Baking in the Desert

I think frying an egg on a rock outside the festival gates would be more fun than going into Coachella.  How the hell did the people who thought up Coachella and continue to put it on every year manage to convince tens of thousands of people they should cough up $400 and drive, fly or walk their way to the middle of nowhere in the desert to Indio, California?  Seriously, it's a shitty town in the desert.  Yeah, I know rad bands play every year.  And this year is possibly the best lineup I've ever seen at a festival, anywhere.  But festivals suck (maybe they're cool in Europe).  Who wants to spend a whole weekend in 100 degree heat with 40,000 stinky, drunk, stoned, jackasses, and hippies, only to sort of, not actually really get to see the great (or often mediocre at best) music you paid to see?  Not me.  I can't even handle a crowded grocery store, or my job sometimes.  Coachella is like Burning Man, possibly the worst festival, if you can call it that, on the planet.  Sometimes I dream the Burning Man would fall over and incinerate thousands of stupid hippies.  Someday...  but I digress.  I'd rather sit at home and watch Family Matters reruns on a black and white tv while sitting naked in ice bath holding a working toaster in one hand and a pissed off mongoose in the other and sipping rancid V8 than go to Coachella.  So yeah, have fun all you folks who paid way too much money and sold out both weekends in two hours to have no memory of said weekend except for a wicked sunburn because you're too stupid or macho to put on sunscreen.  I'll be content to see Jeff Mangum at the Fox Theater in Oakland for just one, awesomely mellow night of good music, with a few people who actually are there to see music.  Rabble-B