Dear Earth, are you drunk?

Because your extra wobble caused by the moon feeding you an inordinate amount of booze is creating quite a stir in the human community here.  Now we have a new constellation and sign called Ophiuchus.  Oph-a-what?  How do you even pronounce that?  So by jamming a new one in there I am no longer a Gemini, twins, which always sounded kinda cool, I get to be a Taurus.  Really?  I know it's supposed to be a cool bull but all I think about is a shitty sedan built by Ford.  What the hell man?

Well it doesn't matter anyway because the astronomer from Minnesota who lit this firestorm said his comments were taken way too far and he was just suggesting (and certainly not for the first time) that, because of actual astronomical realities, the Earth rotates on it's axis due to the moon, so we see different constellations now than the Babylonians.  Apparently there's a 30,000 year cycle so in another 26,000 years we'll see the same things up in the sky as the Babylonians, or something like that.  I'm sure that's not exactly what happens but it's close.  What it really means though is... oh, wait, it doesn't mean shit because astrological signs are stupid and your horoscope means nothing.  While we all may argue about true religion and divinity is, this is not.  The Babylonians made it up and some fat, perm haired, Diet Coke swilling, white trash chick with backboobs is writing your horoscope and making money when your dumbass buys one at the store or picks up a Reader's Digest.  So just shut up and go back to your real life that isn't affected by your astrological sign which you never cared about on a day to day basis anyway.  Rabble-B

PS-I will be roughing it in Hawaii for the next ten days so the rabbles may be far and few between.  Feel bad for me.