Energy awesomeness, or lack there of

The top 5, or 7 rather,  means of energy from most to least awesome.

1. Solar
2. Wave
3. Nuclear*
4. Wind
5. Hydro
6. Oil
7. Coal

Why?  Dude, seriously solar is the awesome-ist energy of all.  All we have to do is put a shitload of solar panels on the roofs of all the fucking buildings we've constructed over the last millennium and bingo,crystal clean power for the whole world.  Ok, I'll concede  solar power isn't as efficient as other power sources and is pretty expensive.  However, that's what technology is for.  Before the 1960's did anyone think we could actually fly a fucking space shuttle to the moon?  Not so much.  So maybe if we made it a priority and invested some money in it solar power could kick ass.  Actually, I'm sure it would and while we're at it make the solar panels recyclable or maybe edible.  Yeah, I know the sun will burn out some day but in like another few billion years we'll have figured out something else I'm sure.  So, solar power wins.

Wave power is pretty rad in its own right.  Wave energy is constant and clean.  No mess,  no waste and it never runs out.  Endless energy for the world.  The only downside vs. solar is solar panels on top of a million buildings we have to put a bunch of machines in the ocean.  Creates a little bit of waste, though it would be way out in the ocean where no one travels or sees it.  And, yeah, I know this is another area we haven't perfected yet but just inject a little money into it and I guarantee it will work.  I mean an 8th grade kid created a wave machine for a science project a few years ago and got on the news.  How hard can it be?

Now, nuclear energy is a spicy topic but in reality nuclear power create mass amounts of energy and the output is very clean.  Right now though we can only control nuclear fission reactions to create energy.  What we really need to to is create controllable fusion reactions.  That's what a nuclear bomb is but obviously that is totally uncontrolled, not to mention horrifying.  Controlled fusion would create many times (I don't know the exact number) more energy than fission and again, power the world.  In theory the only downside is nuclear power plants are huge and ugly.  In reality the downside is nuclear waste and meltdown.  We don't need another Chernobyl.  That kind of thing pretty much negates the positives of nuclear power so hence the asterisk on the list.  In the event of nuclear meltdown it goes to the bottom of the list.

Wind is great too.  Never ending and clean as a whistle.  No, it doesn't kill mass birds, they fly through or around wind farms.  This is one energy area that has seen significant growth in the last decade but still accounts for a tiny percentage of our energy production.  And for you rich fuckers over in Massachusetts that complained about the proposed off shore wind farm.  "Oh, it would ruin our view of Nantuckett Sound."  It's like 15 miles off the coast, you wouldn't even be able to see it!  So fuck you!  Anyway, the only downside to wind is all the windmills.  I mean, they actually look kind of cool but millions of them all over the place would get a little ridiculous.  But better a windmill than an oil derrick ruining that national park view (fucking George Bush).

Hydroelectricity is clean, renewable energy but fuck hydro power.  It's complete bullshit.  It degrades river environment corridor and kills fish both directly and indirectly.  Damming rivers creates warm lakes for coldwater fish, blocks fish passage, mass amounts of siltation, turbines cut up juvenille fish among other vile impacts.  Yes, in some cases dams are fine and even improve a river system.  The vast majority of the time?  They suck.  They ruin the environment and kill fish.  Fuck hydro power. 

Oil, where do I begin.  How about this...  Giant oil companies with too much money and control, lack of government regulation and/or balls, oil spills, foreign oil dependence, air pollution, water contamination, oil rig footprints, $4 at the pump.  Oil sucks.  Next!

Coal is just shit.  It's only slightly worse than oil just because it does all the shitty things oil does but our economy and society doesn't run on it.  I can't fill my car up with rocks at the coal station.  Coal is produced by invasive strip or deep shaft mining.  Either way it ruins the environment and leaves a nasty footprint on the Earth.  Strip mining is rough on the surface, where layers of mountainsides are literally carved away.  Of course mining deep in the bowels of the Earth can easily kill you.  You know, gas explosion, cave in, no big deal...  Then there's the coal fired power plants.  The air pollution is fucking ridiculous.  Coal even stains the trees and building black.  No thanks, fuck that.  Make diamonds out of it instead, then maybe fewer people would be killed mining in Africa.  Rabble-B