Seafair

So every town across America (ok, I guess only above the Mason-Dixon maybe) has some sort of summer festival to celebrate sun and heat and long days while they can before it snows again or in my case turns wet and gray for 9 months.  Seattle has the lovely Seafair celebration.  Actually Seafair sucks and I wish all the budget shortfalls and the shit economy would force the city to cancel it, permanently.  What a clever name for a festival too right?  Sea-Fair, a funny play on the city name.  Just like the Seahawks, our crappy football team in our non-sports loving town that won like 6 games the last two years combined.

So the Blue Angels can kiss my ass.  They shut down the freeway twice a day so they can fly around.  It's not like they're landing on the fucking I-90 bridge, why do we have to close the bridge and clog up the rest of the the surface streets and the 520 bridge so they can do some cute barrel rolls up in the air?  Planes for air, cars for pavement.

The Torchlight Parade.  Hey, lets build a bunch a floats and drive them down 4th Ave really slowly and wave to all the people watching on the sidewalk.  What?!  People start lining up for this thing at like 10am and it doesn't even start until like 6pm.  And what's even better it doesn't get dark until like 9pm and it's over by then.  Why on Earth is it call the TORCHLIGHT parade?!  For fuck's sake.  And the Seafair pirates, they aren't scary or lewd like pirates should be.  They're smiley and jolly and dressed like they'd be more at home in a gay nightclub called Shiver Me Timbers.  Give me those ostrich feathers on your hat, I'll do something useful with them, like tie flies.

Aaahhhh, the hydros, NASCAR (Non Athlethic Sport Causing Adult Retardation) on the water.  "Oh man, here they come.  Wooooohhhoooooo!  Look at that rooster tail.  Oh, they're turning left again."  Except it's not poor, Southern trash or a bunch of festys watching them.  It's rich, business people in bikinis and banana hammocks unwinding on their yachts on Lake Washington.  Give it up already!  And you, guy in the car in front of me on the I-90 bridge.  Watch the road, not the boats, I don't like driving 15mph under the speed limit.  Rabble-B