Just a Tuesday walking to work

Just a hollowed out half a watermelon full of needles.  Just a Tuesday.  Walking to work.  Rabble-B

The Volcano is your colon

So I just learned about this thing from Taco Bell called the Volcano Box, pictured here:

I love greasy food but I just about shit my pants just looking at the photo.  It includes a Volcano Taco, Volcano Double Beef Burrito, a Crunchy Beef Burrito, Cinnamon Twists and a giant drink.  My question is why doesn't it include a whole roll of three-ply toilet paper?

And if that's just not enough volcano for you, you can add Lava Sauce to it.  That's right, Lava Sauce.  No, I'm not talking about what leaks out of your anus after eating a Volcano Box.  It's a spicy cheese sauce you can add to anything on the Taco Bell menu.  Or, at least used to.  Apparently from my three seconds of research on the internet, Lava Sauce is no longer available.  Though there is a Facebook page dedicated to bringing it back.

This needs to go into worst food idea hall of fame along with the KFC Double Down and brussels sprouts.  Rabble-B

TEDxPortland

Watch this and you'll want to be a better human:

http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/A-Perfect-Life-Love-Frank-Moore-

Unrabble-B

(Ya, I know it's been a million years.  Being an adult sucks.  Doing adult things and having responsibilities, obligations you don't care for, being worn down at work, tired and grumpy.  Often the last thing I want to do is sit in front of a computer and type.  Adult things (except beer) can piss off.  I want to have fun and rabble a lot.  Here's to rabbling.)

Small Victories

Much as has occurred in the world since the last rabble: Ukraine, more Syria, more Boko Haram murders, Kansas passed an anti gay Jim Crow law, Arizona almost did too, a disappearing jetliner, the snake preacher got bit and died, the Oscars... And the most newsworthy thing of all is today I ran over a vile, disease ridden pestilence with wings, or a pigeon as they're commonly known. Score one for everything good in the world. Unrabble-B

Zombie Apocolypse? Nope, just Florida

Sing it with me, Down in Florida, where the days are warm and you might be murdered for no reason, but only if your black but some people don't discriminate, they'll just bite your face off.  I'm working on a chorus.  The Florida tourism bureau needs to changed their slogan to, "Beautiful Beaches and biting behemoths, Fun for the whole fam-damily, only in FLORIDA!"

I like the last paragraph, where the cops claim they can't tell if it was the three gunshots that killed him or something else.  50 Cent survived more than that right?  Sure.  And the last line,

"He's obviously on some type of narcotics to make him act like this." 

No shit?  Great detective work guys!  Because the only other explanation for face biting would be Zombie apocalypse.  Actually, it's Florida, that's explanation enough.  Rabble-B

Naked Man Shot to Death After Eating Teen's Face, Assaulting Cop

Expand

A naked man with "superhuman strength" was shot to death Tuesday night after assaulting a former police officer and biting part of a teenager's face off.

According to Palm Beach County Sheriff Ric Bradshaw, the naked man was walking down a road near Delray Beach, Florida when, for reasons that remain unclear, he attacked a 66-year-old former NYPD officer. The retired cop was rushed to the hospital with serious injuries.

Meanwhile, the naked man continued up the road, where he encountered and chased a man walking with his 10-year-old son. Later, the naked man attacked an 18-year-old man, biting his face until the teen stabbed the man with a box cutter or knife. By that time, police officers had arrived on the scene and attempted to Taser the nude man.

"He's obviously delirious on something," Palm Beach County Sheriff Ric Bradshaw told the Palm Beach Post. "He is a huge guy. He takes a fighting stance. They're trying to get him on the ground. He starts charging them. The Taser did not affect him."

A deputy then shot the man three times, once in the torso and twice in the lower body. The man died later that night at a nearby hospital.

"We don't know right now if he's expired from the gunshots, or if he's expired because of obviously he's on some type of drugs that have made him act like this," Bradshaw said. "There's no way to know if those are the shots that actually killed him, or if he's died from what they called exited delirium. He's obviously on some type of narcotics to make him act like this."

From Russia with Love

The Russian deputy Prime minister Dimitry Kozak recently commented on gays at the Sochi Olympics.  He reminded everyone they have nothing to worry about saying, "We are all grownups, and any adult has his or her right to understand their sexual activity. Please do not touch kids. That’s the only thing."

Wait, so gay is a synonym for pedophile?  So Freddy Mercury = Jerry Sandusky?  Ok, got it... you shit for brains, ignorant asshole!  Check out this trailer for the documentary Hunted and wonder why we aren't boycotting the Olympics?  Rabble-B

Forty eight is not my age

Then there's this story:

Issaquah changes name to 12SAQUAH

Credit: KING 5

A vintage trolley that provides a link between downtown Issaquah and the Gilman Village area

by KING 5 News

Posted on January 31, 2014 at 2:16 PM

• Mount Rainier becomes Mount Seattle Seahawks

For one day, Issaquah will be "12SAQUAH." That day, of course, is Super Bowl Sunday.
The city's mayor, Fred Butler, issued the proclamation at City Hall on Friday morning.
"We are the 12s, and we could not be more proud of our Seahawks," Butler said. "I know I speak for our entire community when I say, I'm in."

I worked in Issaquah for ten years and it's also my wife's home town.  I've never heard of 12saquah.  That's not even a word.  Notice the headline about Mount Rainier... 

Ok, look Puget Sound, your team is really good, crazy good and they might even win the Super Bowl (Lord knows the entire rest of the country doesn't want them too, just like 2005), but chill out a little bit.  Weed is legal, go smoke a j. 

Despite my affinity for the 49ers that goes back to my childhood watching Joe Montana and Jerry Rice that is reinforced by where I now live and my constant head scratching at the insane rivalry that has developed in only the last three years, I like the Seahawks.  I've always liked the Seahawks.  How long have you been a Seahawks fan?  Who has watched Dave Krieg throw a TD to Steve Largent?  Jim Zorn?  Cortez Kennedy?  How many of you were Seahawks fans in 2005 when the refs stole the Superbowl from Seattle and gave it to Pittsburgh?  Do you remember who coached Seattle that year?  I remember all of this.  But guess what?  I'm not renaming my cat Golden Tate.  I'm not spending thousands of dollars to go see the game and I'm not donning a children's Thundercats costume, painting it green and calling myself Beastmode.  Why?  Because I'm not a lunatic. 

So, Puget Sound just take a deep breath, grab a beer and a slice of pizza and root for the Seahawks.  That's what I'm gonna do.  Enjoy the game.  Just don't go into a black hole of depression if they choke in the clutch, just remember that's what all Seattle sports teams do.  It comes natural.  Let's see if they can buck the trend.  Rabble-B

me tahk good

So apparently, unknown to me, I was drunk last night when I wrote that last post.  Any editing skills I thought I possessed were left unused in the mentally challenged goo that is my brain.  My commentary should have read:

What I want to know is where she got the feces?  Did she use her own shit or squeeze it out of a rat?  Did she pay a hobo?  The cat box?

The best line is, "a trace amount of a brown substance also was found in the needle of an otherwise empty syringe found in Vogel's purse, police said."  She put the shit in her purse?!  What?!  Arizona is giving Florida a run for its money as them most bizarre state.  I'm going to ralph.  Rabble-B

Rabble-B

Death by Turd

What I want to know is where she go the feces?  Did she sue her own shit or squeeze it out of a rat?  Did she pay a hobo?  The cat box? 

The best line is, "a trace amount of a brown substance also was found in the needle of an otherwise empty syringe found in Vogel's purse, police said."  She put the shit in her purse?!  What?!  Arizona is giving Florida a run for its money as most bizarre state.  I going to ralph.  Rabble-B

Police: Woman put fecal matter in husband's IV

Updated 3:51 pm, Friday, January 31, 2014

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CHANDLER, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona woman has been accused of trying to kill her hospitalized husband by injecting fecal matter into his IV line, police in suburban Phoenix said Friday.Rose Mary Vogel of Sun Lakes was arrested Thursday on suspicion of attempted first-degree murder after a nurse found the 65-year-old handling her husband's IV line, which was found to contain a brown substance, police said. Police don't have a possible motive.
A hospital lab test identified the brown substance in the IV line as fecal matter, and a trace amount of a brown substance also was found in the needle of an otherwise empty syringe found in Vogel's purse, police said.
When it was searched in the hospital, Vogel's purse contained a total of three syringes, including two with a clear liquid, police said. Police documents said Vogel is a retired registered nurse who formerly worked at the hospital, Chandler Regional Medical Center.
Investigators plan to conduct forensic tests on all the materials involved over the next week or two, police Sgt. Joe Favazzo said However, the hospital had to test the brown substance in the IV line immediately for treatment purposes.
"The lab came back with fecal matter," he said.
The incident occurred after the 66-year-old man had undergone a heart procedure. He's expected to survive that, as well as the alleged attempt on his life.
Vogel declined to be interviewed by police and asked for an attorney. Favazzo said he didn't know whether she has one yet. Her bond was set at $100,000 at her initial court appearance Friday.

It's Gortex, Jerry!

This is the best thing to happen to television since Seinfeld.  And Larry David is involved, I can't wait!  I hope Michael Richards doesn't say a bunch of weird, racist shit.  Unrabble-B

Jerry Seinfeld clears up 'Seinfeld' reunion reports

Jan. 30, 2014, 5:28 PM EST

WENN

Comic Jerry Seinfeld has confirmed plans to reunite his former "Seinfeld" co-stars for a "special project."

The star sparked rumors of a much-anticipate get together earlier this month when he was spotted shooting a Super Bowl commercial with Jason Alexander and Larry David at New York City's Tom's Restaurant, which doubled as the diner from the hit show.

Seinfeld refused to offer an explanation for the reunion, prompting many to speculate the trio was filming a Super Bowl ad.

The comedian revealed on WFAN radio's "Boomer & Carton" show Thursday that there will be no commercial. "It's a secret project," he said. But he confesses the "Seinfeld cast" will be back for the "one-and-done" project, adding it will be out "very, very soon."

My Favorite Headline from Today

This is priceless.  

How did Vince Young burn through $25M?

The former NFL star filed for bankruptcy last week, & reports suggest lavish trips to the Cheesecake Factory & TGI Fridays are partly to blame.

Rabble-B

Christmas in July

The high's have topped 70 degrees at my house for a week now.  I don't live in San Diego, I live in the Bay Area, where it's supposed to be cold and rain sometimes.  While the east is buried in snow and negative temps we are wilting out here. 

The Sierra's have 17% snowpack after the driest December in memory, which has continued in January, it's in the 50's at the ski resorts, rivers are mere trickles and closed to fishing and the governor declared a drought emergency. 

For all those that continue to deny climate change, come on down to the Bay Area and get a sunburn while you shank an old guy for the last gallon of water at Safeway, because that's where we're going.  Rabbletown California USA-B

Twinsies!

Today I saw a guy with not one, but two, as in twin!, seahorse tattoos on his cheeks.  Similar to this:

except two, and on his face.  That is commitment.  Well, commitment to hard drugs anyway, which he appeared to be on at the time. 

I also found this on Google images:

The more I stare at it the more creeped out I get.  Rabble-B

I gotta go with Florida

Germany or  Florida,

No bail for the Florida movie theater shooter?  Really?!  The guy was just standing his ground ya know.  That guy texting presented a threat, his wife too, and the shooter had to take action.  What else was he supposed to do?  Go get an usher and have them escorted out?  Not likely.  That's why this guy took it upon himself to save the lives of everyone in that theater and murder the guy texting during the movie, a totally appropriate action.

Ok, hopefully you have an ironic bone in your body and don't run off to call the PC police. 

But seriously, this murderer guy shoots and kills another guy who, yes is acting rudely by texting during a movie, but not at all engaging anyone in a threatening way that warrants murder and the shooter is a horrible villain?  Yes, I think that's an insane reaction but, hey Florida (and America), lets rewind about a year.  Does this not sound anything like some kid walking home from the convenience store that somehow winds up dead?  Only in Florida.  Rabble-B

Dude, I got soooo high bro... Uh huh, huh...

I laughed at every sentence in this entire article, the whole way through.  You can't make this up!

The very best part of the story are the first two lines.  Not that it goes down hill but it just explodes out of the gate with sheer incredulity.  Just from those two sentences Andy Nesbitt, I can tell you have never lived on the West Coast, or in Colorado or ever visited the Caribbean or much of Europe or read the news in the last decade.  In fact, have you been outside?  At all? In the last ten years...  I know you haven't been cooped up inside playing the latest edition of Call of Duty on Xbox because then you'd know what that weird smoke near you was.  And I mean it's your buddy passed out on the couch with a dragon shaped bong between his legs and a mouthful of half chewed Cheetos (crunchy not puffy).  So Andy Nesbitt, what have you been up to?

Boomer Esiason once got high during 'Monday Night Football' broadcast

Andy Nesbitt

FOX Sports

JAN 11, 2014 4:02p ET

Brad Penner / USA TODAY Sports

Have you ever been at a game or a concert and smelled some weird smoke near you?
We're talking about, marijuana, of course.
Well, that happened to Boomer Esiason back in 2000 when he was calling a "Monday Night Football" game on the radio with Matt Millen. And apparently it was some pretty potent stuff because Esiason said he got high from it . . . during the broadcast.
The former QB and current broadcaster told the story Friday during his New York radio show "Boomer and Carlton" on WFAN. You're going to enjoy this tale:

"Now here's the deal. What you're saying, for some listeners or some viewers now that are listening to us for the first time, what you're saying is accurate. I did get high. I did. I didn't realize I was getting high when I got high, but I got high — and I have to tell you that it was one of the best broadcasts I've ever had."

Love the honesty. Let's hear more from Boomer:

". . . The radio booth is like a lean-to in the middle of the stands. And it's a (December) game. It's the Chiefs at the Patriots, both teams have major losing records, it's raining outside, it's cold, there might be about 40,000 people in the stadium, it is awful. And there's this grim reaper outside of our booth, and he's got a hoodie on and he's got a big ol' puffy jacket on, and he's smoking weed. And he's blowing it into the lean-to."

Please, go on, Boomer . . .

"I mean, we're 3 minutes into the game and Matt Millen's already looking for something to eat. And Howard David is trying to keep us focused on the game, and Matt Millen and I are talking about everything but the game.
"We have the second-hand smoke going on. Now, we obviously know what's happening, but we don't necessarily know that we're reacting to what's happening. ... I was laughing my a-- off for the entire first half!"

And we're laughing now, too. Thanks for sharing that wonderful story, Boomer.

Embarrassed often?

Here's the Michael Bay video back up from Youtube.  The link I posted the other day was taken down and the account terminated. 

I blame Michael Bay, I'm guessing he's acting like a baby/egomaniac and trying to snuff out all clips of him making an ass of himself on stage.  Rabble-B

Me-Ouch!

Everyday I walk to work I am reminded why not to do drugs.  It's really a bad idea.  I'm not talking about smoking a spliff or whatever, I'm talking about meth and heroin and bottom of the barrel shit like huffing glue.  I walk by people everyday that are at rock fucking bottom.  And it's terrifying. 

And then I read this, and it blew away everything I see everyday.  What the hell even is meow meow?  Total bizzaro world.  This is some Germany or Florida kind of stuff.  Even though it's Britain. 

"Don't do drugs, stab your mom and cut off your penis."  Words to live by!  And maybe don't be British too.  Just sayin'...  Rabble-B

Student high on meow meow cuts off his own penis after ‘stabbing mother’

Thursday 9 Jan 2014 1:07 pm

A student reportedly took meow meow before cutting off his penis (Picture: File)

A spaced-out university student high on the party drug meow meow reportedly cut off his own penis with a knife after allegedly stabbing his mother.
The 19-year-old was back at his family home in Haywards Heath, West Sussex, for Christmas when he ‘flipped out’, according to a family friend.
He is believed to have taken mephedrone, a drug made illegal in the UK in 2010, shortly before the alleged incident in the early hours of December 29.
Police found him hanging out of a bedroom window covered in blood after his terrified mother called 999, according to the Mirror. Both were taken to hospital with life-threatening injuries.
Surgeons are believed to have successfully reattached the unidentified man’s penis, while his mother’s condition has been described as stable.
‘He is normally a lovely lad and very bright. But unfortunately, he had started dabbling in drugs,’ explained a family friend.
‘He had come home from university for Christmas. It looks like he took mephedrone and completely flipped out attacking his mum and then himself.’
Sussex Police, who are investigating an allegation of assault on the mother, said: ‘At this stage we are not looking for anyone else in connection with this incident.’

Hollywood is a place...

...where you can wing it.  Ha!  Michael Bay can't even explain how he makes movies without a teleprompter?  All his mental powers must be used up trying to think of the next visually hyperbolic, yet pedestrian, piece of shit film he'll try to sell to the public.  Watch the self destruction.  Rabble-B

Why Does the Bad Man Hate 'Merca Mommy?

Lets get this year started off with a story I found yesterday in the long lost year of 2013.  I sure hope we all get a little smarter as a country this year because this article highlights some of the dumbest words ever to fall out of an American mouth, granted they probably don't have enough teeth to keep those words in but...  It also highlights one reason why Facebook is garbage, providing a platform for any slack jawed yahoo with an internet connection and at least one finger that hasn't yet accidentally seen the business end of a chainsaw, to say stupid shit for the whole world to read.  Maybe even better, I thought Toby Keith was a gun toting, War in Iraq, reactionary from my cold dead hands asshole.  Maybe I'm wrong?  No, I'm not, his restaurant is called, "I Love This Bar & Grill", but this just proves that most of us want to be able to eat a steak in peace.  Amen.  Rabble-B

Toby Keith under fire for no guns policy at his restaurant chain

Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill Virgina location won't allow firearms

WENN

Gun-toting fans of singer Toby Keith's fans in Virginia are taking aim at the country star over a no-weapons policy at a restaurant he owns in the state.

The "Beer For My Horses" hitmaker's Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill has a 'No guns permitted' sign posted on the front door, even though state law permits firearms owners to carry weapons in dining establishments, and his stance has upset many potential patrons, who have taken to various social media sites to express their anger over the policy.

One Facebook user wrote, "Exactly when did fans of Toby Keith become dumb enough to think a No Guns allowed sign posted by management would protect them from criminals that don't obey the law to start with? Loved the concerts, but none of my money will ever be spent where I can't defend myself." Another fan added, "No guns allowed? Why does he hate America so much?"

Keith has responded to the controversy in a post on the restaurant's Facebook.com page, writing, "While we understand and respect every person's right to own and bear arms, we at Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill, with guidance from the State of Virginia and based on insurance regulations, have adopted a no weapons policy. It is our desire to provide a safe, enjoyable and entertaining experience for our patrons and staff."

However, not every person is upset about the rule and some have even applauded Keith for his stance, writing, "Hooray for you!!! I'm a Gun Owning (sic) advocate but booze and guns don't mix well so THANK YOU for providing a fun, safe environment."