are the worst bunch of indecisive procrastinators I've ever heard of! Geez! Rabble-B

Taxman is not a Beatles song

2011-12-15T14:09:00.000-08:00

So the national payroll tax cut is set to expire (or has what's euphemistically called a sunset clause) at the end of the year. And, as you would suspect, congress doesn't have any immediate plans to address that. Of course liberals want to tax the shit out of everybody, despite their claims of caring for the common man, and conservatives don't want anyone to pay taxes, especially rich folks. Now that we're all in agreement I'll tell you I'm all for taxes, in moderation, when they're used for the benefit of society. Economists however, have warned us against letting this tax cut expire at such a sensitive time in the middle of our slow recovery. This affects middle class families, the backbone of America, and all the hyperbolic names and phrases that go along with the words "middle class".

Now, Obama has proposed, as a part of a bigger plan, to cut the payroll tax further than it's already cut from 4.2% to 3.1% otherwise it will jump back to 6.2%. It's estimated that would put $180 billion into consumer pockets, to spend and support the economy. I'll be the first to say that the Obama tenure is disappointing thus far. I mean, yeah it's pretty rad he finally got Bin Laden (suck it Bush) but Guantanamo is still open, a severe lack of leadership for environmental protection, and pathetic, watered down (in fact I can't even taste the alcohol it in) healthcare and Wall Street reforms all point to a lackluster, albeit better than the alternative, presidency. Oh, yeah, and the decade long Iraq war is officially over now... Yeah, sure. BUT, cheers to Obama for proposing a plan that supports and realizes the value of the middle class to the economy and the country.

Now, what's the problem? Oh, wait, it's the whole point of this rabble, CONGRESS! Both parties constantly talk about "middle class tax cuts", so lets see them prove that they're not completely full of shit for once and extend this tax cut and maybe even adopt the Obama plan. It's not hard, they only work like six months a year for fuck's sake! Well, lets be real though, all any of the five hundred some odd members of congress are thinking about is elections and how much money they can snag from lobbyists so lets not count on it. Rabble-B

My new favorite beer

2011-12-14T13:18:00.000-08:00

Mustang beer from Nepal. It's like beer flavor crystals conspiring with your taste buds to trick you into getting accidentally wasted just because it's so tasty you want to keep drinking it. I'm not sure where it's available, it's definitely not widely distributed. I had one at an Indian restaurant in Berkeley. Luckily it wasn't distributed in six pack form so I managed to avoid the previously mentioned scenario. Find it in your 'hood, and if you can't, demand your local watering hole start carrying it or you'll start picketing. It'll be worth the potential jail time and/or inevitable homelessness that follows not having a job because you're picketing all day instead of working. Trade off's, great beer or a roof. I know what I'm choosing. Unrabble-B

Pot o' Gold

2011-12-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

Every time I eat Lucky Charms I wish there were more marshmallows but I'm pretty sure if they made a cereal that was just marshmallows it would be gross. Rabble-B

If this happened in any other state...

2011-12-10T21:24:00.000-08:00

I would actually be surprised. We'll give the Utah incident a pass but if you told me this story I would instantly guess Florida. Unless it involved Dick Cheney, then all bets are off. Rabble-B

Another dog shoots hunter, this time in Florida

By msnbc.com staff

It's happened again: A hunting dog has shot its master.
This time, a man in Florida was hit in the thigh by a round from his Remington .308 on Saturday, TBO.com reported.

The culprit was a bulldog named Eli. Authorities told TBO.com that Billy E. Brown, 78, was driving to go deer hunting with a friend on a bumpy road in Pasco County near Tampa when Eli "got excited in the truck" and bumped the rifle. The gun discharged, the bullet hit Brown in the right thigh, and he was taken to St. Joseph's Hospital in Tampa, said Officer George Wells, spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Brown's condition was not released.
Wells said Brown and the friend were about one-and-a-half miles into the woods when the accident -- if you're buying that the dog didn't mean to do that -- occurred.
The name of Brown's friend was not released. The two have been hunting together for more than 25 years, Wells told TBO.com.
This incident follows one Dec. 1 in which a hunter in Utah was hit in the buttocks by birdshot after his dog stepped on a shotgun laid across the bow of a boat. The Salt Lake City Tribune said the wounded hunter had 27 pellets removed from ... well, you know.

Mine doesn't chomp anymore...

2011-12-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

Was Hungry, Hungry Hipppos not the raddest board game ever? Or is it just that I'm a child of the 80's (and 90's too really but Zach and the rest of the Saved by the Bell crew will have to wait their turn)? At least it was the best game ever until you invariably broke the tail, a.k.a.-hippo chomping leaver, stemming from too intense of gaming action. Just sayin'. Unrabble-B

High Beam

2011-12-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

What the hell is the deal with high beams in California? I'm pretty sure like 40% of the drivers in Cali roll around with their brights on. When did that become an acceptable thing? Are people just that arrogant and dickish down here or just that oblivious to their surroundings? It's gotta stop people, you're giving me a migraine. Rabble-B

Also...

2011-12-07T12:11:00.001-08:00

it's Pearl Harbor Day. Show respect. Unrabbe-B

Think you're a Badass?

2011-12-07T11:50:00.000-08:00

Still want to be an Alaskan Fishing Guide? Rabble-B

Kermit Was an Alcoholic and Beat Miss Piggy Too

2011-12-06T10:47:00.000-08:00

Fox news is the most entertaining thing I have ever seen. I don't get why people protest them, they are hilarious. We should be encouraging them, salivating over what outlandish, baseless report, sorry op-ed piece, they'll conjure up next.

This time it's The Muppets. If you haven't seen the new movie, you should, it's great. The long and short of it is the Muppet studio is being taken over by an evil, oil baron named "Tex Richman" and the Muppets have to produce a telethon to save the studio. Gut-busting antics ensue. There's nothing else to it. Laugh, cry, whatever and then watch this piece from Fox News. It's probably a better watch than the movie itself.

The Muppets are Communist?! brainwashing our kids?! And at the end the lady starts talking about the seven deadly sins?! Ahhhahaaahhhaahhhahaaaaahahahaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do you convey laughing, choking and tearing up and utter disbelief in words. Sorry I can't do my reaction justice. You know, to be fair, considering The Muppets were behind every US presidential assassination, I suppose they're a pretty politically oriented group. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure the state department classifies them as a terrorist organization too.

Just watch, it's worth the whole 7 minutes. Rabble-B

I Hear Banjo Music

2011-12-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this kind of shit still exists. I mean, an interracial couple? Yuck! Ok, really though, I know it's Kentucky, but how fucking ignorant do you have to be to publicly (or privately for that matter) against interracial relationships? And not just one person but nine members out of fifteen members? It's a serious question. I'm pretty sure that makes you too stupid to drive for one. Driver's license, revoked! You shouldn't be a parent anymore or be allowed to have kids if you're going to raise them in such a prejudiced manner. Kids, foster home! No kids yet, vasectomy! And you get a free lifetime supply of adult diapers because if you're so stupid to believe interracial couple are wrong then you're probably not smart enough to find a restroom when you have to take a piss.

And what's better, the guy in the article says he's not racist. Which leaves me to ask the question: HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU NOT RACIST?!

And lastly people, you run a church. Churches are supposed to welcome everyone, no matter what wrong (or not wrong at all) with them. A church is a place for a community to come together in a safe and supportive environment not for judgment. Leave that to God you morons.

Next thing you know we'll have a black president. Oh, wait... Sorry to burst your bubble boys. Rabble-B

Small Ky. church votes against interracial couples

Stella Harville and her fiancé, Ticha Chikuni are seen in Richmond, Ky., in a November 2010 photo provided by Stella Harville. Stella’s childhood church in Pike County, Kentucky, the Gulnare Free Will Baptist Church, voted to ban interracial couples from becoming members at the church after the pair sang a song during a visit to the church over the summer. (AP Photo/Stella Harville)

By DYLAN LOVAN

updated 11/30/2011 7:34:02 PM ET

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — A tiny all-white Appalachian church in rural Kentucky has voted to ban interracial couples from joining its flock, pitting members against each other in an argument over race.

Members at the Gulnare Free Will Baptist Church voted Sunday on the resolution, which says the church "does not condone interracial marriage."
The church member who crafted the resolution, Melvin Thompson, said he is not racist and called the matter an "internal affair."
"I am not racist. I will tell you that. I am not prejudiced against any race of people, have never in my lifetime spoke evil about a race," said Thompson, the church's former pastor who stepped down earlier this year. "That's what this is being portrayed as, but it is not."
Church secretary Dean Harville disagrees: He says the resolution came after his daughter visited the church this summer with her boyfriend from Africa.
Stella Harville and Ticha Chikuni — now her fiancé — visited the church in June and Chikuni sang a song for the congregation. The two had visited the church before.
Dean Harville, the church's secretary, said he was counting the church offering after a service in early August when he was approached by Thompson, who told him Harville's daughter and her boyfriend were no longer allowed to sing at the church.
"If he's not racist, what is this?" Harville said of Thompson.
The vote by members last Sunday was 9-6, Harville said. It was taken after the service, which about 35 to 40 people attended. Harville said many people left or declined to vote.
The resolution says anyone is welcome to attend services, but interracial couples could not become members or be "used in worship services or other church functions."
Stella Harville, a 24-year-old graduate student at Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology in Indiana, called the vote "hurtful."
"I think part of me is still in shock and trying to process what's been going on the past few days," she said. "I really hope they overturn this."
The church's pastor, Stacy Stepp, said Wednesday that he was against the resolution. Stepp said the denomination's regional conference will begin working on resolving the issue this weekend.
The National Association of Free Will Baptists in Antioch, Tenn., has no official position on interracial marriage for its 2,400 churches worldwide, executive secretary Keith Burden said. The denomination believes in the Bible is inerrant and local churches have autonomy over decision-making.
"It's been a non-issue with us," Burden said, adding that many interracial couples attend Free Will Baptist churches. He said the Pike County church acted on its own. Burden said the association can move to strip the local church of its affiliation with the national denomination if it's not resolved.
"Hopefully it is corrected quickly," Burden said.
The church's vote on interracial marriage was first reported this week by East Kentucky Broadcasting, a network of local radio stations in the region.
Stella Harville met Chikuni at Georgetown College, where he is a student advisor. Dean Harville said Chikuni's parents live in southern Africa, and he has not seen them in over a decade.

Weight Gain 5000

2011-11-28T11:14:00.000-08:00

I only gained a measly three pounds over Thanksgiving this year. What gives? I used to be able to put on the tonnage and let it metabolize while watching football all weekend. Guess I'm slowing down. Man, getting old sucks. Rabble-B

El Camino

2011-11-23T10:34:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that's right, the car your creepy, jailbird uncle rolls up onto your lawn in everytime he is released from county. Of course he has to go to grandma's house to pick it up first because she's the only one left in the family talking to him, which is all the more strange that he's at your house now...

Well, since Monsanto didn't send a hit man to my house last night I can tell you about El Camino the new Black Keys record coming out on Dec. 2nd. All I've heard so far is the single Lonely Boy but if it's any indication of the rest of the record I'll be rollin' down to Amoeba the day it's released.

I finally figured out how to link YouTube videos to my blog so check out the video for Lonely Boy it's awesome, the dude kills it! Unrabble-B

Iron Man, not so much

2011-11-22T16:36:00.000-08:00

This kind of thing should happen more often. Last story I read of companies trying to push their drugs for unapproved uses was for schizophrenic medication. I can't remember what company it was but they were telling doctors to prescribe their drugs for all sorts of unrelated ailments, like Alzheimer's and arthritis. Fuck that! If you're smart enough to develop a drug that helps schizophrenics you should be smart enough to realize that (much like my blog) you're audience is very limited and therefore you're only going to make so much money. Of course drug companies invest untold amounts of capital into r&d for plenty of products that never make it to market. They have to make up the difference somewhere, and of course greed (which we're all prone to) rears it's ugly, wart riddled, pussy blister ridden head too... So they push their drugs on people that don't need them and push doctors into prescribing them for unapproved uses. That is fucking despicable. You're screwing with life and well being here, not hiding your younger brother's favorite Lego spaceship, though you'd probably do that too if it made you money.

Aaaaannnnnyyyyway, below is the most recent incarnation if this story except this time Merck is shelling out almost A BILLION DOLLARS! in a settlement with the federal government. Good. Suck it Merck! Now if we can figure out how to bring down Monsanto we'd be in business. They'll probably send a hit man to my house for writing this so if I don't post anything the next few days call the authorities. Rabble-B

Merck to pay nearly $1 billion to settle US Vioxx charges

Civil charges said drug giant promoted the painkiller for unapproved use

msnbc.com news services

Merck & Co will pay roughly $950 million to settle criminal and civil charges that it promoted the painkiller drug Vioxx for an unapproved use, the U.S. Justice Department said on Tuesday.

The fine will conclude a long-running investigation into Merck's promotion of the drug, which was withdrawn from the market in September 2004. The Justice Department had alleged that Merck promoted the drug for treating rheumatoid arthritis before it had been approved for that condition by the Food and Drug Administration.

Merck had previously disclosed to investors the anticipated $950 million charge ahead of the government announcement.

Merck said the settlement does not constitute an admission of any liability or wrongdoing.
The FDA approved Vioxx in 1999, but the government did not initially approve the drug for use in rheumatoid arthritis. That meant doctors could write prescriptions for Vioxx for rheumatoid arthritis patients, but Merck could not promote the drug for that use. The Justice Department said Merck promoted Vioxx for rheumatoid arthritis for three years and continued to do so after getting an FDA warning letter in 2001. The drug was approved as a treatment for rheumatoid arthritis in April 2002.
Merck stopped selling Vioxx in 2004 after evidence showed the drug doubled the risk of heart attack and stroke. In 2007, the company paid $4.85 billion to settle around 50,000 Vioxx-related lawsuits.
The government will get $426.4 million from the new settlement, and $202 million will be distributed to state Medicaid programs for 43 states and the District of Columbia.

Tis the Season of Giving

2011-11-21T16:27:00.000-08:00

But before you donate any money go to Charity Navigator and make sure that your chosen charity is legit.

I have a child named Steven in Ecuador I give money to through Children International. From the letters he writes me it sounds like Steven lives a better life than I do in some ways (my grandma does not live in the countryside and have horses for me to come ride whenever I want). He tells me the same things and draws me the same pictures every couple months...

Anyway, I'm sure Steven is real and gets some of the money I give him but more importantly (for this rabble anyway) is the CEO of Children International, James Cook, makes $436,000 dollars a year. Yeah, that's right, almost half a fucking million dollars a year. Seriously? You work for a charity, you should earn a living wage, like lets generously say $75K? That's plenty to live a great life anywhere in the US. $436K amounts to robbing Steven and me at gunpoint. Thanks a lot Jimmy! Happy Thanksgiving, dick. Rabble-B

Germany or Florida?

2011-11-20T12:56:00.000-08:00

Remember Loveline, when Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla played the game Germany or Florida. Someone would call in with a bizzare-o story that was almost unbelievable. They had to pick which of the two places the story took place.

They were right you know. Every time you think you've heard an utterly insane story you can find something more mind melting from either Germany or Florida. Well, if you guessed Florida for this one you'd be correct... Rabble-B

Butt injection with 'Fix a Flat' leads to arrest

Transgender woman charged with posing as doctor in Miami area

Miami Gardens Police via NBC Miami

Oneal Morris, accused of practicing medicine without a license.

By Brian Hamacher

NBCMIAMI.com

11/18/2011 5:36:06 PM ET

A Miami Gardens transgender woman is facing charges of practicing medicine without a license after police say she injected a patient's rear with everything but the kitchen sink in an illegal cosmetic surgery procedure.

Oneal Ron Morris, 30, was arrested Friday after an investigation by Miami Gardens Police and the Florida Department of Health.
According to police, the victim saw Morris in May and was injected in her buttocks with a substance consisting of cement, "Fix a Flat," mineral oil and super glue.
The amateur incision was then sealed with super glue, police said. The victim was later hospitalized with a serious medical condition as a result of the injections.
Morris, who police say is a man but appears to look like a woman and sports an apparently enhanced rear herself in arrest photos, was being held on $7,500 bond. it was unknown whether she has an attorney.
Police believe there may be other victims of Morris who may be afraid to come forward. They said the victims haven't done anything illegal and shouldn't be afraid to come forward.
Anyone with information is asked to call Miami Gardens Police at 305-474-1420.

What About McDougals?

2011-11-19T15:57:00.000-08:00

The world is full of bad corporations that lie, cheat and steal. They spend billions lobbying for deregulation, treat their employees and customers like shit all for the true god of commerce, money.

Well, McDonald's isn't one of them. Aside the rare Egg McMuffin, I don't eat there or really recommend anyone do so. I mean, come on, the food is kind of gross and really bad for you.

But! You can't hate them as a corporation. The Ronald McDonald House has done more for children with disabilities than any other entity I can think of. And they're showing corporate responsibility in the following article by dropping a supplier that abuses animals. That has to be an enormous blow to the vendor and make them clean up their act, or go out of business.

It'd be nice to see other businesses flex their dollar muscles for good instead of greed. Unrabble-B

McDonald's drops egg supplier after animal cruelty footage

Mercy For Animals releases footage of animal cruelty at supplier Sparboe Egg Farms

By Alise Blunk

NBCChicago.com

McDonald's will be looking for a new egg supplier for their McMuffins after Mercy For Animals released footage from an undercover investigation of animal cruelty at Sparboe Egg Farms, one of their suppliers.

After viewing the footage, McDonald's said in an issued statement that they would no longer be accepting their eggs from Spargoe, and said "the behavior on tape is disturbing and completely unacceptable."
(Warning: Video contains graphic images of animal cruelty. Watch with caution.)
"McDonald's expects all of our suppliers to meet our stringent requirements for delivering high quality food prepared in a humane and responsible manner," McDonald's Vice President of Sustainability Bob Langert, said in the statement.
The hidden-camera footage shows hens being crammed into wire cages, workers burning the beaks of young chicks without pain killers, live chicks thrown into plastic bags and workers tormenting the animals.

The president and owner of Sparboe issued a letter on the website saying they are launching an internal investigation and management changes have taken place. They said they have identified four employees involved in the activities, and they have been terminated.

MFA urged the McDonald's Corporation to end its use of eggs from hens in battery cages, and according to their website, there are no federal laws that provide protection for the birds at the factory farm or during slaughter.
Mercy For Animals is a national non-profit organization that works toward preventing cruelty to farm animals.
.

Television of Saints

2011-11-18T13:07:00.000-08:00

Listen up! My dear friend and lovable musician, Rocky Votolato is self producing his new record. He needs your help so he started a Kickstarter account. Stop giving money to political parties that don't need it and support something real. If you donate more than a dollar then you even get something back. You can get digital downloads or LP's of the new record. Or, if you are rollin' in dough then Rocky will fly to your house and play a private show for your friends and family. Pretty bad ass. Go here and give some money to a worthy cause. Unrabble-B

Pizza Schmizza is not on the list...

2011-11-14T19:09:00.000-08:00

Name the best pizza you've ever had. Can't? Well, me neither. There's really just too much great (and crappy) pizza out there to create a proper hierarchy. But I can name a few places that have some stellar, addicting, palate exploding potential to put you into a food coma. In no particular order:

A Pizza Scholls, Portland, OR- Anthony Bourdain rated it best pizza in the country. I can't say that myself but I can't say he's wrong either. Maybe the best crust I've ever had. If want to whine about the slow service and the line then shut up and go to Pizza Hut. This is definitely a pizza I'd drive to Portland for, no matter where I lived.

Cheeseboard Collective, Berkeley, CA- Ok, it's actually a cheese shop and it's owned and run by the employees. And yes, I was disappointed to find out that they never put meat or marinara on their pizzas. So, why go there? Because they only do one kind of pizza per day and it's never anything short of kick ass. The cheese is the star and rightfully so. I mean, it is pizza after all. Ever had chile pasilla or corn or French Feta or Swiss Gruyere on your pizza? You will now.

Via Tribunali, Seattle, WA- Best Neapolitan pizza in the Northwest (maybe more) hands down. Suck it Tutta Bella.

Delancy's, Seattle, WA- Another small place with a wait but you're just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. It's worth it. Thin crust pizza with fresh and delicious topping and killer crust cooked in a super hot, wood fired oven. Need I say more.

Smokey Mountain Pizza Works, Ketchum, ID- I haven't been here in a long time but it was/is awesome. Big, floppy New York style slices full of cheese and whatever toppings you choose. Eat!

McKenzie River Pizza, Chain- You know the first time I went to the McKenzie River Pizza in Missoula, MT, like 10 years ago, it was freakin' awesome. And I've definitely eaten a whole large there before. I've eaten at probably four other locations too and it was always to die for, until last year, I thought maybe I just caught them on an off night. Maybe an oven not hot enough or something. Well, I've eaten there a couple more times since and I can now say that with every new location they add their pizza gets progressively worse, to the point now where I'll probably scout somewhere else to chomp next time I'm in Montana. Tis a shame. Unless they burn down all but like three of their locations, then I'm all in. Unrabble/Rabble-B

Go Us!

2011-11-10T12:12:00.000-08:00

Who needs stupid Rhinos anyway, they are stinky and mean and they poop a lot and contribute to global warming. Assholes.

Seriously folks, "Stweards of the Earth" as the article calls us isn't just some liberal, hippie shit. I'm tellin' you I don't even like hippies but it's the truth. And for the Bible lover, it's in the Bible too, I promise. It's our job to make sure we don't destroy this planet, which we should be fired from. As far as I know there's nowhere else close by we can go. Unless you want to join Willzyk the whale and the Mooninites on the fucking moon!

Also, pretty sure Rhino horn doesn't make your weiner bigger or cure cancer sooooooooooooo... Rabble-B

From MSNBC below:

Africa's Western Black Rhino declared extinct

Quarter of all mammals at risk of extinction, group says; Northern White Rhino of central Africa also now 'possibly extinct' in the wild

Dan Kitwood / Getty Images

A 6-month-old black rhino calf stands with its mother in its enclosure at Lympne Wild Animal Park on June 21 in Hythe, England.

msnbc.com staff and news service reports

updated 11/10/2011 5:56:43 AM ET

GENEVA — The Western Black Rhino of Africa was declared officially extinct Thursday by a leading conservation group.

The International Union for Conservation of Nature said that two other subspecies of rhinoceros were close to meeting the same fate.
The Northern White Rhino of central Africa is now "possibly extinct" in the wild and the Javan Rhino "probably extinct" in Vietnam, after poachers killed the last animal there in 2010.
A small but declining population survives on the Indonesian island of Java.

IUCN said Thursday that a quarter of all mammals are at risk of extinction, according to its updated Red List of endangered species.
'Stewards of the Earth' But the group added that species such as the Southern White Rhino and the Przewalski's Horse have been brought back from the brink with successful conservation programs.

"Human beings are stewards of the Earth and we are responsible for protecting the species that share our environment," said Simon Stuart, chair of the IUCN Species Survival Commission.
"In the case of both the Western Black Rhino and the Northern White Rhino, the situation could have had very different results if the suggested conservation measures had been implemented," he added. "These measures must be strengthened now, specifically managing habitats in order to improve breeding performance, preventing other rhinos from fading into extinction."

The WWF environmental campaign group last month said that the Javan Rhino found dead in Vietnam in 2010 was the country's last, rendering the species all but the extinct.
Genetic analysis of 22 dung samples collected in Vietnam's Cat Tien National Park from 2009 to 2010 affirmed that the animal, found dead with a bullet in its leg and its horn removed in April 2010, was the final wild rhino in Vietnam.
Rhinoceros horns are a coveted ingredient in traditional Eastern medicine and rumored to cure or fend off cancer, although scientists say there is no evidence to support the claim.
WWF said the Javan Rhino was believed to be extinct from mainland Asia until 1988 when one was hunted from the Cat Tien area, leading to the discovery of a small population.

The Associated Press, msnbc.com staff and Reuters contributed to this report.

Occupy the Tea Party

2011-11-09T18:58:00.000-08:00

The “Occupy” protesters “are mad at the wrong people," says Cosgray. "We’re not mad at the bankers… The Tea Party is mad at our politicians, our government. They are the ones that changed our country. I’m not saying there’s not crony capitalism —there is. … The real problem here is coming right from the White House and our Congress.”
Occupy protesters are “bizarre, very strange,” to Cosgray.
“I think (the Occupy movement) makes the Tea Party look a lot better. We’re not playing drums, masturbating on the street, or defecating on cars. I don’t think there’s anybody (out on the street) who is for American the way it was founded. They are like from another planet or something.
“The next time (Americans) see Tea Party groups holding a rally I think they’ll be, like, ‘Phew! Finally some people with common sense.’"

This is a quote from a Tea Party-er from a nice, happy, white town in Indiana, or really anywhere between the Rockies and the East Coast. It's just a disturbing example of the ideological and information, not to mention wealth, divide in our lovely country. Here's what's wrong with your statement and position sir:

1. The Occupy people are mad at Wall Street and the government, just like you folks. In plenty of cities, including Seattle and Oakland, protesters are camped out at city hall and other government buildings. It's not just Wall Street banks and "the rich" it's the collusion between them and the government, conspiring for lack of regulation and accountability.
2. Where the hell are protesters shitting on cars and jerking off in the street? I don't know, but I do know that bums did that everyday on the streets before and will after both the Tea Party and Occupy movements are gone. I will concede that a small minority of folks in the movement are out to cause trouble, but you'll find in any large group of people, the Tea Party for example.
3. The Occupy folks are, "bizarre, very strange... ...from another planet.", no weirder than the picture I saw of you and your eight children standing in a corn field all wearing the same sweatshirt that exclaims, "White County Tea Party Patriot". That shit is very strange. Also, pretty sure most alien encounters happen in corn fields.
4. The part about how they are Unamerican (besides the terrible grammar), are you serious? Peaceful protesting is one of the most American things you can do! Echoing the sentiments of Jon Stewart, you Tea Party folks think you're real Americans and normal and good, and the Occupy crew are a bunch of freaks and Commies, but your group is named after the most famous act of criminal trespassing, property destruction and theft in American history. What the shit man?! Well, actually there was no United States at that point yet so the Boston Tea Party wasn't really all that American anyway so, yeah, whatever people... Rabble-B

FLOW

2011-11-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

Lets just keep the environmental documentary theme rollin' and everybody watch Flow: For Love of Water after they watch Gasland. Dig out the Prozac (just don't flush it down the toilet before you watch this one) and settle in.

Of course I'll give you my opinion, the same one I held previously to watching this film, clean water is a basic human, community and environmental right. It's like air. You can't corner the air market because air doesn't belong to anyone. You could go what? A minute without air (or ten if your some asshole named David Blaine. Are you gonna make me disappear now David for public defamation?) Neither does water. You can only go like 2 days without water, so yeah.

Anyone who knows me apart from this blog or is one of the three consistent readers I have knows how angry environmental abuse makes me and this film only served to fan the flames. Fuck off to the IMF, World Bank (we could write a book on these two and their war of attrition against third world countries but that's a whole 'nother rabble), Nestle, Suez, the stupid French company I can't pronounce and the US government for not doing more to protect our precious water supplies which we are so fortunately endowed with. Now that I think of it, Gasland could even be a spin off of this film. Sigh. Rabble-B

Your Novembeard Reminder

2011-11-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Just a reminder folks, it is Novembeard now so, short of light trim around the edges or some nose hairs here and there, NO SHAVING! And no this is not Movember, that's what Mustache March is for. So if you're currently equipped with a mustache right now get rid of it and just don't participate all together, or let it all ride and rock a rippin' beard. Grow on people! Unrabble-B

PS- Turn your clocks back tonight.

Gasland

2011-11-04T23:07:00.000-07:00

If you haven't watched this film do it. Even though some of the filming and editing made me a little nauseous it's a shocking and depressing expose of our ever constant lust for money and the battle to ensure adequate environmental protections.

In this case water, which is of course the most precious of all resources we have and the easiest to fuck up. Which natural gas fracking does a good job of. I've read articles and seen news pieces on fracking before and the controversy but until you watch someone light their tap water on fire (or in this case like ten people) it seems kind of like one of those environmental things that is out of sight, out of mind. Well, for a lot of people it seems, it's right in plain view. Like a gas well in their front yard or in their bodies and in toxic water coming out of their tap. Fuck me.

Anyway, just watch it and get mad. And, as if you need a reason to loathe the too recently departed Bush Administration, they were the one's (this specific action of which I was vaguely familiar with before the film) who created loopholes in the Clean Water and Clean Air Acts to allow oil and gas drilling to be exempted from abiding by the provisions to protect the environment and citizens. Good job to everyone who voted for that hapless halfwit. Not that the Obama Administration is really doing anything about it but you know. You get the picture. Rabble-B

Quote of the Week

2011-11-02T00:34:00.000-07:00

"Dyin' aint much of a livin' boy." - Josey Wales

Unrabble-B

Street Pants

2011-10-31T23:08:00.000-07:00

My Halloween costume this year was a pair of Joseph A Bank slacks I found on the street. Well, actually we saw the guy that dropped them as he got into a cab and took off. We tried to yell at him but he peaced out. So I checked them out and they looked like they might fit. Fast forward fifteen minutes to trying the slacks on, fitting perfectly and doing a few karate kicks for good measure and boom, Halloween costume.

Ok, so I didn't wear them tonight but I did have a giraffe finger puppet in my pocket in case anyone asked where my costume was. And I watched Reanimator too. And ate too much candy. Ugh. Rabble-B

PS-Almost forgot, the moral of the story is don't automatically discount clothing just because it's on the street. We also found a rad women's jacket the day before and it fit Christine perfectly too. It's now being dry cleaned.

Warning: Just because a piece of clothing is on the street does not mean it's appropriate to pick it up and try it on. You'll probably get lice or some shit. I saw plenty of clothing on the street this week that looked like they had barf on them. So yeah, be careful.

PPS-Despite how this story might sound, we did not move to Berkeley and become hobos. Seriously, we have an apartment, with a roof, and furniture and lots of clothes we bought at stores too.

Come-On-Cast

2011-10-30T22:37:00.000-07:00

So after my recent rant about Comcast a customer care rep. named ComcastMark commented on my post. You can read the comment for yourself. However, I'm confused. I would love to talk to Comcast, seriously, and relate my difficult experience if it helps them improve their customer service. But, how did Comcast customer service find my blog and why did they comment on it? I'm thinking Mark could be a bogus scam. I'm not sure what could be trying to get out of me (I'm unemployed currently anyway so it's not like I have a whole lot of money).

What I'm most perplexed about is that Comcast has my phone number already (and email). Pretty sure it's attached to my name and account number. Why did Mark ask me to contact him with my phone number if he already has access to it? He can call me and have a conversation about my frustrating experience. What's even weirder is ComcastMark has a blog, comcastmark.blogspot.com created in Feb. 2008. It has one post from June 3rd, 2011 and the title is "test". What is going on here? Did Comcast customer care create a blogspot account to respond to people like me? Or is there a legitimate purpose? I don't know, it all seems a little foggy and and fishy to me, but then again, read my blog, I'm predisposed to skepticism.

Anyway, Mark, if you're continuing to read my blog, first of all, do so for entertainment value, it's more fun that way. And second please clear up the situation for me and hopefully I can shed some light on why I still don't have an ADT security system. Rabble-B

The Boom Boom Room?

2011-10-30T00:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while riding the BART, I saw a woman reading a play called, In the Boom Boom Room. Really? I don't know where the Boom Boom Room is and I certainly don't want to know what goes on in that room. That on is not currently in my "to read" pile right now. Rabble-B

Time is not on my side, no it's not

2011-10-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

Only Comcast can turn what should be an easy ten minute call into an hour of me desperately searching for a pistol. I hate you Comcast, I really, really do.

I wish God would dole out life credits added to the end of one's life for all the time wasted by worthless crap, like sitting on the phone while Comcast tries to get me to purchase an ADT security system. Dude, I just want high-speed fucking internet, and you monopolize my city. If I want a secruity system I promise I'll call ADT, not Comcast.

I'm pretty sure at thirty years old I'd already have enough life credits for wasted time out of my control, I'd become immortal. Thanks Comcast, for continuing to suck the life out of me. Rabble-B

The Only Way I Like Mine

2011-09-26T15:22:00.000-07:00

$2.49?! That is a bargain my friend. But really, who wants a medium tropical man anyway?

I like how someone wrote in the "go". Come on, at least use a sharpie. Rabble-B

Coffee with Ice?

2011-09-05T11:52:00.000-07:00

So lets say you went into a cafe ordered an iced coffee or iced Americano. In what world does that mean pouring 5 cubes of ice in a hot cup of coffee and thereby serving you a luke warm cup of shitty coffee? Nowhere. In no world is that an acceptable drink. All it does is fill up the trash can with coffee that should've been consumed hot or cold, not room temp. Rabble-B

Shake Weights

2011-09-04T19:30:00.001-07:00

Turns out there isn't an 'on' switch. Who would've thought? Rabble-B

Above Ground Pools

2011-08-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

What can you say really? Why the fuck would you think an above ground pool is a good idea? First of all, they're gonna blow at some point. I mean, Karl from Aqua Teen hunger Force has one. And what, are you gonna take it with you when you move? I can't believe that the filtering systems are any good on an above grounder either. That means you're swimming, or rather wading since I've never seen one deeper than 3 feet, around in piss and bacteria and bugs and shit. Gross. If you don't have enough space or money to install a real pool, you know, concrete and tile, maybe a little waterfall spilling over from your hot tub you installed at the same time, then you should pay a dollar entry fee and use the community pool. Rabble-B

Oh captain, my captain

2011-08-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading through the new issue of Rolling Stone, the one with The Sheepdogs on the cover. Who the fuck are The Sheepdogs and how did they win a contest to be on the cover of Rolling Stone? Man, what the fuck?!

Anyway, more importantly, Captain Beefheart, the incredibly influential and creative musician with a huge catalog of work (12 albums with "The Magic Band" alone) died in Dec. 2010. His impact on modern popular music is immeasureable. Rolling Stone gave him a 3/4 page memorial article noting his life, music and death. Amy Winehouse dies after releasing two records and gaining more notoriety for her tragic drug and alcohol addiction than music anyway, and she gets 6 pages and several other photos scattered throughout the issue.

This is what is wrong with music. Right here. It's completely absurd. Fuck you Rolling Stone, you suck. Rabble-B

Eddie the Eagle

2011-08-03T11:44:00.000-07:00

My boy Eddie, the bald eagle that lived and patrolled the 520 bridge died yesterday when he flew into the windshield of a Metro bus. He was a badass. he ate ducks and fish and roadkill, he probably shit on your car once or twice too. Stupid bus. The good news is he apparently had a bunch of kids and they are old enough to fly now and are gonna start terrorizing every bus on 520. Beware. So long Ed, RIP. Rabble-B

For Seriously

2011-07-30T00:32:00.000-07:00

So I just read a story about a dude that found $16,000 in an after hours bank deposit box. He took the money and turned it in the next morning. The story read something about a "Good Samaritan" returning money, blah, blah, blah. Why does that have to be a Good Samaritan act? Why can't that just be normal and honest? What the shit?! Someone in this society does something unselfish and morally right and we congratulate them like they just won a gold medal in the Special Olympics.

For fuck's sake, why can't that just be par for the course? Because we are a bunch of selfish assholes and need to get over ourselves and just be nice and do what's right and good in stead of what immediately benefits us. Maybe then we wouldn't be staring in the face of another financial meltdown and government shutdown. Ha, what am I talking about? That's so silly. Gee whiz. Rabble-B

The Gateway Meat

2011-07-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

I would be willing to bet that bacon, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, bacon... accounts for converting more vegetarians to the darkside than all other meats combined. No one can escape bacon. Bacon could make eating gravel sound like a good idea. Imagine bacon wrapped gravel balls. Yeah! So anyone thinking about returning to the world of meat, make it easy and grab a BLT. Anyone thinking about going meatless, it's time for some bacon wrapped quail breast. FYI, I'm not talking about Canadian Bacon of any type, or ham, as it's actually called. I mean bacon. Greasy, chewy, crunchy, kinda fatty, chompy bacon. Rabble-B

Non Athletic Sport Causing Adult Retardation

2011-07-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

Or, as most people know it, NASCAR. A new NASCAR track opened in Kentuckey this weekend. I guess, the drive to the track from nearby towns like Loiusville, that normally takes about an hour and a half, took EIGHT HOURS! Ahaaahahhhaaaa. You've got to be kidding me. I cannot think of a worse way to spend my time than on a freeway that more resembles a parking lot on the way to a NASCAR race. What a fucking joke. I'd rather let a naked mole rat suckle my teat while shoveling elephant shit at the zoo for 8 hours than spend that time driving to a NASCAR race. That's what you get for going to a NASCAR event, all 107,000 of you. Sheesh. Rabble-B

Updated Jul 10, 2011 2:18 AM ET

SPARTA, Ky. (AP)

Speedway Motor Bruton Smith was kidding when he said he expected most fans to return home from the track's inaugural NASCAR Sprint Cup race on Saturday night ''by Tuesday.''

Considering how difficult it was for people to get into the track, Tuesday may have been a bit generous.

The 1.5-mile oval's long-awaited Cup debut was marred by a massive traffic snarl that left fans stuck out on Interstate 71 for miles even as the green flag dropped. Cars were still slowly streaming into the parking gates more than 125 miles into the 400-mile event as nearby interstate turned into a massive parking lot.

Even those that made it to their seats well before the race were less than thrilled.

Randy Meyer and his brother Mark needed nearly eight hours to make the trip from Batesville, Ind., normally a 90-minute drive.

''It was a nightmare,'' Randy Meyer said. ''I go to Indy every year for the (Indy) 500 and I've never seen anything this bad.''

Track officials laid out explicit traffic plans in the weeks leading up to the race. Yet with a sellout crowd of 107,000 expected, many of them making their first trip to the area, it got messy. Really messy.

''Sure it was worse,'' said track general manager Mark Simendinger. ''I knew we were going to have heavy traffic because of our turnout and the venue that we have and we were prepared for that, but clearly it was even beyond what we had anticipated.''

Smith has been complaining about the infrastructure for weeks. On Friday he called 71 ''the worst section of interstate highway in America.''

It sure looked like it to Steve Wolf. The well-traveled NASCAR fan from Cincinnati called the drive to the track the worst he's ever seen.

''I've been to Indy, Talladega, Daytona, Texas, just all over,'' Wolf said. ''This, this is bad.''

The traffic didn't spare the drivers either.

Denny Hamlin grew so bored as his entourage waded through the gridlock he decided to play a version of ''Where's Denny?'' and offered the first fan to find him $20.

''Good news, bad news,'' Hamlin tweeted. ''I'm prolly not gonna make the drivers meeting in 3 hrs because I'm in this traffic with everyone else. ... Good news is I'm starting in the back anyway.''

Smith said he has written Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear a note asking him to take a look at the situation. The state has already spent millions expanding 71 to three lanes going north. Doing the same south toward Louisville might be a good idea. It took nearly four hours for Mike Logan to cover the 13 miles from his hotel in Carrollton to the track.

''People told me south of the track was better,'' said Logan, who is from St. Louis. ''If it is, I'd hate to see what happened to those folks coming the other way.''

Badass

2011-07-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

This is one of the coolest things I've ever seen. And now I am hungry. Rabble-B

Now that's a whopper! World's largest burger weighs 777 lbs.

Doug Duran / AP

In this photo taken Saturday, July 2, 2011, a group carries the top bun for the World's Largest Commercially Available Hamburger at the Alameda County Fair in Pleasanton, Calif.

By Vidya Rao

Here’s an opponent even competitive eating champion Joey Chestnut couldn’t beat. The world’s largest burger made its debut Saturday at the Alameda County Fair in California, coming in at a whopping 777 pounds. Guinness World Records officials were on hand to verify that the burger indeed deserved the title, beating the previous Canadian record-holder by 187 pounds. Created by Juicy’s LLC, the gargantuan “Juicy’s Outlaw Burger” took 14 hours to cook and ended up feeding hundreds of fairgoers for 99 cents a pop.

Doug Duran / AP

In this photo taken Saturday, July 2, 2011, Brett Enright, of Phoenix, with Juicy's Outlaw Grill, left, and Nick Nicora, of Castro Valley, with Ovations Food Services, celebrate after making a Guinness World Record for the World's Largest Commercially Available Hamburger.

Here’s a breakdown to help wrap your brain around the 1,375,000-calorie meat monstrosity:

3 feet thick and 5 feet in diameter
More than 600 pounds of beef (about the size of a small cow)
30 pounds of lettuce
12 pounds of pickles
20 pounds of onions
28-inch thick, 110-pound bun

"The old record was held in Canada and we wanted to bring it home to America on the 4th of July," Nick Nicora, one of the brains behind the beef, told CBS San Francisco.

George Lucas will probably sue me for this

2011-07-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Some bar owner in New York City wanted to host a screening at his bar of all the Star Wars films back to back and invite his customers and Star Wars fans to join. He did not plan on charging money for it, rather he just wanted to watch them all in succession because he'd never done it before.

George Lucas, the world's biggest ass and champion of ruining a good time (not to mention ruining his own films by adding and/or deleting material and only re-releasing the new versions from then on) got wind of it and Lucasfilms sent a cease and desist letter to the bar. Apparently there is a moratorium on any public screenings of any of the Star Wars films. Wow! You, Georgie, are a huge, ego maniacal control freak. Good job on fucking up a lot of folks' day. I'm pretty sure you just lost some fans and probably future revenue. You are a moron. Rabble-B

Read about it here

Quote of the Week

2011-07-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

"Motorcycles are the new fixed gear.", as told by CoVo. For serious man. Rabble-B

My Bones!

2011-07-01T17:08:00.000-07:00

So would you rather have bones or an exo-skeleton?

So with bones your body can get cut and bruised, maybe break a bone. It's not life threatening but it can be painful and slow you down. But, if you really get messed up and break a bunch of bones and blow up your pancreas or something you're toast, or at least a vegetable. With an exo-skeleton it's difficult to hurt yourself. You can blast around all over the place bouncing off of stuff, doing backflips onto the sidewalk and keep on truckin' without worry. Until you crack your exo-skeleton and all your goo leaks out and you die (think about the last bug you stepped on). I'm just asking which is better, I'm not sure I'm convinced either way. Maybe just being a pile gelatinous ooze is better, nothing to break. Great, except kids poking you with sticks all the time. Rabble-B

Do people actually read this thing?

2011-06-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

Because I bitched about babies on airplanes a while ago and now Malaysia Airlines is banning infants from first class on 747's. So awesome! Look, if you paid $2000 for a first class seat on an 8 hour flight the last thing you should be subjected to is a screaming, smelly baby. I'm just saying if I wanted to hang out with babies in a confined space I'd become a nanny. Rabble-B

Read this: http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Global-News/2011/0629/Airline-baby-ban-Why-Malaysia-Airlines-says-no-babies-in-first-class

No Effing Way!

2011-06-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

As if the Seattle Police Dept needed more bad press lately. How do you leave an assault rifle on the trunk of your car? Even better, why was is out in the first place? Were you waiting outside a bank for a holed up robber with a hostage? After it was all over you just said, "Fuck it I'm outta here.", tossed the gun on the trunk and blazed off to Dick's to grab a burger. Wow. I don't even know what to say about this one. I'll bet I could sell it to Mexican drug runners. Or, well I guess the ATF has the corner on that already. Whatever. Rabble-B

The Seattle Police Department Is "Very Embarrassed" After Leaving Unattended Semi-Automatic Rifle on Trunk of Patrol Car

Posted by Cienna Madrid on Tue, Jun 28, 2011 at 9:51 AM

*This post has been updated to reflect that a second witness, also a pedestrian, followed the driver of the patrol car—not the patrol car itself—around to alert an officer about the unattended rifle.
As Dan already posted this morning, Slog tipper Nick sent in this photograph, which he took "In front of the Roosevelt Hotel just after 9pm on June 27th. Left unattended, flagged down bike officers who were shocked as hell."

Nick G.
Holy shit! Free gun!

"The department is very embarrassed that this happened," says Seattle Police Department Sergeant Sean Whitcomb. "We’re incredibly grateful to the person that flagged down the bike officers and the woman who followed the patrol car driver around to let them know there was a rifle on the back of the car."
But were SPD officers driving around with an AR-15 rifle on the back of their squad car???? "I'm not going to comment," says Whitcomb, adding that the West Precinct has launched "an investigation into the circumstances that allowed this to happen."
Whitcomb says the department isn't releasing the names of the patrol officers. It's unclear at this point if the semi-automatic rifle was loaded or not. Regardless, Whitcomb says the officers didn't break any laws. "Really, it's just embarrassing," he says. "It most certainly shouldn’t happen at a police department level. People should expect more."
UPDATE: The department's Office of Professional Accountability is investigating the incident as well. "It is unacceptable that a rifle was left unattended on a patrol car and people should expect more from their police department," writes OPA director Kathryn Olson in an email. "I will monitor the investigation to ensure that all relevant facts are uncovered and that any lapse in procedure is appropriately addressed."

3 weeks...

2011-06-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

... of no posts and here's what I've come up with: Just because technically you fit into it doesn't mean you should wear it. Self censorship in fahsion is a good thing.

Also, Splash Mountain, you owe me a ride. Rabble-B

DEVO

2011-05-29T16:48:00.001-07:00

One fo the coolest music videos I've ever seen and coolest versions of Satisfaction. Stones got nothing on this. I love the creepy giant baby. Rabble-B

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jadvt7CbH1o

Stanley Cup Finals

2011-05-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

2011 Stanley Cup Finals

Game 1
Boston Bruins at the Vancouver Canucks at 5pm on my birthday June 1st. Go Canada! Yep. Unrabble-B

Expatriot

2011-05-27T11:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while touring France, Obama signed into law a four year extension of the Patriot Act. Remember the laws Bush passed that allow the government to spy on American citizens and basically nullify our right to privacy? Way to go on separating your administration from the Bush era. You keep claiming we're moving forward and away from the Bush politics but you're really not convincing anyone pulling shit like this. No wonder your approval ratings are in the toilet. You suck. Rabble-B

Headlines

2011-05-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

Two headlines I saw today...

Girl? Boy? Parents Refuse to Say
The idea to raise a genderless child came from a book the parents found in the library. They claim the secrecy is about giving their children freedom.

Wow, do you want your kid to commit suicide? Seriously, what good is going to come of intentionally confusing your child and everyone else about his or her gender? This is fucking stupid and only going to screw up your kid later in life. Because you know, you should believe everything you read at the library...

One man's quest to try breast-feeding
Male lactation is possible, so he decided to give it a try.

Dude, you have way too much time on your hands. You're an idiot and also going to screw up your child just like the genderless kid above. Not that it's right but all I see in either of these childrens' futures is ridicule at school followed by social isolation and from there maybe crack whore, I don't know...

It isn't about tolerance and social constructs, it's about kids and their future and happiness and doing things like needlessly confusing gender and sucking on your dad's teat only serve as the basis of a social nightmare when the kids enter society at school or boy scouts or sports or whatever. For fucks sake. Rabble-B

the mor skool the dumberer i gits

2011-05-20T19:02:00.000-07:00

I am constantly amazed by the ignorance and stupidity of our society. Is it just me or are we all losing brain cells at an alarming rate? This article is from msn.com. I used to want to live in Nashville, seems like a pretty cool town, but now am rethinking my plans... for fuck's sake people! What the fuck is wrong with our country?! Rabble-B

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43115864/ns/us_news-life

One of the Saddest Days Ever

2011-05-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

From Refdesk.com

E-Books Outselling Printed Books on Amazon

Amazon.com, Inc., has been selling printed books online since 1995 and began selling electronic books in 2007, after launching its Kindle e-book reader. The Kindle has since become the best-selling device designed specifically for reading digital books. Now, less than four years later, Amazon is selling more e-books than printed books. Since April 1, 105 e-books have been sold for every 100 printed books. Free e-books were not included in this comparison, meaning the total number of downloaded books is actually even higher.

Rabble fucking rabble-B

Short Shorts

2011-05-15T22:36:00.000-07:00

So I've been in Belize for a while, far away from the cold and rain of my dreary home of Seattle. Limited to no internet access meant no rabbling but now we're on.

Yesterday, in the Philip Goldston airport in Belize City (with all of its 6 gates for the entire country) I had to use the restroom. A pretty normal thing I think, except post relief on my way from the urinal to the sink (about 10 feet) I noticed the old guy that sidled up to the next urinal over was wearing some short-ish athletic shorts. Now that's really not a big issue since they're probably comfortable and flying sucks so most people, including myself, don't really give a shit what they look like as long as their comfy. So, ok, cool, old dude rock the short shorts. Except that this crazy old guy at the urinal had hiked up one leg of his shorts, exposing a wicked, blinding white tan line, and was peeing out the bottom of his shorts. What? For reals? What is that dude?! That is so fucking weird. I have never seen that before... That can't be easy to control your stream man. And really, how hard is it to pull your shorts down from the top? Let me answer; not hard! Ok? Just pull your damn shorts down a little bit and take care of business, don't slip your weiner down the leg of your shorts and pee all over your leg or whatever happens. IT'S WEIRD! And you're creeping me out! Thank God he was not seated next to me on the plane or I might still be in Belize City eating hot sauce, with no internet access to tell you this bizarre story. Rabble-B

Mental Midgets

2011-05-05T17:22:00.000-07:00

It's no secret I have a special place in my heart for all the mental midgets on our nation's roadways. And by place in my heart I mean the black, cancerous, diseased part that will fail sometime in my mid 80's.

But, despite my intense road rage, today I've officially been defeated by the world of traffic. Today my commute, which normally takes me 20-25 minutes took an hour and 10 minutes. It took me 45 minutes to get onto the freeway alone, as opposed to say, 10. I don't even know what to say. I wasn't even mad, I was actually smiling I think because I officially lost my mind due to being stuck in a situation that I didn't think was physically and cosmologically (the cosmos like space and time, not nail polish and shit) possible.

So, with this latest road revelation, I tip my hat to you, the American driving public, you win. I'm moving to Amish country to drive a horse and buggy. They have good fishing there too and I can always play and acoustic guitar. I bid you farewell. Rabble-B

Things I was thinking about today...

2011-04-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

Donald Trump... I really don't know what to say, the guy is a living, breathing cartoon. If you've been watching the news lately you'll know that he is the funniest comedian that's been around in a while, everything he says is pure comedy and he's totally insane. Like Jon Stewart said, "I hope he runs for president." Cross your fingers.

So Congress is finally getting around to passing a 9/11 first responders bill to help out all the brave folks that got cancer and other horrible afflictions from digging around for bodies in the World Trade Center rubble. It's about fucking time you assholes. But, of course it can't be that easy, or it just wouldn't be democracy in action. Republican Rep. Cliff Stevens from Florida (yeah, of course he's from Florida, land of everything beyond belief), proposed a last minute rider to the bill that would require an FBI background check for all people receiving money from the bill to make sure they aren't a terrorist. I mean, Donald Trump leaves me speechless but this isn't even funny. How fucking classless and completely brain dead do you have to be to support something like that, let alone be the asshole that proposed it. Seriously, do you think any single one of the rescue workers that responded to 9/11 could possibly be a terrorist? Haha, jokes on them now they have cancer, that'll teach 'em to be terrorists. Do you also think that magical unicorns shooting lasers out of their horns will fight off the coming alien invasion and then afterward to celebrate we can all strip down to bra and panties and ride around on our unicorn saviors throwing water balloons at each other? Because that's about how stupid you sound Cliff. I think you should be arrested for domestic terrorism and espionage and rot in Guantanamo for even bringing the subject up you unpatriotic, selfish, bellycrawling sphincter face.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/21/911-responders-screened-for-terror-ties_n_852198.html

And lastly, the US is considering giving arms to the Libyan rebels. Ok, Obama, Congress and the military please take your seats for a history lesson, because you seem to have forgot some stuff. No questions, no talking.

So remember when we gave weapons to Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban too, too fight the Soviets in the '80's? Oh, haha, yeah, that turned out well.
Remember when we gave a bunch of guns to Saddam Hussein? How did that one turn out for us? Oh, umm, yeah, nevermind...
Remember when we armed the Contras in Nicaragua so they could fight the FSLN? And then how Congress said that was illegal so we sold weapons to Iran and then sent the money to the Contras (Iran/Contra Scandal, you may have heard that term before)? And then how the US government brought drugs into the country from Noriega in Panama and used the money to further fund the Contras? No? Oh, ok cool.
These are just three examples i thought of off the top of my head, I'm sure I could find countless more.

Pppssssssttt! Hey, Obama, Pentagon, CIA, Joint Chiefs of Staff, Congress, I would recommend against supplying arms to the Libyan rebels. You know, if it was me. Just sayin'. Rabble-B

Get Cut

2011-04-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

So I heard about this a while ago but seems now it might go up for a vote. The city of San Francisco is considering a ban on circumcision. What?! Seriously, you have nothing better to do with your time (like I don't know figure out how to fix massive budget shortfalls) than ban ancient religious practices that have no bearing on anyone other than that individual? That's like banning gay, in the gayest city on earth no less. It doesn't affect you so why do you care? Leave men and their trimmed manhood alone. "Oh, your circumcised? That will definitely affect your ability to flip burgers. Sorry, looks like In 'n Out isn't for you (literally you're always out, there's no in)." Circumcision has been around for several thousand years and it's worked fine so far. Not circumcised? Cool, you're lucky to have a turtleneck to keep warm, but if I want my kid to get cut I should have that right as a parent. It is in no way harmful and actually makes it more difficult for infections to occur in your junk. I'm not even sure what the reasoning is behind the measure, other than controlling people. Fucking big brother, go away. Rabble-B

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42784426/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/?GT1=43001

Until the last drop

2011-04-21T23:52:00.000-07:00

If this is what your toothpaste tube looks like then you're driving me nuts. Let me profile you, neurotic, pathological, OCD, cheapskate, just buy a new one make it easier on yourself and quit stressing me out. You're going to have a aneurysm trying to squeeze the last pea sized drop of toothpaste out of your tube. And for what? To save 2 pennies? Right... Just admit defeat and go without brushing for the night and buy a new damn tube tomorrow morning. And for real man, Tom's of Maine? That stuff tastes like shit. Rabble-B

Things I Learned This Week

2011-04-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

First of all, I was right about everything in my post on March 22nd. If only I ran the show, if only...

Don't ever trust someone with dreadlocks to cut your hair. It's impossible for someone with the most unfortunate hairstyle in history (bald is way better) to know what a good hair cut looks like, let alone actually cut hair.

Don't ever vote for anyone who makes a statement on the floor of congress like oh, say, that over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does is perform abortions when, in reality, it's about 3%. The man who made that statement? Rep. John Kyl from Arizona. When asked about the gross inaccuracy of his claim his office said it was never intended to be a factual statement. I continue to be blown away by the stupidity of our elected officials.

The federal government almost shutdown. The last time that happened was during the Clinton Administration but he used it as a tool to balance the budget. Of course ten years later it hasn't been balanced since but ppssshhhaaa, who can count to a trillion anyway? The reason the government almost shutdown and our congressmen were bitching and moaning like a bunch of little girls with skinned knees (part of it was John Kyl mentioned above)? .19% of the budget. Yeah, seriously, .19 fucking percent of the budget, like 30 some billion dollars. Bill Gates gives away that much in a week for fucks sake. How about you guys argue over some real budget reform like half a trillion dollars, that would at least raise the stakes a little bit. Geez....

We all know Donald Trump is a dumbass but he's talking about running for president and then makes a remark like, "I have a great relationship with the blacks." Now, that's not a terribly racist or bigoted statement just dumb and arrogant. If you're going to run for president you can't say things like that. You're not a construction worker, you're running for president, how far can you stick your foot in your own mouth? Or, you know, maybe he's not that dumb... He's probably not even going to run for president, he's just playing us like a fiddle. Sigh. Rabble-B

Also, Axelina Hawkalina McFris is officially a girl now. Wuhoo! Yay! Unrabble-B

Mesh Jersey

2011-04-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

So Snooki of Jersey Shore fame, now makes public speaking appearances for money, which is depressing enough in itself, but she recently got paid $32,000 to speak to students at Rutgers University. What?! Are you joking?! How the fuck did that happen?! No wonder the rest of the world is passing us by. Our education system is obviously in shambles if Snooki is what passes for a guest speaker at a university, and this isn't the get your degree online University of Phoenix Topeka Campus. It's fucking Rutgers, what I thought was a respected center of education. What could she even talk about, implants, drunk blackouts, orange skin? I know I already hate most of society but I used to think that universities were one of the last bastions of real thought and discourse. Guess I was wrong, again. Rabble-B

one inch

2011-04-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was April 6th, and this is a shitty cellphone photo of my car, post window scraping, at 9pm. If it's hard to see let me describe it for you. There's an inch of snow on my car. Spring has not sprung. I am over it. I am moving to Brazil. I don't think it ever snows in April there, and they have peacock bass... RABBLETRON!!!!!!!!!-B

Stupid Pennies

2011-04-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

When is someone going to invent a vaccuum that sucks up pennies? They're always on the floor and no one likes them anyway. I still try to suck them up anyway, but they just rattle around and shoot back out, e-v-e-r-y t-i-m-e. Stupid pennies. Rabble-B

What's the 411?

2011-04-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

So I'm really tired of people telling me they don't know their own number and pulling out their cell phones and looking it up. No, it's not just that no one wants to be my friend, it turns out people are just stupid. I have to special order things for whiny customers all the time and you wouldn't believe how many morons don't know their own number. "I don't know my number, I don't call myself, haha." Yeah, haha fuck you. How do you not know your own fucking phone number?! That blows my mind. Seriously, do you never give out your number for any reason? Does anyone ever call you? Do you have any friends? Yes, ok how did they get your phone number? Did they see a psychic? Shit man, if there's one number you should be able to memorize (other than 911, and if you can't remember that then this probably isn't for you anyway) it should be your own. Please, for my sanity get with it! Rabble-B

Stop ruining my life!

2011-04-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

Dear hair stylists,

Please stop buying all the rooster hackle feathers in the world. It's really pissing me off. Those feathers are for tying flies, not decorating your scalp. Get a tattoo, it's cooler. Also, by the way you are being taken to the cleaners on pricing. Saddle feathers don't cost $3 a piece.

Thank you for your consideration,

Brett Wedeking

Dear XXXXXXX fly tying vendor,

Please stop selling feathers to anyone with a checking account. You've sold them all to the fashion industry and now fly tyers can't get any. You are cutting off your nose to spite your face and that involves a lot of blood and pain. Stop now before it's lying in a bloody mess on the floor and you can't smell anything anymore.

Thank you for your consideration,

Brett Wedeking

Rabble-B

Good to Go Where?

2011-03-31T16:51:00.000-07:00

No, it's not so good to go, you're wrong. So in the Puget Sound now the man is starting to toll some of our roadways because they've wasted all our tax dollars on God knows what instead of fixing our roads. So they designed the Good to Go, automated tolling so you don't have to stop at a toll booth. Ok, cool... Except the first Good to Go toll sensors, on the Tacoma Narrows bridge, are not compatible with the new tolling sensors on the 520 bridge. So they have to replace the Tacoma Narrows sensors, oh, and on Hwy 167 as well. Seriously? How much is that going to cost? What the fuck man?! Whose brilliant idea was it to use two incompatible tolling systems and when is their ass getting fired for wasting tax dollars? Why couldn't you just get it right the first time and make all the sensors the same from the beginning. It's not like you didn't know other roads would be tolled later on. FUCK! I've said it before, I have no problem with taxes and paying my share, but in this case the state might as well have a bonfire in the capitol building burning them to stay warm. That would probably be a better use anyway, they could save on the heating bill. Rabble-B

And you didn't notice?

2011-03-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

Why in films and television suspects tailed by the cops, or whomever, never notice their being followed? In every instance the car following is well within view of the suspect. I mean, you're going to look in your rearview every now and then and you're going to see the same vehicle like 50 feet back right? Maybe it says something more about the one being followed (that they are an idiot) than the skills of the tailing driver but you think to be less conspicuous you'd want to hang back a ways. The best is when they follow someone out of the city and then it's just two cars on a lonely dirt road in the middle of nowhere. Dude! They're going to notice you behind them for like 20 miles! Or, maybe I should say, "Dude! How did you not see the car following you for the last 20 miles and get suspicious? You're dumping dead hookers in the swamp right while the cops are watching! How stupid can you be?!" Rabble-B

What are my options?

2011-03-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

So I know that I am the only one in the world who leaves and/or listens to voicemail messages any more but whatever happened to a short greeting from the person you called and a beep? Now after the message you get like 5 minutes of a soothing female voice telling you all sorts of shit that you don't care about. "To send a fax press 4". Seriously? How am I supposed to send a fax from my cellphone? Where do I put the paper? It's fucking stupid. Or I also like, "after you leave a message you may hang up or press 1 for more options". Options? What options? Like I can press 3 and actually get to talk to the person I was calling? Because that's the only other option I care about. If I want a #4 combo meal I'll go to Wendy's and not try to make phone calls. Just wait, 'til your carrier starts advertising on your voicemail (Just like Comcast. Hey, guys, I already subscribe. When I'm scrolling through the show guide or on demand I don't need advertising, you already have my business. Fuck off.), then NOBODY would leave messages anymore... Rabble-B

Pump You Up

2011-03-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

So Barry Bonds is being indicted now for lying to a grand jury in a 2007 investigation into steroid use in baseball. Remember all that shit? When congress held hearings about it and they were sad and disappointed. wawawawaawwaaaaaaahhh. Crybabies. Remember when MLB was a private organization and they can do whatever they want and why did congress even give a shit and waste my tax dollars and time on investigating something that has nothing to do with running the country? Yeah, I remember that shit.

Well, now we're wasting more time and money prosecuting Bonds this time. Who fucking cares?! Why can't we use this time and money to prosecute a rapist or murderer? What would really hurt him more anyway is MLB stripping his homerun crown. Fuck him, he was on steroids, when he hit all those homeruns. You're out pal.

But our legal system shouldn't care anyway, MLB is a private organization. Leave it to the public, they'll get pissed off and stop going to games and MLB will lose huge amounts of revenue. That is the only thing that will get their attention and change things. And besides, baseball sucks anyway. Damn them for wasting my time writing this too. Rabble-B

More here: http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/Barry-Bonds-perjury-trial-begins-032111?GT1=43001

A Fleeting Encounter

2011-03-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

If someone could make cotton candy last even just three seconds in your mouth instead of disintegrating on contact they would make untold millions of dollars. And I would be 400lbs. Rabble-B

Extreme!

2011-03-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

The best thing I saw today was a giant window sticker on the back of a car (which I'm sure inhibited the driver's view of me behind her) that said, "Charlene Maurby-Extreme Real Estate Anywhere, Anytime" with her phone number and shit. Extreme Charlene? Yeah you're really extreme driving three mph under the speed limit in the passing lane on I-90. You're really livin' on the edge. Why don't you go be extreme in the far right lane and let me and the ten other cars behind me pass you so we can get to work on time? I'll call you when I need to buy a house. Thanks. Rabble-B

You can't make this shit up

2011-03-16T18:31:00.000-07:00

Nuclear meltdown? Pppffff, in Vermont we've got real problems. The best line is, "All of a sudden I felt something on my back and shoulders, scratching," Wtf?

Read this story, so awesome:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42109817/ns/us_news-weird_news/?gt1=43001

Milk

2011-03-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the Ides of March. I took the opportunity to buy a half gallon of milk so I could eat Lucky charms out of my giant Lucky Charms bowl I got for Christmas. Now we all know milk is perishable and the sell by date on the one I bought is March 29th. So cool, I have two weeks to pound tons of Lucky Charms and Rice Chex. Mmmmmm. The milk carton next to the one I bought had sell by date of MAY 9TH! What the shit is that?! What kind of fucked up preservatives and cow hormone treatment do you have to come up with to make milk last almost two months? I think if you drink that shit you probably grow a third eye or something. Whatever makes it last so long can't be good for your body (not that milk is inherently great for you but it has calcium and potassium and it's where cheese comes from so needless to say I'm going to go with milk being awesome on the whole). So, hey, Darigold, you suck! Stop poisoning your cows and customers with intergalactic, unperishable, steroid, death milk! Rabble-B

Quote of the Week

2011-03-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

"You would be surprised how many women’s restrooms have pee all over toilet seats- thus probably the floor… What’s the deal?" - Amber Persons
Per yesterday's Rabble a female reader emailed me, alerting me to an alarming fact about womens' bathrooms. Now I know women and their bathroom cleanliness is often disgusting (no offense ladies but you know it's true, men aren't really any better though) but how the hell is there pee on the seat or on the floor ladies? That is some bad freaking aim! Or a woman way too drunk to be left alone in a bathroom. So I concur, what exactly is the deal?

Also, in more important news really, Japan got seriously fucked up by an earthquake today, which I'm sure you're already aware of. Red Cross has set up a disaster relief fund here if you wish to help. Rabble-B

Think about it

2011-03-10T16:12:00.000-08:00

A public mens' bathroom has to be the worst place to walk around with your shoe laces untied. Think about it. For the women who may be confused by this statement, lets just say that not all (or in some cases very little) makes it into the urinal. The rest... Rabble-B

The Fat Lady...

2011-03-02T18:17:00.000-08:00

...has laryngitis and will not be performing tonight. There's hope for humanity. Rush Holt, a Democratic Congressman from New Jersey, of all places, beat the IBM super computer Watson, at Jeopardy. This comes just weeks after Watson whipped Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter (the two top all time winners at Jeopardy) on the show.

Of course every Democrat is saying, "Of course it was a Democrat, we're so smart!" and every Republican is saying, "Who cares, it's not the first time a human has defeated Watson." Well, who gives a shit either way, just be happy that humans can still outwit and control our creations. Remember the Terminator films? Skynet tried to kill everybody. Fuck that noise. Go humans! Rabble-B

More here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/01/rush-holt-jeopardy-watson-_n_829672.html

World War Whatever

2011-02-28T11:10:00.000-08:00

The last American World War I veteran died yesterday. Not World War II but World War I. His name was Frank Buckles and he was 110. Yeah, 110 years old. He lied about his age, like many did at that time, to get into the military and served in "The Great War". Oh yeah, he was also civilian POW in WWII in the Philippines. I imagine that was not a good time.

Attention my generation: We are a soft bunch of whiny, pussy, bitches. I hope to God that we are not faced with a world crisis like those of WWI or WWII, though it seems lately that might soon be the case. If so we will probably let it run us over and subject us going unnoticed while we scroll through our iPod trying to find a Lady Gaga song. So here's to you Mr. Buckles, (in all seriousness) cheers to you for making us look so weak today, you are one of the toughest people to ever live. Rabble-B

Read more about him here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41821018/ns/us_news-life/?gt1=43001

Live Ammo

2011-02-23T19:35:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday some jackass attorney general from Indiana named Cox, of course, claimed the police should use "live ammo" to clear the protester out of the capitol building in Madison, WI.

Really dude? How fucking dumb to you have to be to think that as a public official you can get away with that comment. It's not like you're some blogger idiot that no one pays attention to and this is the United States, not Libya. We don't shoot unarmed protesters in this country you dipshit. And what's more you don't even live or work in Wisconsin so why do you even care?

And now you jammed your size 42 clown shoe in your mouth and got fired. Besides, you are an attorney general, how do you not already know that comments like that get people in trouble. The attorney general from Wisconsin should prosecute him for making death threats. Good job moron. Rabble-B

More here: http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/02/23/indiana.ammo.tweet/index.html?hpt=T2

Bieber, Bieber, Bieber!

2011-02-21T23:02:00.000-08:00

So I guess Justin Bieber cut off his sweet signature hairdo. Bad move pal. Let me predict your future. All your tween fans don't like your new look and turn their backs on you, in fact most cry. One small town in Iowa even floods from the river of tears. Your career takes a nose dive like a B-17 that received too much flak on a bombing run over Germany, flames and all. You turn to coke and hookers, lots of it and lose your house and cars and whatever art you've collected to pay for it. You go to rehab 7 times and check yourself out after 3 days each time. You live in a cardboard box under the freeway and can't even afford a cheap hooker with three teeth. I'm not going to lie, it's not a pretty picture.

And what's even worse, you've obsoleted one of the best websites around Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber so thanks for that. I don't wish you any ill will my friend, just beware, you could end up like George Michael smoking crack and jerking off in front of a police officer in a public bathroom. Oh, wait, that was two separate incidents. Sorry. Rabble-B

Thanks

2011-02-18T17:05:00.000-08:00

So since no one submitted an photos the contest is off and I already ate the Pixie Stick anyway. Your lack of participation is noted, thanks. So in other news Stephen Colbert tired of the Huffington Post just posting AP and Reuters articles and shit written by other people (and specifically articles about Stephen Colbert himself without permission, or something) launched his own awesome website The Colbuffington Re-Post. Actually it's just the Huffington Post website with his name at the top but it's rad and you should take a visit. It's not like you're too busy taking shirtless cell phone photos of yourself and uploading them onto your computer for contest submissions, what else would you be doing on the computer? You have the time. Rabble-B

Your best Impression

2011-02-15T14:32:00.000-08:00

I was so inspired by dumbass Congressman Christopher Lee's photo he posted responding to a Craigslist date ad (see my rabble from 2-9-11) I decided to start my first Rabble contest. I challenge you all to submit your best camera phone captured impression of Congressman Lee. Click on the link in my 2-9-11 post for his picture. The rules are that you have to be shirtless (girls can wear a bikini top or sports bra or something) and it has to be taken into a mirror with a cell phone. The winner gets a purple Pixie Stick, if I don't eat it first. Ok, looking forward to your submissions. I'll start. Rabble-B

Double Leaning Jowler/Quote of the Week

2011-02-13T22:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Lady Caroline! May someday you roll a double leaning jowler in the championship round of a PTP World Tour.

Also, quote of the week, "I was born on a fishing trawler on the ocean in Canada. I wasn't breathing when I came out and they thought I was a girl and named me Sarah for a while." - Luke Pinnow (This may not be an exact quote but it was all said by Mr. Pinnow and is all true).