Zombie Apocolypse? Nope, just Florida

Sing it with me, Down in Florida, where the days are warm and you might be murdered for no reason, but only if your black but some people don't discriminate, they'll just bite your face off.  I'm working on a chorus.  The Florida tourism bureau needs to changed their slogan to, "Beautiful Beaches and biting behemoths, Fun for the whole fam-damily, only in FLORIDA!"

I like the last paragraph, where the cops claim they can't tell if it was the three gunshots that killed him or something else.  50 Cent survived more than that right?  Sure.  And the last line,

"He's obviously on some type of narcotics to make him act like this." 

No shit?  Great detective work guys!  Because the only other explanation for face biting would be Zombie apocalypse.  Actually, it's Florida, that's explanation enough.  Rabble-B

Naked Man Shot to Death After Eating Teen's Face, Assaulting Cop

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A naked man with "superhuman strength" was shot to death Tuesday night after assaulting a former police officer and biting part of a teenager's face off.

According to Palm Beach County Sheriff Ric Bradshaw, the naked man was walking down a road near Delray Beach, Florida when, for reasons that remain unclear, he attacked a 66-year-old former NYPD officer. The retired cop was rushed to the hospital with serious injuries.

Meanwhile, the naked man continued up the road, where he encountered and chased a man walking with his 10-year-old son. Later, the naked man attacked an 18-year-old man, biting his face until the teen stabbed the man with a box cutter or knife. By that time, police officers had arrived on the scene and attempted to Taser the nude man.

"He's obviously delirious on something," Palm Beach County Sheriff Ric Bradshaw told the Palm Beach Post. "He is a huge guy. He takes a fighting stance. They're trying to get him on the ground. He starts charging them. The Taser did not affect him."

A deputy then shot the man three times, once in the torso and twice in the lower body. The man died later that night at a nearby hospital.

"We don't know right now if he's expired from the gunshots, or if he's expired because of obviously he's on some type of drugs that have made him act like this," Bradshaw said. "There's no way to know if those are the shots that actually killed him, or if he's died from what they called exited delirium. He's obviously on some type of narcotics to make him act like this."

From Russia with Love

The Russian deputy Prime minister Dimitry Kozak recently commented on gays at the Sochi Olympics.  He reminded everyone they have nothing to worry about saying, "We are all grownups, and any adult has his or her right to understand their sexual activity. Please do not touch kids. That’s the only thing."

Wait, so gay is a synonym for pedophile?  So Freddy Mercury = Jerry Sandusky?  Ok, got it... you shit for brains, ignorant asshole!  Check out this trailer for the documentary Hunted and wonder why we aren't boycotting the Olympics?  Rabble-B

Forty eight is not my age

Then there's this story:

Issaquah changes name to 12SAQUAH

Credit: KING 5

A vintage trolley that provides a link between downtown Issaquah and the Gilman Village area

by KING 5 News

Posted on January 31, 2014 at 2:16 PM

• Mount Rainier becomes Mount Seattle Seahawks

For one day, Issaquah will be "12SAQUAH." That day, of course, is Super Bowl Sunday.
The city's mayor, Fred Butler, issued the proclamation at City Hall on Friday morning.
"We are the 12s, and we could not be more proud of our Seahawks," Butler said. "I know I speak for our entire community when I say, I'm in."

I worked in Issaquah for ten years and it's also my wife's home town.  I've never heard of 12saquah.  That's not even a word.  Notice the headline about Mount Rainier... 

Ok, look Puget Sound, your team is really good, crazy good and they might even win the Super Bowl (Lord knows the entire rest of the country doesn't want them too, just like 2005), but chill out a little bit.  Weed is legal, go smoke a j. 

Despite my affinity for the 49ers that goes back to my childhood watching Joe Montana and Jerry Rice that is reinforced by where I now live and my constant head scratching at the insane rivalry that has developed in only the last three years, I like the Seahawks.  I've always liked the Seahawks.  How long have you been a Seahawks fan?  Who has watched Dave Krieg throw a TD to Steve Largent?  Jim Zorn?  Cortez Kennedy?  How many of you were Seahawks fans in 2005 when the refs stole the Superbowl from Seattle and gave it to Pittsburgh?  Do you remember who coached Seattle that year?  I remember all of this.  But guess what?  I'm not renaming my cat Golden Tate.  I'm not spending thousands of dollars to go see the game and I'm not donning a children's Thundercats costume, painting it green and calling myself Beastmode.  Why?  Because I'm not a lunatic. 

So, Puget Sound just take a deep breath, grab a beer and a slice of pizza and root for the Seahawks.  That's what I'm gonna do.  Enjoy the game.  Just don't go into a black hole of depression if they choke in the clutch, just remember that's what all Seattle sports teams do.  It comes natural.  Let's see if they can buck the trend.  Rabble-B

me tahk good

So apparently, unknown to me, I was drunk last night when I wrote that last post.  Any editing skills I thought I possessed were left unused in the mentally challenged goo that is my brain.  My commentary should have read:

What I want to know is where she got the feces?  Did she use her own shit or squeeze it out of a rat?  Did she pay a hobo?  The cat box?

The best line is, "a trace amount of a brown substance also was found in the needle of an otherwise empty syringe found in Vogel's purse, police said."  She put the shit in her purse?!  What?!  Arizona is giving Florida a run for its money as them most bizarre state.  I'm going to ralph.  Rabble-B

Rabble-B

Death by Turd

What I want to know is where she go the feces?  Did she sue her own shit or squeeze it out of a rat?  Did she pay a hobo?  The cat box? 

The best line is, "a trace amount of a brown substance also was found in the needle of an otherwise empty syringe found in Vogel's purse, police said."  She put the shit in her purse?!  What?!  Arizona is giving Florida a run for its money as most bizarre state.  I going to ralph.  Rabble-B

Police: Woman put fecal matter in husband's IV

Updated 3:51 pm, Friday, January 31, 2014

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CHANDLER, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona woman has been accused of trying to kill her hospitalized husband by injecting fecal matter into his IV line, police in suburban Phoenix said Friday.Rose Mary Vogel of Sun Lakes was arrested Thursday on suspicion of attempted first-degree murder after a nurse found the 65-year-old handling her husband's IV line, which was found to contain a brown substance, police said. Police don't have a possible motive.
A hospital lab test identified the brown substance in the IV line as fecal matter, and a trace amount of a brown substance also was found in the needle of an otherwise empty syringe found in Vogel's purse, police said.
When it was searched in the hospital, Vogel's purse contained a total of three syringes, including two with a clear liquid, police said. Police documents said Vogel is a retired registered nurse who formerly worked at the hospital, Chandler Regional Medical Center.
Investigators plan to conduct forensic tests on all the materials involved over the next week or two, police Sgt. Joe Favazzo said However, the hospital had to test the brown substance in the IV line immediately for treatment purposes.
"The lab came back with fecal matter," he said.
The incident occurred after the 66-year-old man had undergone a heart procedure. He's expected to survive that, as well as the alleged attempt on his life.
Vogel declined to be interviewed by police and asked for an attorney. Favazzo said he didn't know whether she has one yet. Her bond was set at $100,000 at her initial court appearance Friday.