Low Flow

Now, with the exception of the stinky hippie, we all take showers fairly regularly.  This is the modern era, we have the technology so why not be clean?  Most of us prefer to get clean in the shower, quick, convenient and just plain tasty.  For those hippies among the reading public, a shower is a pressurized spray of water that comes out of a pipe and through an apparatus called a head.  Pressure is the key to a nice shower.  And this leads me to what makes me so rabbley about showers.  Low flow shower heads suck ass.  I've never been fortunate enough to enjoy a nice, hot pee but I'm pretty sure low flow shower heads are kind of like being urinated on and it fuckin' sucks.  I understand the need for water conservation, in fact I'm a big proponent of, "If it's yellow let it mellow."  And I loathe farmers and ranchers complaining about water rights and then just turn around and waste the precious water they are allotted all the while sucking the rivers dry and killing fish.  But that's a whole 'nother rabble.  Why can't we have a happy medium of water conservation and water pressure and flow high enough to actually get your hair wet in less than 15 minutes?  I'm tempted to go all Seinfeld and tap into the shower head black market.  Maybe I can find an elephant washing device that will peel the skin off my back.  Seriously though when I take a shower I want to get wet and fast, not have to twist around all over and put every limb and body part directly into the stream for five minutes to ensure all the soap slowly dribbles off.  Just give a fucking shower.  In fact I'll bet high flow shower heads actually save water because the shower is quicker thereby shutting off the water in a fraction of the time.  What's better, a refreshing 5 minute, high flow shower or a damp 30 minute, piss fest that just wastes time and leaves you dirty anyway?  Huh, what?  Yeah, that's right, the former.  And I'll take that extra 25 minutes and write another rabble.  Rabble-B

Don't be an Asshole,

and buy diamonds.  Yeah, that's right, I don't care how pretty they are, someone, or many someones probably died or got their arms chopped off or got raped or any number of other horrors for that sparkley, shiny little thing weighing down your ears or finger.  Despite the pledging of many major companies in the diamond trade, no one can guarantee your diamond is bloodless unless they dug it up and had it cut themselves.  And I'm pretty sure that shit ain't happening.  If this makes no sense to you then go onto the world wide web and do a little Google search.  Type in "Liberian Civil War" or "Sierra Leone War" (not coincidentally often rated the poorest country in the world by the UN) or maybe "Congo Civil War", even "Charles Taylor" and see what comes up.  It might make you feel bad.  War torn doesn't even begin to describe it. 

Of course there are a million things we buy and do that cause environmental and social suffering but diamonds are among the worst offenders.  Did you know in the 90's DeBeers controlled over 80% of the world diamond trade?  And they still control over 40%.  That's fucking insane!  Anyway, it's hard to avoid copper and plastics and shit made in China but no one needs a diamond for daily life.  So fuck it, don't be an asshole. 

Instead support the people trying to make a positive difference and the people trying to escape the violence and greed.  Check out:

Falling Whistles
&
Akawelle

Rabble-B

iSuck

So the new iPhone came out today.  Ooohhh, aaahhh.  I guess the lines are 5+ hours long.  For a fucking cell phone?  Come on people, it's a piece of plastic with a bunch of wires in it.  Don't you have anything better to do with your time or your $300?  Go play frisbee in a park.  That piece of plastic costs like $6. 

And fuck you Apple (I'd post a picture of the new iPhone but Apple would probably sue me for techno-spying or some dumb shit.  They'll probably sue me already for slander from the last comment).  If a customer pre-orders a product to pick up on a certain day you should have a team of people handing that shit out left and right.  You're only hurting yourself and losing money by pissing off customers.  Or do you just not care, maybe it's part of the plan?  You have a product millions of people want so you can tease them and string them along making the masses only salivate more for your expensive piece of plastic and wires.  I mean, if you're going to make people wait in line for 5 hours you should at least give them some cookies, or a maybe a blow job.  I don't know, whatever, but fuck waiting in line for an iPhone, I don't even have AT&T so you can have it.  I'll go swimming or maybe re-lace my shoes.  Rabble-B

Mumbo Jumbo

What the hell is Java, and why does it constantly need updating?  Come on computer, I am just one man, what do you want from me?!  Rabble-B

Quote of the Week

"Fuckin' rocks are heavy." - Jenz P. Friznut in reference to moving a giant rock in the backyard.

Yes Jenz, rocks are heavy.  My favorite are igneous.  Ok, I actually don't know what that means but yeah, rocks are still heavy.  Rabble-B

Grabables

So my good friend recently illuminated me on the subject of grabables.  Or, really I shouldn't say illuminated me, but rather put into words what I and so many other men have been thinking and been frustrated by forever. 

Every drunk-idiot-frat-boy-douche bag (or just any man for that matter) will tell you they want a skinny woman (probably with big boobs, even though that is a rarity) which inevitably means bony and gangly.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I find plenty of thin models attractive but really, when you get down to reality guys need and love grabables.  "What the fuck is that?!" you say?  Grabables are the parts of a woman's body that she hates but men love to grab onto.  They are smooth and soft and comforting to a guy.  We're talking hips, sides, thighs, stomach, boobs, butt etc.  Can you name a woman who is happy with all these features of her body?  No, you can't.  Maybe one feature but no more than that.  But can you think a guy that doesn't like touching these parts?  No, you can't.  Some men like thick women and so be it, but listen up, thin women still have grabables.  It has nothing to do with being fat but I think more with being a woman vs a man.  Women are softer, men are rougher.  Fact of life, lets move on. 

So, today, and I assume, since the beginning of time, grabables remain a hot topic, women hate them, men love them and I doubt there will ever be a solution.  But at least now there is a name, a term to describe this contentious issue and if you're a child of the 80's, "Knowing, is half the battle."  So just deal with it ladies, grabables are awesome.  Rabble-B

How Many is a Brazilian?

The best part is how he couldn't go to the "Disco" that night because he couldn't walk.  Unfuckingbelieveable.  What a retard.  Rabble!


'Intimate waxing' fundraiser goes awry

British man nearly loses testicle in charity event at pub

msnbc.com

LONDON - Joe Cooper might want to think twice the next time he’s asked to participate in a bikini waxing fundraiser for charity.

Cooper, 24, was left in agony after an “intimate beauty waxing” event at a pub went a bit too far and he nearly lost a testicle.

“I'd never do it again. I wouldn't put any man through that pain,” he told British media Wednesday.  Cooper and 10 male friends had agreed to undergo the waxing on June 5 to raise cash for a local hospital. But all the others just had their chests waxed, while Joe endured the "male Brazilian,” the Daily Sun reports.

Onlookers placed bids to pull the strips off in the charity event at the pub in Birstall, Leicester.

One of the strips stuck to a very sensitive spot — and an over-energetic tug by one of his friends tore off six of his seven layers of skin, the newspaper said.

Pub manager Josh Adcock told the U.K. Daily Mail: 'Joe's a bit of a clown, he likes to do things like that.

"People were bidding quite a lot to have a rip. I was laughing but I did feel quite sorry for him, especially as we had a disco later on and he couldn't walk."

Cooper wound up at the hospital. "You can imagine how much everyone was laughing at me. It was ironic. I was meant to be helping them — and they ended up helping me. They told me if any more skin had come off, that would have been it. I was very lucky really," he was quoted as saying.

Cooper, who has so far helped to raise about $4,400 for Leicester Royal Infirmary's children's ward, added: "I just hope people will sponsor me more now — because I'm still hurting."

It's a Girl!

Happy birthday Christine.  You are now a quarter centurian (if that's even a word and spelled right) or in other words, 25.  Yay!  Have you ever been sniking (another, non word I think)?  Rabble-B

Get Your 15 Mintues Ladies

Someone just upped the game for best website ever.  This is so awesome it might be better than People of Walmart.

Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

Also, happy birthday to Laura Kirby yesterday, the quote of the week from 5/21/10, who I just found out did not know that she was the one who made said comment until she read it here.  Ah, I love the internet.  Oh, no, wait, I mean, I hate the fucking internet.  Rabble-B

Quote of the Week

"Iron Man loves you too, baby girl." - Robert Downey Jr., or maybe Tony Stark, to a female fan on the street in Europe.  Rabble-B

Lady Antebellum

Really?  That's your shitty, redneck, country stage name.  You know what I like to celebrate every year?  The day South Carolina seceded from the union.  Yeah, slavery and war and shit!  What the fuck is wrong with you lady?  The ignorance that permeates your name is so thick I'm going to choke.  I know there are lots of people that still think the South will rise again and are proud of their Southern heritage and their ancestors that bravely fought for the Confederacy in the Civil War but guess what?  It's over, and you lost.  And yeah, I realize that the immediate reason for the Civil War was to prevent the secession of the South but you know what the over-arching reason was?  Yeah, that's right, slavery.  And you know what is over now?  Slavery.  And while we have every reason to study that time period and learn from it we have no reason to celebrate the Antebellum period as a proud moment in American history.  Couldn't have been much fun if you were black.  Especially considering most other first world countries had abolished slavery years earlier.  Hell, even those assholes the British outlawed slavery in 1833!  Well, I suppose you would be justified in celebrating it if you were an abolitionist but let's face it, you're not and you weren't.  You're just a redneck, country singer trying to cash in on peoples' prejudice and miss guided pride in the slave era South.  So, Lady Antebellum, screw you and fuck the Old South.  What a waste of a beautiful place on such ill minded people such as yourself.  And besides, your bandmates are tools.  Nice almost faux hawk, douche bag.  And other guy, close your mouth, you look like a retard...  Rabble-B

Rush Limbaugh

So Rush Limbaugh got married yesterday, FOR THE FOURTH TIME!  What the fuck mister conservative, family values guy?  Unless all your previous wives died, in which case you probably killed them, I believe you're an asshole and a hypocrite.  But hey, we already know you're a hypocrite right?  I mean you are, or at least were, a drug addict.  Ironic and funny since you've railed so hard your entire career against drug addicts wanting stiffer penalties and what not.  But you know, slide on.

Back on topic, the wedding gets even better.  The homophobic and anti gay marriage Limbaugh had Elton Fucking John sing at the wedding.  Seriously, you know the apocalypse is near now.  It's reported that he paid Sir Elton a cool million too.  While Rush is still a retarded asshole I guess I'm dissappointed in Elton John for taking the gig I guess money talks right?.  Though I'm still excited to see him play in July.  Maybe I'll have a little talk with him at the show.  Rabble-B

Fucking Bizarre...

Dude Castro are you high or just have dementia?  I mean Iran and North Korea are pretty crazed but wiping them out with a nuclear strike would help Obama win a second term?  Whatever.  I don't know buddy, you've been MIA for four years and you just come out of nowhere with this gem?  What the fuck dude?  Rabble-B

Fidel Castro claims Obama lives in fantasy world

 By WILL WEISSERT (AP) – 2 days ago

HAVANA — Fidel Castro speculated Wednesday that a nuclear strike on Iran might help President Barack Obama win a second term in the White House and also suggested the United States could attack North Korea.
The former leader of Cuba, who has not been seen in public for nearly four years, also portrayed the U.S. president as a victim of fantasies planted in his mind by sinister advisers.
The column published by Cuban state media floated the idea that a nuclear attack on Iran — perhaps even without U.S. authorization — might help Obama win re-election in 2012.
"Could Obama enjoy the emotions of a second presidential election without having the Pentagon or the State of Israel, whose conduct does not in the least obey the decisions of the United States, use nuclear weapons against Iran?" he asked. "How would life on our planet be after that?"
It's a question he did not answer, nor did he elaborate.
Castro also referred to "the current danger North Korea could be attacked by the United States" because of "the recent incident that happened in that country's waters" — apparently a reference to allegations that North Korea attacked and sank a South Korean warship, killing 46 sailors.
Castro, 83, said China might be able to block such an attack by using its veto in the U.N. Security Council, implying that Washington was likely to seek that body's authorization before a move against North Korea.
The government of North Korea has denied involvement in the torpedo attack near the countries' sea border in March. During a visit to Seoul last month, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said the North should face international consequences for the sinking.
Castro often has praised Obama in recent years, but painted him as a pawn of the global capitalist machine on Wednesday.
"President Obama can give hundreds of speeches, trying to reconcile contradictions that are irreconcilable ... dreaming of the magic of his well-articulated phrases," he wrote.
But Castro said Obama "makes concessions to personalities and groups totally lacking in ethics and draws fantasy worlds that only fit in his head and that unscrupulous advisers, knowing his tendencies, plant in his mind."

Copyright © 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Whirleyball

Ever heard, of whirleyball?  Imagine bumper cars meets lacrosse, meets basketball...  No, ok, so your driving around in a bumper car with a mini lacrosse scoop and a wiffle ball.  You smash into everyone else and try to chuck the ball at a net to score points.  Awesome!  Rabble-B

Birthdays, again

Today, is my birthday.  See the Rabble from 3/25/10 to see how I feel about it.  Also, I ate a pineapple upside down cupcake and it was tasty.  Not for amateurs.  Rabble-B