So I came home tonight to find our friendly, neighborhood roaming cat and a skunk playing together in my backyard. Seriously, a skunk. Apparently I broke up their merriment because they both dashed away. I've never seen a skunk in the city but maybe he was trying to rent a place, I don't know.
More importantly, yesterday, somehow my blog got 334 page views. And like 50 something today too. That's like a good months worth usually for me, which I'm already pretty proud of considering I write long, rambling rabbles about stupid shit that bothers me. I'm surprised anyone pays attention. Can anyone tell me how to keep racking up mega page views and maybe more subscriptions? I have like 12 subscribers. Maybe someone will pay me to advertise on my blog. And maybe Newt Gingrich will be president. Yeah, I know, it was worth a shot. Unrabble (except if America proves it's collective IQ is even lower than technically, mentally disabled and elects Newt Gingrich then mega rabble)-B
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The New Letter of the Law
We can't even follow the laws we already have so who the hell authorized the passage of these absurd new laws to be on the books for 2012?
Delaware— Civil unions or domestic partnerships for same-sex couples are legalized, giving them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married but clarifying that marriage is between a man and a woman.
Aaawwwww come people, for fuck's sake! When are we going to give up on this, "marriage is between a man and a woman" crap? It's tired and old. I mean, it's great that gays and lesbians get the same legal status as married folks but really, come on. Why do you even care who gets married and who doesn't? It doesn't affect you. Why don't we worry about all the straight people getting divorced and the resulting broken families and societal harm instead?
Georgia
— New safety requirements for cities that allow drivers to steer their golf carts off the green and onto roads and multi-use paths, including brakes, reverse warning devices and a horn.
More importantly, why are golf carts allowed on the road?
Illinois
— Motorcyclists stopped at a red light may proceed through if it fails to change to green after a reasonable length of time.
Ooohhhh yeah, what a great idea. I see this one being repealed after the first dozen splatterings.
North Carolina
— State tax collector will have fewer powers to force corporations to redo their tax returns if they're suspected of dodging taxes.
Okay boys, pack up the fortune 500, we're relocating for North Carolina. I'm taking the jet, see you there.
Utah
— New laws make any daily drink specials illegal, essentially banning happy hour.
Remember Germany or Florida? Try again, Utah. Being a wino in Utah has to be quite an accomplishment. And Salt Lake City wins for being in two posts in a row.
Rabble-B
Delaware— Civil unions or domestic partnerships for same-sex couples are legalized, giving them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married but clarifying that marriage is between a man and a woman.
Aaawwwww come people, for fuck's sake! When are we going to give up on this, "marriage is between a man and a woman" crap? It's tired and old. I mean, it's great that gays and lesbians get the same legal status as married folks but really, come on. Why do you even care who gets married and who doesn't? It doesn't affect you. Why don't we worry about all the straight people getting divorced and the resulting broken families and societal harm instead?
Georgia
— New safety requirements for cities that allow drivers to steer their golf carts off the green and onto roads and multi-use paths, including brakes, reverse warning devices and a horn.
More importantly, why are golf carts allowed on the road?
Illinois
— Motorcyclists stopped at a red light may proceed through if it fails to change to green after a reasonable length of time.
Ooohhhh yeah, what a great idea. I see this one being repealed after the first dozen splatterings.
North Carolina
— State tax collector will have fewer powers to force corporations to redo their tax returns if they're suspected of dodging taxes.
Okay boys, pack up the fortune 500, we're relocating for North Carolina. I'm taking the jet, see you there.
Utah
— New laws make any daily drink specials illegal, essentially banning happy hour.
Remember Germany or Florida? Try again, Utah. Being a wino in Utah has to be quite an accomplishment. And Salt Lake City wins for being in two posts in a row.
Rabble-B
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Shiver Me Timbers
The gayest city in the US? Mine, right? Or really, the 24/7 gay-a-thon as people like to envision it, fifteen minutes down the road from me, San Francicso. If this was a geography quiz you'd be warmish but...
Salt Lake City.
Yeah, the one in Utah. No joke, and this is according to The Advocate, a nationally recognized gay and lesbian publication.
Read the article for yourself. http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/10/10097194-gayest-us-town-surprise-its-salt-lake-city
Rabble?-B
Salt Lake City.
Yeah, the one in Utah. No joke, and this is according to The Advocate, a nationally recognized gay and lesbian publication.
Read the article for yourself. http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/10/10097194-gayest-us-town-surprise-its-salt-lake-city
Rabble?-B
God vs. The Rapist
Remember the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skit when Sean Connery asks for the category "The Rapists" and Alex Trebek corrects him with the correct title, "Therapists"? Though Celebrity Jeopardy might be the best SNL skits of all time, rape isn't funny. Which brings me to Ben "giant piece of shit rapist that never did any time because he's a rich football player" Rothelisberger, quarterback for the Steelers. And on the opposite end of the spectrum Tim "did I tell you I'm Christian yet today" Tebow and a wildcard playoff game that took place last Sunday.
Now, I'm not sure how Timmy reconciles working on the Lord's Day but I'm sure glad he does. Tebow has a lot of detractors and plenty of fans too with the meteoric rise of Tebow Nation. I think it's great Tim Tebow is Christian, and frankly all the people ripping him up for that are just a bunch of jackasses that think they're better than religion or spirituality but really project a more "holier than thou" attitude than Tebow or most religious folks I know. But, for the record, "Yeah, Tim, we get it, just go win some more games now please."
Anyway, the point of this rabble is go Broncos, go Tebow and go God! Because any possible reason Ben and the Steelers can be defeated, preferably with Ben getting carted off the field with a broken pelvis, is A-okay with me. Suck it Ben, God loves everyone, but he isn't fond of unrepentant (I know you apologized and settled out of court but we're not buying that shit) rapists so yeah, don't look forward to many more NFL championships in the future. Just watch out for the D-line son!
Next weeks headline God vs. Cheaters and Douches, when Timmy and the Broncos take on the Patriots. Here's advice for you guys in the red, white and blue. Belichick, one of the ten commandments says not to bear false witness, and cheating, like taping your opponents practices to get an edge is lying. Watch out brossif. And sir Brady, I'm pretty sure there's a rule somewhere in the Bible or Koran or Bagavad Gitas about not being a stupid douche. So yeah, wear some extra helmet padding and be careful of lightning seeing as you're playing outside. Rabble-B
Now, I'm not sure how Timmy reconciles working on the Lord's Day but I'm sure glad he does. Tebow has a lot of detractors and plenty of fans too with the meteoric rise of Tebow Nation. I think it's great Tim Tebow is Christian, and frankly all the people ripping him up for that are just a bunch of jackasses that think they're better than religion or spirituality but really project a more "holier than thou" attitude than Tebow or most religious folks I know. But, for the record, "Yeah, Tim, we get it, just go win some more games now please."
Anyway, the point of this rabble is go Broncos, go Tebow and go God! Because any possible reason Ben and the Steelers can be defeated, preferably with Ben getting carted off the field with a broken pelvis, is A-okay with me. Suck it Ben, God loves everyone, but he isn't fond of unrepentant (I know you apologized and settled out of court but we're not buying that shit) rapists so yeah, don't look forward to many more NFL championships in the future. Just watch out for the D-line son!
Next weeks headline God vs. Cheaters and Douches, when Timmy and the Broncos take on the Patriots. Here's advice for you guys in the red, white and blue. Belichick, one of the ten commandments says not to bear false witness, and cheating, like taping your opponents practices to get an edge is lying. Watch out brossif. And sir Brady, I'm pretty sure there's a rule somewhere in the Bible or Koran or Bagavad Gitas about not being a stupid douche. So yeah, wear some extra helmet padding and be careful of lightning seeing as you're playing outside. Rabble-B
Friday, January 6, 2012
Awh-some!
No more politicians, NH eatery owner says
A New Hampshire restaurant owner says he is so fed up with the flurry of GOP presidential candidates at his Portsmouth eatery that he put up his own 2012 slogan: "No Politicians, No Exceptions."For months, politicians, their staff and news media have stormed New Hampshire restaurants during the campaign for the White House.
Seeing no sign of easing until the Jan. 10 presidential primary, Jeremy Colby, owner of Colby's Breakfast & Lunch, said he had to do something to end the circus inside his small business located near the Massachusetts border.
“There is no forewarning and all of a sudden they come in and we are overrun by cameras and blah, blah and blah,” Colby told msnbc.com. “We’re trying to run a business here and this whole meet-and-greet and vote for me deal is very distractive and disruptive, not only to our staff but to our customers.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
It's been 16 minutes...
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
Barbie, the ultimate career gal who loves to dress up, is teaming up with three new like-minded friends: Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian!
A source tells the new Us Weekly, on stands Friday, that the reality stars will be immortalized as Barbie's pals in an upcoming limited-edition doll line. "The dolls will reflect the girls' measurements and may even come in Kardashian-designed outfits," says a source.
I found the preceding piece on MSN today. I'm starting to believe the Mayan calendar. Only in the end times could the Kardashians become Barbie dolls. When people, when the fuck are we going to stop caring about these people that have no talent, no intelligence and do not positively contribute to society? They are the epitome of absurdity. You know why the Kardashians are famous? Nope, it has nothing to do with their plastic dad, who really could be a Ken doll, Bruce Jenner. It's because Kim made a sex tape that found it's way to the internet. By that measure thousands more undeserving people should be famous. Thank God they're not, yet... Rabble-B
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
New Year Blah, Blah, Gitmo
So I had a pretty rad 2011 and unlike most (it seems like everyone has a shitty year every year and hope the next will be way more radtastical but they don't ever do anything to change to actively and positively change their lives and instead start each new year passed out on dingy apartment carpeting with vomit and pizza stuck to their face) was not trying to boot it off the ship in favor of this shiny new car smell 2012. But, so be it, new car smell and all, what's up 2012?!
And since I've been chained up in a dungeon of long, brown hair, and estrogen for most of the last week I finally got to peep some news today and what should I find but:
Obama to name new consumer watchdog
Haraz N. Ghanbari / AP
Richard Cordray talks with reporters after stepping off Air Force One at Cleveland Hopkins Airport in Cleveland, Ohio, Wednesday, Jan. 4, 2012. In a defiant display of executive power, President Barack Obama on Wednesday will buck GOP opposition and name Cordray as the nation's chief consumer watchdog. Outraged Republican leaders in Congress suggested that courts would determine the appointment was illegal. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)
Well hot damn! For all you folks who didn't think Obama was Jesus here ya go. Stickin' it to the big banks and the republicans. Except, if the president had any balls it would've been his original choice, Elizabeth Warren, instead of some brosty from Ohio I've never heard of and it would've been handled a couple years ago. But, hey, sounds like the republicans and Wall Street are scared of this guy so yee ha! Good going.
But then, longing to bask in the glory of 2011 I rewound my news coverage and found this:
Close Obama Says Bill Breaks With Our Values, Signs It Anyway
By Conor Friedersdorf (The Atlantic)
Though he pledges not to take them himself, why is the president empowering his successors to take actions that he admits are un-American?
For many liberals, the ACLU fulfills a role akin to a canary in a coal mine: it's beyond the capacity of the average citizen to monitor every piece of legislation that might impact civil liberties, but when the organization starts freaking out it's taken as a credible signal that our rights are in peril. As America turned its calendars from 2011 to 2012, we witnessed that kind of moment. "President Obama's action today is a blight on his legacy because he will forever be known as the president who signed indefinite detention without charge or trial into law," said Anthony D. Romero, the ACLU's executive director. "The statute is particularly dangerous because it has no temporal or geographic limitations, and can be used by this and future presidents to militarily detain people captured far from any battlefield." Warnings are seldom so dire.
And from the Washington Post:
“I have signed this bill despite having serious reservations with certain provisions that regulate the detention, interrogation, and prosecution of suspected terrorists,” Obama said. “I want to clarify that my Administration will not authorize the indefinite military detention without trial of American citizens. Indeed, I believe that doing so would break with our most important traditions and values as a Nation.”
On New Years Eve (you couldn't have waited one more day?) Obama signs a defense bill, he previously threatened to veto, that allows the military to indefinitely incarcerate American citizens suspected of terrorism without trial. After he signs it he says it breaks with our core values as a nation and that his administration won't do it (phew, crisis over). So besides taking a giant shit on the end of my awesome 2011, the spineless, run of the mill, liar caving to money and power politician, president Obama obliterates American civil rights, not to mention human rights, and then admits it? I'm truly stunned. Isn't that terrorism? Does this mean we can hold congress and the president at Guantanamo and elect a whole, fresh government? That could work. Rabble-B
And since I've been chained up in a dungeon of long, brown hair, and estrogen for most of the last week I finally got to peep some news today and what should I find but:
Obama to name new consumer watchdog
Haraz N. Ghanbari / AP
Richard Cordray talks with reporters after stepping off Air Force One at Cleveland Hopkins Airport in Cleveland, Ohio, Wednesday, Jan. 4, 2012. In a defiant display of executive power, President Barack Obama on Wednesday will buck GOP opposition and name Cordray as the nation's chief consumer watchdog. Outraged Republican leaders in Congress suggested that courts would determine the appointment was illegal. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)
Well hot damn! For all you folks who didn't think Obama was Jesus here ya go. Stickin' it to the big banks and the republicans. Except, if the president had any balls it would've been his original choice, Elizabeth Warren, instead of some brosty from Ohio I've never heard of and it would've been handled a couple years ago. But, hey, sounds like the republicans and Wall Street are scared of this guy so yee ha! Good going.
But then, longing to bask in the glory of 2011 I rewound my news coverage and found this:
Close Obama Says Bill Breaks With Our Values, Signs It Anyway
By Conor Friedersdorf (The Atlantic)
Though he pledges not to take them himself, why is the president empowering his successors to take actions that he admits are un-American?
For many liberals, the ACLU fulfills a role akin to a canary in a coal mine: it's beyond the capacity of the average citizen to monitor every piece of legislation that might impact civil liberties, but when the organization starts freaking out it's taken as a credible signal that our rights are in peril. As America turned its calendars from 2011 to 2012, we witnessed that kind of moment. "President Obama's action today is a blight on his legacy because he will forever be known as the president who signed indefinite detention without charge or trial into law," said Anthony D. Romero, the ACLU's executive director. "The statute is particularly dangerous because it has no temporal or geographic limitations, and can be used by this and future presidents to militarily detain people captured far from any battlefield." Warnings are seldom so dire.
And from the Washington Post:
“I have signed this bill despite having serious reservations with certain provisions that regulate the detention, interrogation, and prosecution of suspected terrorists,” Obama said. “I want to clarify that my Administration will not authorize the indefinite military detention without trial of American citizens. Indeed, I believe that doing so would break with our most important traditions and values as a Nation.”
On New Years Eve (you couldn't have waited one more day?) Obama signs a defense bill, he previously threatened to veto, that allows the military to indefinitely incarcerate American citizens suspected of terrorism without trial. After he signs it he says it breaks with our core values as a nation and that his administration won't do it (phew, crisis over). So besides taking a giant shit on the end of my awesome 2011, the spineless, run of the mill, liar caving to money and power politician, president Obama obliterates American civil rights, not to mention human rights, and then admits it? I'm truly stunned. Isn't that terrorism? Does this mean we can hold congress and the president at Guantanamo and elect a whole, fresh government? That could work. Rabble-B
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