Dude, seriously, how hard is it to listen to your voicemail and delete messages that are no longer pertinent? It takes like ten seconds man. How the fuck am I supposed to leave you a message informing you I ran into Darla, your ex-girlfriend, last night and how she was wasted and knows about Cindy, that slutty chick you've been hooking up with lately (the same one I told you to stay the fuck away from, but far be it from me to tell you what to do...), and she wants to rip her jugular out and drink the blood spraying from her carotid artery. That's after she chops your balls off with a dull hatchet. Man, how the hell did you ever get involved with her? Anyway, yeah, text message you say? I don't think that's gonna cut it dipshit. I'm not going to write you a freaking novel to enlighten you about last night's mayhem. I need to talk to you or leave a message so you'll call my ass back. But no, all I get is, "The subscriber you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that is full. Please try again later." Later, like when? 30 seconds from now or later, like after you run into Darla again. Dammit man! Or, even better pal, what if I was your doctor calling to say you have Ebola or maybe, the test results came back and you're deathly allergic to shitty beer so don't go to that party in Ellensburg this weekend. Or shit, I don't know, maybe your mom had a fall and broke her hip. Clean out your fucking voicemail box asshole! Rabble-B
Maybe the last time you were flying around drunk in your spaceship and crashed into the alien ambassador ship for the sixth time they finally got fed up and started a personal crusade to annoy you. Not ruin your life or vaporize you or the entire planet but just annoy the shit out of you by hurling meteorites at your house once a year. Good job pal, fucking idiot. Rabble-B
Man hit by six meteorites is being 'targeted by aliens'
A Bosnian man who claims he is being targeted by extraterrestrials after a series of meteorite strikes on his house has now been hit by a sixth space rock in the space of a few years.
Radivoje Lajic and one of the many space rocks of doom to have rained down upon his house
Radivoje Lajic first came to international attention in 2008, shortly after the fifth meteorite had crashed into the roof of his house in the northern village of Gornji Lajici.
And now, within the past month, another rock has hit the roof of his house, in defiance of all the odds - making it six strikes since the plague of meteorites began in 2007.
Experts at Belgrade University have confirmed that all the falling rocks he has handed over were meteorites. They are now trying to work out what exactly it is about his house that particularly attracts them. The strikes always happen when it is raining heavily, he says, never when there are clear skies.
Lajic has his own explanation, of course. After the fifth rock struck his house, he said: 'I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials. I don't know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense. The chance of being hit by a meteorite is so small that getting hit six times has to be deliberate.'
50-year-old Lajic has had a steel girder reinforced roof put on the house to protect it from the alien bombardment - which he funded by selling one of the meteorites to a university in the Netherlands.
'I have no doubt I am being targeted by aliens,' he adds. 'They are playing games with me. I don't know why they are doing this. When it rains I can't sleep for worrying about another strike.'
Really? The last one in the whole fucking park? Aren't national parks and game preserves supposed to be sanctuaries for animals? Can we just pay park rangers a shitload of money and arm them with sniper rifles and night vision scopes and give them immunity from murder prosecution? Then can we see how much poaching goes on after that? We've cured Polio but we can't stop killing endangered animals for aphrodisiac potions, for fuck's sake people! Poachers, FUCK OFF! Rabble-B
Poachers kill last female rhino in South African park for prized horn
Record levels of poaching are endangering survival of rhinoceros in South Africa
The last rhinoceros cow in Krugersdorp park, South Africa, bled to death on Wednesday after poachers hacked off her horn. Photograph: Reuters South African wildlife experts are calling for urgent action against poachers after the last female rhinoceros in a popular game reserve near Johannesburg bled to death after having its horn hacked off.
Wildlife officials say poaching for the prized horns has now reached an all-time high. "Last year, 129 rhinos were killed for their horns in South Africa. This year, we have already had 136 deaths," said Japie Mostert, chief game ranger at the 1,500-hectare Krugersdorp game reserve.
The gang used tranquilliser guns and a helicopter to bring down the nine-year-old rhino cow. Her distraught calf was moved to a nearby estate where it was introduced to two other orphaned white rhinos.
Wanda Mkutshulwa, a spokeswoman for South African National Parks, said investigations into the growing number of incidents had been shifted to the country's organised crime unit. "We are dealing with very focused criminals. Police need to help game reserves because they are not at all equipped to handle crime on such an organised level,'' she said.
Rhino horn consists of compressed keratin fibre – similar to hair – and in many Asian cultures it is a fundamental ingredient in traditional medicines.
Mkutshulwa said poaching was also rife in the Kruger Park. Five men were arrested there in the past week alone – four of whom were caught with two bloodied rhino horns, AK-47 assault rifles, bolt-action rifles and an axe.
Krugersdorp game reserve attracts at least 200,000 visitors every year. It is also close to a private airport, which may have been used by the poachers.
"The exercise takes them very little time," Mostert said. "They first fly over the park in the late afternoon to locate where the rhino is grazing. Then they return at night and dart the animal from the air. The tranquilliser takes less than seven minutes to act.
"They saw off the horns with a chainsaw. They do not even need to switch off the rotors of the helicopter. We do not hear anything because our houses are too far away. The animal dies either from an overdose of tranquilliser or bleeds to death."
The committee of the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (Cites) warned last year that rhino poaching had reached an all-time high. The Cites conference in Geneva in July 2009 heard that Asia's economic expansion had fuelled the market in rhino horns. The horns are also used in the Middle East to make handles for ornamental daggers. Cites said demand for them had begun to soar in recent years. In the five years up to 2005, an average of only 36 rhinos had been killed each year.
Conservationists estimate that there are only 18,000 black and white rhinos in Africa, down from 65,000 in the 1970s. Mostert, who has been a ranger for 20 years, said the animals fetch up to 1m rand (£85,000) at game auctions and cannot be insured.
Cites has praised South Africa for its action against poachers. Two weeks ago, a Vietnamese man was jailed for 10 years for trying to smuggle horns out of the country.
Ok, you guys fucked up the US Gulf Coast for years, maybe decades to come. And, despite the announcement today that your new, fancy cap is holding back the torrents of oil for the moment, you tripped over yourselves and ate a sandwich and drank a beer before you actually did something meaningful about the disaster. No thanks to the federal government of course. They had golf to play. Anyway, first of all, what reason could BP have for lobbying for the release of the Lockerbie bomber? Something you officially aknowledge doing. And no I don't believe you, BP, when you say you did not make some sort of back door, under handed, money grubbing deal with the UK and Libya to drill oil off their coast in return for the release of the Lockerbie bomber. What sort of honest track record do you have that would make me believe you? I hope you don't cite the 5,000 barrels a day of oil pouring into the gulf when it actually turned out to be like 60,000 and you only admitted that when outside sources verbally pummeled you for your pitifully low estimate, also known as a lie. Anyway, fuck you gain, BP. I hope you go bankrupt. Rabble-B
BP to drill for Libyan oil despite Lockerbie bomber furor
U.S. senators urge delays but BP says it will press ahead within weeks
AFP - Getty Images file
Lockerbie bomber Abdel Baset al-Megrahi received a hero's welcome when he arrived in Tripoli, Libya, on Aug. 20, 2009.
LONDON — Oil giant BP said Thursday that it planned to start drilling off the coast of Libya within weeks despite calls from U.S. senators for a moratorium over the company's alleged links to the release of the Lockerbie bomber.
Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, D-N.Y., told NBC’s TODAY on Thursday that the U.K. government should investigate what role the company played in the decision to free Abdel Baset al-Megrahi in August 2009.
"We want a moratorium on the drilling [by BP] off Libya's coast. We believe BP should not be allowed to drill until we have resolution of this," she told the show.
Al-Megrahi, 57, is the only person convicted of carrying out the 1988 bombing of a U.S. airliner over Lockerbie, Scotland, that killed 270 people.
He was released on compassionate grounds by the Scottish government after doctors said he was likely just months from death. Nearly a year later, he remains alive.
BP signed a $900 million exploration agreement with Libya in May 2007, the same month that Britain and Libya signed an agreement that paved the way for al-Megrahi's release from a Scottish prison.
BP has admitted that it lobbied the British government over a prisoner transfer deal with Libya in late 2007, but denied playing any role in the actual decision to release al-Megrahi nearly two years later.
What the fuck is up with parking garages?! Seriously, are parking garages only designed by first year architect students at a second rate technical school? I defy you to think of a parking garage that is easy to navigate and drive through. Up in the air or down in the ground, they all suck. I can hear the design conversation now, "Ok, so in this one we're going to have drivers enter and drive around on the left side of the road the whole time. That will make things more efficient." "In this garage we're going to have them enter on the left and then half way up switch over and drive on the right. Genius!" "We have a limited space this time boys so we're going to make every spot just big enough to fit a shopping cart and a boombox in and then we can squeeze an extra 75 spaces in." "Ok, so to make sure people know where they left their vehicle we're going to use a combination of several letters, colors, animals and past losing presidential candidates. So you will park in R, Blue Hyena, Mondale." Ugh. I have a message for all parking garage designers out there.
Hey, fucktards, maybe someday you could design a parking garage that actually accommodates cars and isn't horribly confusing to drive in. How about starting with one with a ceiling higher than 6' so a contractor or landscaper or who the fuck ever person that actually needs a uses a truck (no, not you rich, suburban mom in your giant Ford Expedition, I feel no sympathy for you) can park. Or maybe you could figure out a way to not have 15 different signs telling me to go this way and then that way and despite what the last sign said, this is not an exit. Just sayin', you know. Or, what about a garage big enough that I don't have to make an 18 point turn in my Honda Civic to avoid backing into the car across the way? Or, is that asking too much. I'm sorry. Oh, wait, I'm not. I'm pretty sure I could take some crayons and scrawl something down on a paper towel sheet that would function better than any parking garage I've ever driven in. It's not difficult, it's your job. For fuck's sake man! Rabble-B
If you're that drunk and you feel the need to drive I can't imagine a safer way to travel than 5 mph on a riding mower. Rabble-B
Iowa man arrested after lawn mower ride on highway
updated 7/8/2010 1:58:42 AM ET
MADRID, Iowa — A middle-of-the-night ride on a lawn mower landed one Iowa man in jail.
The Boone County Sheriff's Office says deputies stopped the man on Highway 17 near Madrid around 1 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports of someone driving a mower all over the road with no headlights. Madrid is about 25 miles northwest of Des Moines.
The man was arrested for drunken driving. The Sheriff's Office says his blood-alcohol level was .190 — well above Iowa's limit of .08.
Boone County Sheriff Ron Fehr says it's illegal in Iowa to drive any kind of motor vehicle anywhere while drunk.
Fehr wasn't sure how fast the man was going on the six-speed Bolens lawn tractor. The Des Moines Register reports that the top speed for that mower is about 5 mph.
"Nothin' ain't worth nothin' but it's free." - Bob Weir
Wow, that's some deep, philosophical shit Bob. What?! What the fuck does that even mean? Or were you just so high when you thought that one up it sounded profound and you had to sing a song about it? Or maybe it was a cover you played. Well, if that's the case you picked dumb fucking song to cover. How about just roll antoher joint and quit playing music because the only reason anyone knows who you are is Jerry Garcia and he is dead and the band is over. Quit playing shitty music with shitty lyrics and deal with it. Rabble-B
What's with people clapping at in appropriate times? You sir or ma'am, look like an idiot. I'm not talking about at a concert, clapping before the song is really over, belying the fact that you are a casual fan at best and don't really know the songs. Nor am I talking about inappropriately clapping for someones birthday at a restaurant after the staff sings happy birthday to them, or something awkward like that. I'm saying, why are you clapping after a 4th of July fireworks display is over? The pyrotechnicians who put on the display cannot hear your applause. Or at a movie theater. Why are you clapping when the movie is over? I understand you liked the film, I did too but neither the, director or actors nor the key grip, can hear your applause. Besides they only care about your ticket money or maybe a Oscar. So in keeping with lists here are several places where clapping is appropriate and several where it is not...
Appropriate: Sporting events experienced in person, speeches (political or otherwise), a play, protest rally, symphony etc.
Inappropriate: Movies, fireworks displays, sporting events experienced from your couch, I can't think of anymore but you get the idea. Rabble-B
Why? Dude, seriously solar is the awesome-ist energy of all. All we have to do is put a shitload of solar panels on the roofs of all the fucking buildings we've constructed over the last millennium and bingo,crystal clean power for the whole world. Ok, I'll concede solar power isn't as efficient as other power sources and is pretty expensive. However, that's what technology is for. Before the 1960's did anyone think we could actually fly a fucking space shuttle to the moon? Not so much. So maybe if we made it a priority and invested some money in it solar power could kick ass. Actually, I'm sure it would and while we're at it make the solar panels recyclable or maybe edible. Yeah, I know the sun will burn out some day but in like another few billion years we'll have figured out something else I'm sure. So, solar power wins.
Wave power is pretty rad in its own right. Wave energy is constant and clean. No mess, no waste and it never runs out. Endless energy for the world. The only downside vs. solar is solar panels on top of a million buildings we have to put a bunch of machines in the ocean. Creates a little bit of waste, though it would be way out in the ocean where no one travels or sees it. And, yeah, I know this is another area we haven't perfected yet but just inject a little money into it and I guarantee it will work. I mean an 8th grade kid created a wave machine for a science project a few years ago and got on the news. How hard can it be?
Now, nuclear energy is a spicy topic but in reality nuclear power create mass amounts of energy and the output is very clean. Right now though we can only control nuclear fission reactions to create energy. What we really need to to is create controllable fusion reactions. That's what a nuclear bomb is but obviously that is totally uncontrolled, not to mention horrifying. Controlled fusion would create many times (I don't know the exact number) more energy than fission and again, power the world. In theory the only downside is nuclear power plants are huge and ugly. In reality the downside is nuclear waste and meltdown. We don't need another Chernobyl. That kind of thing pretty much negates the positives of nuclear power so hence the asterisk on the list. In the event of nuclear meltdown it goes to the bottom of the list.
Wind is great too. Never ending and clean as a whistle. No, it doesn't kill mass birds, they fly through or around wind farms. This is one energy area that has seen significant growth in the last decade but still accounts for a tiny percentage of our energy production. And for you rich fuckers over in Massachusetts that complained about the proposed off shore wind farm. "Oh, it would ruin our view of Nantuckett Sound." It's like 15 miles off the coast, you wouldn't even be able to see it! So fuck you! Anyway, the only downside to wind is all the windmills. I mean, they actually look kind of cool but millions of them all over the place would get a little ridiculous. But better a windmill than an oil derrick ruining that national park view (fucking George Bush).
Hydroelectricity is clean, renewable energy but fuck hydro power. It's complete bullshit. It degrades river environment corridor and kills fish both directly and indirectly. Damming rivers creates warm lakes for coldwater fish, blocks fish passage, mass amounts of siltation, turbines cut up juvenille fish among other vile impacts. Yes, in some cases dams are fine and even improve a river system. The vast majority of the time? They suck. They ruin the environment and kill fish. Fuck hydro power.
Oil, where do I begin. How about this... Giant oil companies with too much money and control, lack of government regulation and/or balls, oil spills, foreign oil dependence, air pollution, water contamination, oil rig footprints, $4 at the pump. Oil sucks. Next!
Coal is just shit. It's only slightly worse than oil just because it does all the shitty things oil does but our economy and society doesn't run on it. I can't fill my car up with rocks at the coal station. Coal is produced by invasive strip or deep shaft mining. Either way it ruins the environment and leaves a nasty footprint on the Earth. Strip mining is rough on the surface, where layers of mountainsides are literally carved away. Of course mining deep in the bowels of the Earth can easily kill you. You know, gas explosion, cave in, no big deal... Then there's the coal fired power plants. The air pollution is fucking ridiculous. Coal even stains the trees and building black. No thanks, fuck that. Make diamonds out of it instead, then maybe fewer people would be killed mining in Africa. Rabble-B
Radivoje Lajic and one of the many space rocks of doom to have rained down upon his house Radivoje Lajic first came to international attention in 2008, shortly after the fifth meteorite had crashed into the roof of his house in the northern village of Gornji Lajici.
AFP - Getty Images file 
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