Cherry Pie

Some observations about Twin Peaks...

• First, Hawk is the raddest-ass character in a TV series, ever.  Don't agree?  I don't care, Hawk will throw a machete at you.  
• I'm pretty sure Donna's hair gets exponentially larger throughout the two seasons of the show, which is especially weird because the first like 18 episodes are supposed to take place in about a two week time frame.   
•  When do these kids go to school?  Despite a small handful of scenes that take place at school and mostly have to do with a 35 year old woman who thinks she's a teenager, these kids are always out of school.  It's not summer break.  So do they just skip class all the time and no one cares?  I mean, I'm pretty sure Bobby and Shelly have dropped out but what the hell?
• I can't think of a character from any other television show more annoying than Josie Packard.  She makes Steve Urkel look sympathetic.  And what makes her even worse is Joann Chen is a terrible actress.  
• Where is the White Lodge and is it made of candy?
• If the owls are not what they seem than what the fuck are they?  I think they fly Bob around from person to person.
• I love the giant., he's so friendly and helpful.
• At what time in 1980's Washington was it legal for teenagers to drink in a bar?  I've been to North Bend, they card.
• Lastly, why the hell did it get canceled after only two seasons?  It is honestly one of the most entertaining shows ever written.  Bizarre?  Yes, it's David Lynch, but it makes Lost look predictable and easy to follow.  Rabble over.  Rabble-B

Your Shoes Suck

So apparently yesterday just in time for last minute Christmas chaos, Nike reissued a new limited edition version of the original Air Jordans based on the 1995 shoe.  I had a pair of those when I was five and I must have done a lot of chores or whining to get my mom to buy me a pair because they weren't cheap.  But, they were freakin' sweet.  Even though I still sucked at basketball I loved them and I'll never forget how excited every kid I knew was about them. 

So funny enough when about ten days ago I see a big scary looking dude rollin' down the sidewalk wearing a pair of the original, white Air Jordans in excellent condition.  I really wanted to stop him and take a picture but like I was a little wary of him, not to mention the fact he was wearing a shirt that said, "Your Shoes Suck!" with a picture of a guy flipping the bird.  Yeah, right?!  I'm pretty sure those are the only shoes you can sport when you are wearing a shirt like that and I wouldn't want to see those shoes without that shirt either.  So I assume brossif just has a closet full of them from back in the day.  And we'll probably never know because it'll be difficult to discern from all the other idiots wearing fake Air Jordans now, but maybe if we look for the t-shirt.  be on the look out folks.  Unrabble-B

Hack Job

Ok, maybe I jumped the gun a minute on the whole middle class tax cut extension thing.  Seeing as the Senate passed the bill (albeit only for 2 f-ing months), they did it 89-10.  That's a pretty overwhelming majority.  I imagine a few of those 'no' votes were senators cranky after being awakened from a nap in their chair and slapping the 'no' button out of spite without having any idea what for.  Anyway, the House, big bunch of whiny bitches that they are, can't seem to agree on anything.  And bless the little hearts of the republicans, some of them are fighting for a much longer extension (among other crap), which I fully agree with for the middle class anyway.  The problem for them is, and it's just great, they're making Obama and the democrats look like the ones pushing against the republicans for a tax cut.  The Wall Street Journal pointed this out and I almost peed myself laughing and leads me to my next paragraph...

Ahem.  Stupid republican morons, you're just making yourself look like big government tax hounds.  And your fickle constituents are gonna fry you for it.  Even better, Obama would actually politically benefit from letting the tax cuts expire at this point, after he fought and proposed a bill to extend them, again making you republican r-tards look like the r-tards you actually are.  Brilliant.  Except Obama maybe still has a little too much idealism to act like that.  Or, maybe not, but he seems to be fighting for the common man, the middle class here, and you fuck up conservative folks are about to toss yourself into the at home deep fryer (thanksgiving turkey style) you set up in your living room so boiling oil will splash everywhere, catch fire and burn your house to the ground leaving you without anywhere to spend the holidays but in a government run shelter, open on Christmas day thanks to tax dollars and big hearted volunteers, snacking on a turkey leg deep fried in the same fryer as yours but prepared in a safe, smart way, outside (with no paper plates, tablecloths or trees around).  Karma's a bitch.  Best be good or Santa will put a dradle in your stocking.  Rabble-B

Way to breathe, no breath

If I had a super power I would choose adhesive breath.  Think about it.  Totally badass.  Unrabble-B

Metal Stroller Kitty

So my favorite thing about San Francisco, aside from Giordano Bros. where they put fries on your sandwich (and you have to forgive them because it's a Pittsburgh oriented joint, which isn't an issue except for the Steelers, the most vile football team in history captained by captain douche, Ben "rape isn't a big deal when you're rich" Rothelisberger.  But I digress...), is Metal Stroller Kitty.  It's a dude who's obviously crazy and homeless, pushing a stroller (okay...) with a boombox strapped to it blaring metal.  And not like Twisted Sister or something, "oh yeah, they're heavy metal and shit."  What?!  No like real metal, Cannibal Corpse style, or Mayhem or whatever legit metal band you like, all with a crazed kitty leashed to the stroller with a spike collar.  Most likely the kitty is perched on the edge of the stroller too, trying to figure out whose throat he wants to slice up next.  Yeah, that's Metal Stroller Kitty.  Check yourself!  Unrabble-B

Stay of Execution

Yaaayyyyaaayyyy (arms flailing wildly like Kermit the Frog)!!!  Someone in congress read my rabble because they passed the payroll tax cut extension by an 89-10 vote.  Wow, congress really is thinking about the middle class and working America.  Oh, haha, wait, they only extended it for two months.  Two months?!  What the fuck is wrong with you people?!  Two months?  Wow, I can't wait to figure out how I'm gonna spend my extra $16.  I could a CD, if only people other than me listened to physical media any more.

Anyway, good going congress, you passed the tax cut extension so you can go home for the holidays with a clear conscience knowing that you're working hard for the people.  Really?  You're just gonna have to deal with this shit all over again in what will feel like tomorrow.  You are the worst bunch of indecisive procrastinators I've ever heard of!  Geez!  Rabble-B

Taxman is not a Beatles song

So the national payroll tax cut is set to expire (or has what's euphemistically called a sunset clause) at the end of the year.  And, as you would suspect, congress doesn't have any immediate plans to address that.  Of course liberals want to tax the shit out of everybody, despite their claims of caring for the common man, and conservatives don't want anyone to pay taxes, especially rich folks.  Now that we're all in agreement I'll tell you I'm all for taxes, in moderation, when they're used for the benefit of society.  Economists however, have warned us against letting this tax cut expire at such a sensitive time in the middle of our slow recovery.  This affects middle class families, the backbone of America, and all the hyperbolic names and phrases that go along with the words "middle class".

Now, Obama has proposed, as a part of a bigger plan, to cut the payroll tax further than it's already cut from 4.2% to 3.1% otherwise it will jump back to 6.2%.  It's estimated that would put $180 billion into consumer pockets, to spend and support the economy.  I'll be the first to say that the Obama tenure is disappointing thus far.  I mean, yeah it's pretty rad he finally got Bin Laden (suck it Bush) but Guantanamo is still open, a severe lack of leadership for environmental protection, and pathetic, watered down (in fact I can't even taste the alcohol it in) healthcare and Wall Street reforms all point to a lackluster, albeit better than the alternative, presidency.  Oh, yeah, and the decade long Iraq war is officially over now...  Yeah, sure.  BUT, cheers to Obama for proposing a plan that supports and realizes the value of the middle class to the economy and the country.

Now, what's the problem?  Oh, wait, it's the whole point of this rabble, CONGRESS!  Both parties constantly talk about "middle class tax cuts", so lets see them prove that they're not completely full of shit for once and extend this tax cut and maybe even adopt the Obama plan.  It's not hard, they only work like six months a year for fuck's sake!  Well, lets be real though, all any of the five hundred some odd members of congress are thinking about is elections and how much money they can snag from lobbyists so lets not count on it.  Rabble-B

My new favorite beer

Mustang beer from Nepal.  It's like beer flavor crystals conspiring with your taste buds to trick you into getting accidentally wasted just because it's so tasty you want to keep drinking it.  I'm not sure where it's available, it's definitely not widely distributed.  I had one at an Indian restaurant in Berkeley.  Luckily it wasn't distributed in six pack form so I managed to avoid the previously mentioned scenario.  Find it in your 'hood, and if you can't, demand your local watering hole start carrying it or you'll start picketing.  It'll be worth the potential jail time and/or inevitable homelessness that follows not having a job because you're picketing all day instead of working.  Trade off's, great beer or a roof.  I know what I'm choosing.  Unrabble-B

Pot o' Gold

Every time I eat Lucky Charms I wish there were more marshmallows but I'm pretty sure if they made a cereal that was just marshmallows it would be gross.  Rabble-B

If this happened in any other state...

I would actually be surprised.  We'll give the Utah incident a pass but if you told me this story I would instantly guess Florida.  Unless it involved Dick Cheney, then all bets are off.  Rabble-B

Another dog shoots hunter, this time in Florida

By msnbc.com staff

It's happened again: A hunting dog has shot its master.
This time, a man in Florida was hit in the thigh by a round from his Remington .308 on Saturday, TBO.com reported.

The culprit was a bulldog named Eli. Authorities told TBO.com that Billy E. Brown, 78, was driving to go deer hunting with a friend on a bumpy road in Pasco County near Tampa when Eli "got excited in the truck" and bumped the rifle. The gun discharged, the bullet hit Brown in the right thigh, and he was taken to St. Joseph's Hospital in Tampa, said Officer George Wells, spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Brown's condition was not released.
Wells said Brown and the friend were about one-and-a-half miles into the woods when the accident -- if you're buying that the dog didn't mean to do that -- occurred.
The name of Brown's friend was not released. The two have been hunting together for more than 25 years, Wells told TBO.com.
This incident follows one Dec. 1 in which a hunter in Utah was hit in the buttocks by birdshot after his dog stepped on a shotgun laid across the bow of a boat. The Salt Lake City Tribune said the wounded hunter had 27 pellets removed from ... well, you know.

Mine doesn't chomp anymore...

Was Hungry, Hungry Hipppos not the raddest board game ever?  Or is it just that I'm a child of the 80's (and 90's too really but Zach and the rest of the Saved by the Bell crew will have to wait their turn)?  At least it was the best game ever until you invariably broke the tail, a.k.a.-hippo chomping leaver, stemming from too intense of gaming action.  Just sayin'.  Unrabble-B

High Beam

What the hell is the deal with high beams in California?  I'm pretty sure like 40% of the drivers in Cali roll around with their brights on.  When did that become an acceptable thing?  Are people just that arrogant and dickish down here or just that oblivious to their surroundings?  It's gotta stop people, you're giving me a migraine.  Rabble-B

Also...

it's Pearl Harbor Day.  Show respect.  Unrabbe-B

Think you're a Badass?

Still want to be an Alaskan Fishing Guide?  Rabble-B

Kermit Was an Alcoholic and Beat Miss Piggy Too

Fox news is the most entertaining thing I have ever seen.  I don't get why people protest them, they are hilarious.  We should be encouraging them, salivating over what outlandish, baseless report, sorry op-ed piece, they'll conjure up next. 

This time it's The Muppets.  If you haven't seen the new movie, you should, it's great.  The long and short of it is the Muppet studio is being taken over by an evil, oil baron named "Tex Richman" and the Muppets have to produce a telethon to save the studio.  Gut-busting antics ensue.  There's nothing else to it.  Laugh, cry, whatever and then watch this piece from Fox News.  It's probably a better watch than the movie itself. 

The Muppets are Communist?!  brainwashing our kids?!  And at the end the lady starts talking about the seven deadly sins?!  Ahhhahaaahhhaahhhahaaaaahahahaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How do you convey laughing, choking and tearing up and utter disbelief in words.  Sorry I can't do my reaction justice.  You know, to be fair, considering The Muppets were behind every US presidential assassination, I suppose they're a pretty politically oriented group.  Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure the state department classifies them as a terrorist organization too.    

Just watch, it's worth the whole 7 minutes.  Rabble-B

I Hear Banjo Music

I can't believe this kind of shit still exists.  I mean, an interracial couple?  Yuck!  Ok, really though, I know it's Kentucky, but how fucking ignorant do you have to be to publicly (or privately for that matter) against interracial relationships?  And not just one person but nine members out of fifteen members?  It's a serious question.  I'm pretty sure that makes you too stupid to drive for one.  Driver's license, revoked!  You shouldn't be a parent anymore or be allowed to have kids if you're going to raise them in such a prejudiced manner.  Kids, foster home!  No kids yet, vasectomy!  And you get a free lifetime supply of adult diapers because if you're so stupid to believe interracial couple are wrong then you're probably not smart enough to find a restroom when you have to take a piss. 

And what's better, the guy in the article says he's not racist.  Which leaves me to ask the question:  HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU NOT RACIST?!

And lastly people, you run a church.  Churches are supposed to welcome everyone, no matter what wrong (or not wrong at all) with them.  A church is a place for a community to come together in a safe and supportive environment not for judgment.  Leave that to God you morons. 

Next thing you know we'll have a black president.  Oh, wait...  Sorry to burst your bubble boys.  Rabble-B

Small Ky. church votes against interracial couples

AP

Stella Harville and her fiancé, Ticha Chikuni are seen in Richmond, Ky., in a November 2010 photo provided by Stella Harville. Stella’s childhood church in Pike County, Kentucky, the Gulnare Free Will Baptist Church, voted to ban interracial couples from becoming members at the church after the pair sang a song during a visit to the church over the summer. (AP Photo/Stella Harville)

By DYLAN LOVAN

updated 11/30/2011 7:34:02 PM ET 2011-12-01T00:34:02
 

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — A tiny all-white Appalachian church in rural Kentucky has voted to ban interracial couples from joining its flock, pitting members against each other in an argument over race.

Members at the Gulnare Free Will Baptist Church voted Sunday on the resolution, which says the church "does not condone interracial marriage."
The church member who crafted the resolution, Melvin Thompson, said he is not racist and called the matter an "internal affair."
"I am not racist. I will tell you that. I am not prejudiced against any race of people, have never in my lifetime spoke evil about a race," said Thompson, the church's former pastor who stepped down earlier this year. "That's what this is being portrayed as, but it is not."
Church secretary Dean Harville disagrees: He says the resolution came after his daughter visited the church this summer with her boyfriend from Africa.
Stella Harville and Ticha Chikuni — now her fiancé — visited the church in June and Chikuni sang a song for the congregation. The two had visited the church before.
Dean Harville, the church's secretary, said he was counting the church offering after a service in early August when he was approached by Thompson, who told him Harville's daughter and her boyfriend were no longer allowed to sing at the church.
"If he's not racist, what is this?" Harville said of Thompson.
The vote by members last Sunday was 9-6, Harville said. It was taken after the service, which about 35 to 40 people attended. Harville said many people left or declined to vote.
The resolution says anyone is welcome to attend services, but interracial couples could not become members or be "used in worship services or other church functions."
Stella Harville, a 24-year-old graduate student at Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology in Indiana, called the vote "hurtful."
"I think part of me is still in shock and trying to process what's been going on the past few days," she said. "I really hope they overturn this."
The church's pastor, Stacy Stepp, said Wednesday that he was against the resolution. Stepp said the denomination's regional conference will begin working on resolving the issue this weekend.
The National Association of Free Will Baptists in Antioch, Tenn., has no official position on interracial marriage for its 2,400 churches worldwide, executive secretary Keith Burden said. The denomination believes in the Bible is inerrant and local churches have autonomy over decision-making.
"It's been a non-issue with us," Burden said, adding that many interracial couples attend Free Will Baptist churches. He said the Pike County church acted on its own. Burden said the association can move to strip the local church of its affiliation with the national denomination if it's not resolved.
"Hopefully it is corrected quickly," Burden said.
The church's vote on interracial marriage was first reported this week by East Kentucky Broadcasting, a network of local radio stations in the region.
Stella Harville met Chikuni at Georgetown College, where he is a student advisor. Dean Harville said Chikuni's parents live in southern Africa, and he has not seen them in over a decade.