Monday, January 30, 2012

Ride the Rainbow!

Definitely my new favorite Youtube video.  Unrabble-B
 

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Li'l Rascal

Pretty sure all Rascals should not be able to go any faster than an average, able bodied, person can walk.  Just saying.  Rabble-B

Space Monkey?

So I know people choke themselves to the point of passing out and I know these people have mental issues and need help and it's unfortunate.  But until I read this article I didn't realize people, college students, do it to each other to get high?!  What the fuck man?!  If someone tried to put a plastic bag over my head I would knock their teeth out.  Right?  This is one of the very dumbest things I've ever heard of.  If you want to get high, SMOKE SOME POT!  Don't choke yourself. 

I think that should be a new PSA.  If you want to get high, smoke a joint.  Don't choke yourself.  "The more you know", followed by a rainbow comet.  Fucking idiots...  Rabble-B

Read the article...

Students Report Playing Dangerous 'Choking Game'


One in seven at a Texas university tried it, survey finds

-- Robert Preidt


FRIDAY, Jan. 27 (HealthDay News) -- The "choking game" has been played by nearly one in seven students who were surveyed at a Texas university, a new study finds.
This so-called 'game' is played individually or in groups and involves deliberately cutting off blood flow to the brain in order to achieve a high. This is done by choking oneself or others, applying a ligature around the neck, placing a plastic bag over the head, placing heavy objects on the chest, or hyperventilating.
The dangerous behavior -- also called the "fainting game," "pass out" or "space monkey" -- has led to several suffocation deaths in Texas and around the country, according to researchers at the Crime Victims' Institute at Sam Houston State University.
"This study was undertaken to determine who is playing the game, in what context, and how they learned about it," Glen Kercher, director of the Crime Victims' Institute, said in a university news release. "It is our hope that these findings will inform efforts by parents, schools and community agencies to warn young people about the dangers of participating in the choking game."
The investigators conducted a survey of 837 university students and found that 16 percent reported having played the choking game and 72 percent of those students said they had done so more than once. The average age when students first played the choking game was 14, and 90 percent of those who had played the game first heard about it from peers.
Curiosity was the primary motivation for playing the choking game and most of those who had participated said others were present. Males were more likely to have participated than females, the findings showed.
Learning about the potential dangers of the choking game acted as a deterrent for most the students who had never engaged in this behavior.
"This 'game,' as it is often called, does not require obtaining any drugs or alcohol, is free, and can go undetected by many parents, teachers, physicians and other authority figures. Most importantly, many of those who engage in this activity do not understand that the practice can be just as deadly as the illegal substances youth have been warned against," the study authors pointed out in the news release.

SOURCE: Sam Houston State University, news release, Jan. 18, 2012

Copyright @2011 HealthDay. All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Pitfalls

Dear food scientists,

While I am generally against genetically modified foods (like how we only have one banana strain grown commercially that is susceptible to an apocalyptic plague, and don't get me started on Monsanto again) I have to ask, why can you not breed avocados with tiny pits?  The pit in an avocado is enormous, removing one is what I think it's like to perform a c-section.  More importantly, it wastes internal avocado space that could be used for the tasty part and guacamole fixin's. 

Sincerely,

Rabble-B

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

When Animals Attack

What happened to this show?  Remember when the the Cheetah attacked the guy inside the cab of his truck?  Seriously, awesome-ist show on television.  Please start filming new episodes.  Rabble-B

Monday, January 16, 2012

Down With the Ship?

So I read that the captain of the cruise ship that crashed into a bunch of rocks on the Italian coast drove off course so one of the wait staff could WAVE TO HIS FAMILY AS HE WENT BY!  What?!  What the fuck are you talking about?  Look at the picture, you're like 50 feet from shore in a ship/small city that drafts like what, 25 or 30 feet.  What were you thinking?  Dude, you're not on a spring break booze cruise in your buddy's ski boat, driving by some hot chicks in bikinis on Lake Havasu.  You're the well paid and well trained captain of a ginormous ship with 4,000 people on it.  Their safety is your responsibility.  Get it together you dumbass.  You deserve to be charged with manslaughter and abandoning your ship.  What, don't tell me they don't teach that the captain goes down with the ship in nautical school.  If that's not something you're comfortable with then YOU NEVER SHOULD'VE BECOME A BOAT CAPTAIN!  You acted like George Constanza when in the episode where he's at the kid's birthday party and thinks there's a fire and pushes all the kids and old ladies out of the way so he can escape.  You're a dick and a coward.  Have fun in Italian prison douche bag.  Rabble-B

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Baking in the Desert

I think frying an egg on a rock outside the festival gates would be more fun than going into Coachella.  How the hell did the people who thought up Coachella and continue to put it on every year manage to convince tens of thousands of people they should cough up $400 and drive, fly or walk their way to the middle of nowhere in the desert to Indio, California?  Seriously, it's a shitty town in the desert.  Yeah, I know rad bands play every year.  And this year is possibly the best lineup I've ever seen at a festival, anywhere.  But festivals suck (maybe they're cool in Europe).  Who wants to spend a whole weekend in 100 degree heat with 40,000 stinky, drunk, stoned, jackasses, and hippies, only to sort of, not actually really get to see the great (or often mediocre at best) music you paid to see?  Not me.  I can't even handle a crowded grocery store, or my job sometimes.  Coachella is like Burning Man, possibly the worst festival, if you can call it that, on the planet.  Sometimes I dream the Burning Man would fall over and incinerate thousands of stupid hippies.  Someday...  but I digress.  I'd rather sit at home and watch Family Matters reruns on a black and white tv while sitting naked in ice bath holding a working toaster in one hand and a pissed off mongoose in the other and sipping rancid V8 than go to Coachella.  So yeah, have fun all you folks who paid way too much money and sold out both weekends in two hours to have no memory of said weekend except for a wicked sunburn because you're too stupid or macho to put on sunscreen.  I'll be content to see Jeff Mangum at the Fox Theater in Oakland for just one, awesomely mellow night of good music, with a few people who actually are there to see music.  Rabble-B

Friday, January 13, 2012

BARTworld, BARTworld, party time, excellent, didolodidolodidolo

Since I ride the BART now everyday I've decided to start a new recurring piece.  More recurring than the Quote of the Week which is not all that recurring as well as The High Flying Adventures of CAM-10 which doesn't work so well when your camera is sort of broken for a while.  Waterproof?  Sure.

Anyway, short of hanging out in Civic Center all day, riding the BART is the best way to see, hear and experience crazy shit at it's best.  It's really more entertaining than most anything else I can imagine, like the guy toting an enormous loaf of bread (not in a bag) and perusing the latest bread news on some bread website on his iPhone.

But that's JV shit.  Earlier this week I sat in front of a man (?) with a giant pile of papers and plastic and junk that he was rearranging or something.  Said man (?) was dressed in some super tight, odd garb and just jammin' out hard to something on his cassette walkman, which I should mention was rubberbanded to a box of candy.  As we neared his stop he decided to noisily bag up all his papers and junk and oh, yeah, his giant stick of cotton candy.  But he didn't have a taste for sweets that day because he lit a cigarette at that time.  Seriously, who smokes on a subway?  What the fuck?  Not to mention it's pretty illegal.  And then we stopped, he bounced off mumbling most of the way and vanished.  Ah, the crazy.  Rabble-B

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Best Friends

So I came home tonight to find our friendly, neighborhood roaming cat and a skunk playing together in my backyard.  Seriously, a skunk.  Apparently I broke up their merriment because they both dashed away.  I've never seen a skunk in the city but maybe he was trying to rent a place, I don't know.

More importantly, yesterday, somehow my blog got 334 page views.  And like 50 something today too.  That's like a good months worth usually for me, which I'm already pretty proud of considering I write long, rambling rabbles about stupid shit that bothers me.  I'm surprised anyone pays attention.  Can anyone tell me how to keep racking up mega page views and maybe more subscriptions?  I have like 12 subscribers.  Maybe someone will pay me to advertise on my blog.  And maybe Newt Gingrich will be president.  Yeah, I know, it was worth a shot.  Unrabble (except if America proves it's collective IQ is even lower than technically, mentally disabled and elects Newt Gingrich then mega rabble)-B

The New Letter of the Law

We can't even follow the laws we already have so who the hell authorized the passage of these absurd new laws to be on the books for 2012?

Delaware— Civil unions or domestic partnerships for same-sex couples are legalized, giving them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married but clarifying that marriage is between a man and a woman.

Aaawwwww come people, for fuck's sake!  When are we going to give up on this, "marriage is between a man and a woman" crap?  It's tired and old.  I mean, it's great that gays and lesbians get the same legal status as married folks but really, come on.  Why do you even care who gets married and who doesn't?  It doesn't affect you.  Why don't we worry about all the straight people getting divorced and the resulting broken families and societal harm instead? 

Georgia
— New safety requirements for cities that allow drivers to steer their golf carts off the green and onto roads and multi-use paths, including brakes, reverse warning devices and a horn.


More importantly, why are golf carts allowed on the road?

Illinois
— Motorcyclists stopped at a red light may proceed through if it fails to change to green after a reasonable length of time.


Ooohhhh yeah, what a great idea.  I see this one being repealed after the first dozen splatterings.

North Carolina
— State tax collector will have fewer powers to force corporations to redo their tax returns if they're suspected of dodging taxes.

Okay boys, pack up the fortune 500, we're relocating for North Carolina.  I'm taking the jet, see you there.

Utah
— New laws make any daily drink specials illegal, essentially banning happy hour.


Remember Germany or Florida?  Try again, Utah.  Being a wino in Utah has to be quite an accomplishment.  And Salt Lake City wins for being in two posts in a row.

Rabble-B

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Shiver Me Timbers

The gayest city in the US?  Mine, right?  Or really, the 24/7 gay-a-thon as people like to envision it, fifteen minutes down the road from me, San Francicso.  If this was a geography quiz you'd be warmish but... 

Salt Lake City. 

Yeah, the one in Utah.  No joke, and this is according to The Advocate, a nationally recognized gay and lesbian publication.

Read the article for yourself.  http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/10/10097194-gayest-us-town-surprise-its-salt-lake-city

Rabble?-B

God vs. The Rapist

Remember the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skit when Sean Connery asks for the category "The Rapists" and Alex Trebek corrects him with the correct title, "Therapists"?  Though Celebrity Jeopardy might be the best SNL skits of all time, rape isn't funny.  Which brings me to Ben "giant piece of shit rapist that never did any time because he's a rich football player" Rothelisberger, quarterback for the Steelers.  And on the opposite end of the spectrum Tim "did I tell you I'm Christian yet today" Tebow and a wildcard playoff game that took place last Sunday. 

Now, I'm not sure how Timmy reconciles working on the Lord's Day but I'm sure glad he does.  Tebow has a lot of detractors and plenty of fans too with the meteoric rise of Tebow Nation.  I think it's great Tim Tebow is Christian, and frankly all the people ripping him up for that are just a bunch of jackasses that think they're better than religion or spirituality but really project a more "holier than thou" attitude than Tebow or most religious folks I know.  But, for the record, "Yeah, Tim, we get it, just go win some more games now please." 

Anyway, the point of this rabble is go Broncos, go Tebow and go God!  Because any possible reason Ben and the Steelers can be defeated, preferably with Ben getting carted off the field with a broken pelvis, is A-okay with me.  Suck it Ben, God loves everyone, but he isn't fond of unrepentant (I know you apologized and settled out of court but we're not buying that shit) rapists so yeah, don't look forward to many more NFL championships in the future.  Just watch out for the D-line son!

Next weeks headline God vs. Cheaters and Douches, when Timmy and the Broncos take on the Patriots.  Here's advice for you guys in the red, white and blue.  Belichick, one of the ten commandments says not to bear false witness, and cheating, like taping your opponents practices to get an edge is lying.  Watch out brossif.  And sir Brady, I'm pretty sure there's a rule somewhere in the Bible or Koran or Bagavad Gitas about not being a stupid douche.  So yeah, wear some extra helmet padding and be careful of lightning seeing as you're playing outside.  Rabble-B

Friday, January 6, 2012

Awh-some!

No more politicians, NH eatery owner says

A New Hampshire restaurant owner says he is so fed up with the flurry of GOP presidential candidates at his Portsmouth eatery that he put up his own 2012 slogan: "No Politicians, No Exceptions."
For months, politicians, their staff and news media have stormed New Hampshire restaurants during the campaign for the White House.
Seeing no sign of easing until the Jan. 10 presidential primary, Jeremy Colby, owner of Colby's Breakfast & Lunch, said he had to do something to end the circus inside his small business located near the Massachusetts border.
“There is no forewarning and all of a sudden they come in and we are overrun by cameras and blah, blah and blah,” Colby told msnbc.com. “We’re trying to run a business here and this whole meet-and-greet and vote for me deal is very distractive and disruptive, not only to our staff but to our customers.
"It’s hard and I find it very rude," he said.Visits from Texas Governor Rick Perry and former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann sealed the deal to slap the sign on the door, he said.“We just had had enough.”

Thursday, January 5, 2012

It's been 16 minutes...

Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
Barbie, the ultimate career gal who loves to dress up, is teaming up with three new like-minded friends: Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian!
A source tells the new Us Weekly, on stands Friday, that the reality stars will be immortalized as Barbie's pals in an upcoming limited-edition doll line. "The dolls will reflect the girls' measurements and may even come in Kardashian-designed outfits," says a source.

I found the preceding piece on MSN today.  I'm starting to believe the Mayan calendar.  Only in the end times could the Kardashians become Barbie dolls.  When people, when the fuck are we going to stop caring about these people that have no talent, no intelligence and do not positively contribute to society?  They are the epitome of absurdity.  You know why the Kardashians are famous?  Nope, it has nothing to do with their plastic dad, who really could be a Ken doll, Bruce Jenner.  It's because Kim made a sex tape that found it's way to the internet.  By that measure thousands more undeserving people should be famous.  Thank God they're not, yet...  Rabble-B

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

New Year Blah, Blah, Gitmo

So I had a pretty rad 2011 and unlike most (it seems like everyone has a shitty year every year and hope the next will be way more radtastical but they don't ever do anything to change to actively and positively change their lives and  instead start each new year passed out on dingy apartment carpeting with vomit and pizza stuck to their face) was not trying to boot it off the ship in favor of this shiny new car smell 2012.  But, so be it, new car smell and all, what's up 2012?!

And since I've been chained up in a dungeon of long, brown hair, and estrogen for most of the last week I finally got to peep some news today and what should I find but:

Obama to name new consumer watchdog


Haraz N. Ghanbari / AP



Richard Cordray talks with reporters after stepping off Air Force One at Cleveland Hopkins Airport in Cleveland, Ohio, Wednesday, Jan. 4, 2012. In a defiant display of executive power, President Barack Obama on Wednesday will buck GOP opposition and name Cordray as the nation's chief consumer watchdog. Outraged Republican leaders in Congress suggested that courts would determine the appointment was illegal. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)

Well hot damn!  For all you folks who didn't think Obama was Jesus here ya go.  Stickin' it to the big banks and the republicans.  Except, if the president had any balls it would've been his original choice, Elizabeth Warren, instead of some brosty from Ohio I've never heard of and it would've been handled a couple years ago.  But, hey, sounds like the republicans and Wall Street are scared of this guy so yee ha!  Good going.
 
But then, longing to bask in the glory of 2011 I rewound my news coverage and found this:
 

Close Obama Says Bill Breaks With Our Values, Signs It Anyway

By Conor Friedersdorf  (The Atlantic)

Though he pledges not to take them himself, why is the president empowering his successors to take actions that he admits are un-American?


For many liberals, the ACLU fulfills a role akin to a canary in a coal mine: it's beyond the capacity of the average citizen to monitor every piece of legislation that might impact civil liberties, but when the organization starts freaking out it's taken as a credible signal that our rights are in peril. As America turned its calendars from 2011 to 2012, we witnessed that kind of moment. "President Obama's action today is a blight on his legacy because he will forever be known as the president who signed indefinite detention without charge or trial into law," said Anthony D. Romero, the ACLU's executive director. "The statute is particularly dangerous because it has no temporal or geographic limitations, and can be used by this and future presidents to militarily detain people captured far from any battlefield." Warnings are seldom so dire.


And from the Washington Post:

“I have signed this bill despite having serious reservations with certain provisions that regulate the detention, interrogation, and prosecution of suspected terrorists,” Obama said. “I want to clarify that my Administration will not authorize the indefinite military detention without trial of American citizens. Indeed, I believe that doing so would break with our most important traditions and values as a Nation.”


On New Years Eve (you couldn't have waited one more day?) Obama signs a defense bill, he previously threatened to veto, that allows the military to indefinitely incarcerate American citizens suspected of terrorism without trial.  After he signs it he says it breaks with our core values as a nation and that his administration won't do it (phew, crisis over).  So besides taking a giant shit on the end of my awesome 2011, the spineless, run of the mill, liar caving to money and power politician, president Obama obliterates American civil rights, not to mention human rights, and then admits it?  I'm truly stunned.  Isn't that terrorism?  Does this mean we can hold congress and the president at Guantanamo and elect a whole, fresh government?  That could work.  Rabble-B