Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits

And also apparently decapitates Toadstool with a roundhouse kick and rescues the princess in about 30 seconds.  He also has infinity to the fourth power lives.  Though neither of the Mario brothers appear watch this video or Chuck Norris might kill you in your sleep.  Unrabble-B

Meat Flavored Meat

I ate this Torta (Or, actually one just like it.  This belongs to my friend Andrew who didn't finish it) tonight.  It's possibly the meatiest thing I've ever eaten.  No joke, it's amazing and certainly one of the best sandwiches in America.  Though tortas are Mexican sandwiches, there's nothing Mexican about this thing, rather lots of red,white and blue.  And not in a George Bush, "I'm just a good ol' boy, clearing brush on my ranch.", bullshit kind of way.  Like straight up American street food kind of way.  Though it's not technically made on the street either, rather about 10 feet indoors. 

Anyway, it contains: breaded steak, chorizo mixed with egg, ham, bacon, sliced up hotdog, jalapeno, tomato, mayo and probably a few other treats, all between two giant pieces of french bread.  I feel as though I might birth some weird hybrid cow, pig, chicken creature.  It sure looks as if I'm pregnant anyway. 

So yeah, if you're sandwich kind of folk, you should put it on your life list.  Let me know and I'll tell you where it is.  Even better, we'll go together. 

Also, I saw Hobo Family Band tonight for the third time in a week.  I'm starting to think their repertoire consists of a select few Beatles songs because they played Norwegian Wood again for the second time in a row.  Oh Family Hobo Band...  Unrabble/Rabble-B

BARTworld BARTworld

Too bad my friends are staying at the Mandarin Oriental in SF like a couple of losers.  While they're tucked in their suite, lounging around on 2000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets and champagne looking out over the city and the Bay, their multi million dollar view, after eating super chompy sandwiches with fries and coleslaw on them.  I got to see Hobo Family Band again.  This time they played Norwegian Wood.  So I'm not sure if they're a Beatles cover band or I just happen to hit them twice in one week playing Beatles covers.  Either way I saw them at the exact same place as last time, right before I transferred trains, luckily.  Though tonight some guy got run over and killed by a BART train at the MacAurthur station so the train didn't stop there.  Totally awful and crazy, yet somehow fairly normal for the Bay Area.  Another day in BARTworld.  Rabble-B

Conan O'Brien Can't Stop

Just finished the documentary, Conan O'Brien Can't Stop.  Except for the Eddie Vedder cameo, it's awesome.  Watch it!  Unrabble-B

Bike-asaurus

You know Truck-asaurus the stupid fire breathing robot at those redneck monster truck rallies (ok, they're super trashy but really fun too, kind of like ATV's)?  Ya, well he's got nothing on this thing I saw by my house last night.  Bike-asaurus would rip his ass limb from limb and swallow each limb whole, then boil his guts with a potato to get a stew goin'.  And even better, Bike-asaurus is homemade.  And well, yeah, I'm sure I'd be disappointed if I saw the owner of this bike and when he actually probably looks and acts like the comic book store guy from The Simpsons I'd be pretty bummed.  Though I'm pretty sure comic book store guy would never ride a bike.  But then again, I do live in Berkeley.  Whatever, it's got green lights on it and you'd never miss it in traffic!  So rad!  Unrabble-B

Not so Lucky Charms

So I bought a box of Lucky Charms yesterday (my favorite cereal which I don't usually buy because $5.50 is insane for a box full of puffed wheat and dehydrated marshmallows) because it was on sale.  Ok, I'm stoked.  And on top of that, inside is a freaking Star Wars pen!  Yeah!  And it has a picture on the front of a sweet ass R2D2 pen.  Best toy ever in a box of cereal right?  You might get Darth Vader or Boba Fett or fucking Chewy!  And if maybe if your box is full of Unlucky Charms you might get Lando Calrissian right?  No big.  But what pen fall out of the box into my bowl of sweet, chompy cereal?  Jar Jar Fucking Binks!  Seriously, are you kidding me?!  Out of all the cool Star Wars characters I get the absolute worst one, the most reviled character in all six films  Ah come on! 

I bet all of them are Jar Jar Binks, they just put R2D2 on the box for show.  They're all the left over favors from the last Vegas Star Wars convention.  General Mills got a smokin' deal on them yet another dump truck full of cash backed up to George Lucas' house.  Rabble Fucking Rabbletron-B

BARTworld BARTworld

Just got off the BART.  I love it when a crazy bum gets on the train wearing a full gray, stained sweatsuit and stinking to high heaven.  Reeking so bad in fact that literally everyone around him instantly moves away.  Of course the crazy bum starts talking shit (and by shit I mean unintelligible nonsense) and everyone moves even further away.  A couple ladies turn away and try to cover noses with scarves, a couple people get out of their seats and actually move to a different car.  Even bum Santa with food stains all over the front of his sweat shirt is horrified at the stench. 

Good thing the family hobo band walks into the same car at one stop whispering, "cops, cops, cops" as there's a foot patrol outside at the station.  The car is pretty crowded so family hobo band (father, clearly not wearing underwear, and two sons) can't properly get their jam on.  In the meantime crazy bum is still rambling, though quieter now, and emitting a nauseating odor.  What seems an eternity later, we hit the transfer station and as soon as the majority of the riders exit the car the family hobo band loudly strikes up "Blackbird", and not a terrible rendition I'd say.  Who could've predicted that crazy, stinky bum's Kryptonite, as Christine put it, would be a family hobo band jammin' some oldies?  Because as soon as the first chord of Blackbird was strummed he bolted for another car.  Poor riders didn't know what was coming.  Ah, BARTworld.  Rabble-B

Dear Nordstroms,

Suck it!  Rabble-B

Who's Abbey

So there's a vomitous British show called, Downton Abbey on, I think the BBC?

So I thought it was Downtown Abbey about some British chick named Abbey who maybe was born downtown and fought and struggled through trials and sexism to move her way uptown to become a regal lady of society.  I don't know.  Whatever, I've never actually watched it.

Turns out it's about a place called Downton and there's no one named Abbey.  What the fuck?  Rabble-B

Hey Hobo!

Ya, you, hobo guy sitting on the sidewalk asking me for money.  Dude, you have an iPhone hooked up to a speaker playing music.  Your phone is nicer than mine.  I'm not giving you a penny asshole, and I don't even like pennies but you still can't have mine.  I'll throw them in the trash first.  Rabble-B

If it was only Dominos...

I was shown this great article in Grist the other day. 

Apparently, if you pay Pizza Hut $10,010 they will provide you with an entire engagement package to do your deed, including a ring, limo service, FIREWORKS SHOW, etc. AND your very own "$10 Dinner Box" for the two of you.  I'm assuming that's what the extra $10 is in the price.  Because if you've spent $10,000 already they can't just throw in the pizza.  And really, what better way to say, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you.", than a $10 box of pizza.  Fuck Yeah! 

This makes me look like such a chump, I want a do-over.  It'll work out perfectly, especially considering my fiance doesn't even eat cheese.  I'm so envious that 20 years down the road I don't get to recall, "Remember when I paid Pizza Hut $10,010 to help us get engaged and then I ate a bunch of pizza while you watched me?  I love you."  Rabble-B

http://grist.org/food/love-fast-food-america-well-then-why-dont-you-marry-it/

AH, COME ON!!!

As if I didn't hate PETA enough already, this video is just so fucked up on so many levels.  I don't even really know what to say. 

I mean, really, they're so desperate for membership now they're trying to appeal to some absurd form of masculinity and overcharged testosterone douchery while offending women everywhere.  You fucked her so hard she smashed her head into the wall and is stuck in a neck brace...  All because you're vegan... 

Ya because we all know chips and soy chicken nuggets (I've known plenty of vegan folks who seem to survive on these two items alone) will make you go all night long.  And besides BWVAKTBOOM is the lamest acronym I've ever heard of, not to mention seems to make light of domestic abuse. 

What the fuck ever...  Watch the video.  Rabble-B

Drive (into the guard rail)

So I recently watched the film Drive, and I have to say, it was a darn good movie.  The super 80's Miami Vice music was kind of weird, not a whole lot really happened in the whole movie, there was not nearly as much violence as I was lead to believe, the dad from Malcom in the Middle irritates me, not nearly enough car chases for a film titled as such, I have no idea why Ryan Gosling's unnamed main character decided to get involved with his neighbor's troubles and why he didn't die at the end.  But otherwise, it was pretty good.

Also, for anyone who now thinks Ryan Gosling is a bad ass because of this film you need to watch this stellar montage of him in The Notebook...  Rabble-B

In Canada they call this, Tuesdays

Isn't getting liquored up before you climb onto a Zamboni required.  I would guess the Canadian Embassy will be calling, demanding the release of this man on the grounds he's now a political prisoner.  I mean seriously, I'm not a fan of drunk driving whatsoever but how do you get arrested for drunk driving if you're not even on the road?  Rabble-B

Man arrested after allegedly driving Zamboni while drunk

Found 16 hours ago on NESN.com:

Via NESN:
There aren't many worse things you can do as an employee than driving drunk while at work, a fact that extends to Zamboni drivers.
A 34-year-old man was arrested in Apple Valley, Minn., after police were called to the local rink to investigate what was some erratic Zamboni driving, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reports. The part-time employee was having problems getting the Zamboni off the ice after his sloppy driving while on the ice.
"He looked like I do when I have my allergy attacks," youth hockey coach Bryan Dornstreich said. "I didn't really think anything of it."
While Dornstreich was working with a referee, a parent came over to say that the attendant was "weaving all over, slurring his words."
Witnesses noticed that the job, which usually takes about 10 minutes, took him 25 minutes to complete because he attempted to fix missed spots.
Dornstreich warned the referee, who was in charge of moving the nets off the ice, to stay clear of the driver. The coach then made sure that everybody stayed away from the glass during the joyride. When the man finished his sloppy work, parents had to go onto the ice to "scrape off the rough parts" so the team could practice.
The man also reportedly stumbled and smelled of booze and was arrested by authorities after he failed field sobriety tests. The investigation is ongoing and he's yet to be charged, but state records state the man in question has been convicted of drunk driving on three other occasions, according to the Star Tribune.