Drilling?

So Obama is going to allow new drilling off the east coast and Alaska?!  Long live the Democrats, champions of the environment.  All of you who thought Obama was going to save the country, guess what, he's just another politician, just like assholes he defeated in the election.  Insert gun in mouth.  Rabble-B

Twilight Zone...

If you own a business in Forks, WA and you put a Twilight poster in your window what does that mean?  I understand if you are the operator of Dazzled by Twilight and you're trying to cash in on a bunch of teenage girls and gay men making a pilgrimage to Forks.  You're still an asshole but I get it, you found a way to make money off a fad.  But what does a pile of logs on the side of the road with a Twilight Firewood mean?  Is it blessed by vampires?  What the fuck?  I don't get it.  And Twilight tours?  What, are you walking around looking for vampires?  "Hey look, there's some old growth trees.  Oh, and there's some more old growth trees.  Oooh look, werewolves!  No, those are elk."  Fuck...  Also I know the owner of the Forks sporting goods store, he said Bella never worked there.  So, shit, I don't know, just watch the movie and stay home please and leave Forks to the depressed loggers and fishermen. 

Awesome Possum

Police report attempt to revive flattened opossum

By Jason Kessler, CNN

March 26, 2010 8:52 p.m. EDT

(CNN) -- A Pennsylvania man attempted to resuscitate "a road-killed opossum," state police say.
But this was one possum who wasn't playing possum -- the ugly creature remained dead.
Troopers responding to the scene in Oliver Township on Thursday determined that Donald J. Wolfe, 55, of Brookeville, was drunk, according to the police report.
Several witnesses observed Wolfe's failed resurrection of the flattened marsupial, police said. It was not immediately clear how he endeavored to restore the possum's life.
The arresting officer in the incident was unavailable for comment Friday. Attempts to reach Wolfe were also unsuccessful.

Wolfe will be charged with one charge of public drunkenness, police said.

Rabble-B

Scalpers Fuck Off!

If you're a scalper then you too can fuck off.  You're a leech and an asshole on the level of a mining industry lobbyist trying to pitch the Pebble Mine to native Alaskans as beneficial to their community.  Click here if that didn't make sense so you can be appalled at something new.  You're probably a pedophile too and buy a shitload of tickets to a Miley Cyrus show or fuckin' Jonas Brothers or a summer festival so you can sell them off at 4 times face value (which is usually already a fucking rip off) and get to meet up with a young girl and say inappropriate things to her you creepster.  There's a reason it's illegal in most cities, because it's fucked up and unfair to fans.  You are the reason the tickets sold out in a day and people who want to go to see their favorite band can't unless they want to pay you an outrageous sum you didn't spend an ounce of sweat earning.  If anyone should make money from a ticket it should be the band, not a scumbag like you.  So eat a dick scalper man (or stupid, smelly hippie chick selling extra tickets to pay her drug dealer) go get a real job and earn money like the rest of us.  Rabble-B

Happy Birthday

(No, Jens this is not about you even if today is your birthday you old fucker) I think everyone should get their own personal, paid holiday on their birthday.  The federal or state government pays you your typical daily wage and you take the day off and do whatever you want because it's your birthday.  Better they give you money for your birthday then waste it on MLB steroid hearings (yeah, fuck you congress for wasting my money on that shit).  And besides it's already your money anyway.

Unless you're like an amateur day trader or some other bogus "job" and you roll out of bed at noon, put on your bathrobe, take a toke, get a cup of coffee and sit down to click your mouse a little bit on the computer before you take a nap at 2pm.  Fuck you then.  And dirty hippies with no job, you don't get shit.  Not people who have two kids and a mortgage and lost their jobs but stupid hippies.  How about this?  If you take a shower by 10am everyday then you're eligible, that eliminates hippies and day trader assholes.  I suppose if you have a late restaurant shift or something then you're exempt from the shower stipulation but the rest of you...  So if you qualify then happy birthday!  Do something fun!  Rabble-B

My First Census

So I've never filled out my own census before and man was I excited when it showed up at my house.  I tore into it with a passionate yearning to do my duty as a citizen.  Ok, not really, I don't really give a shit but after a week or so sitting on the counter I filled it out anyway.

When I got to question #9 I checked white.  Ok, cool, I mean, I'm really Scandinavian, like I burn on a cloudy day.  Below it though you can check Black, African American or Negro.  Now I am a history nerd so I can exercise my healthy sense of anachronism and see that maybe in Sec. Charles Sawyer's 1950 census negro would be an appropriate term.  But guess what?  It's 2010 and we don't use that term anymore.  How is that appropriate these days?  So what the fuck Gary Locke (the Sec. of Commerce in charge of fucking up the census for us)?!  You sucked dick as the Washington Sate governor for 8 years and now you are sucking dick at your new job too.  And the census is already over budget, imagine that...

Well maybe you could've saved some ink, a piece of paper or two and a few bucks omitted the word negro from your census.  If it's to be included in the 2020 census too I would like to officially petition to add the word honky in addition to white race.  I would totally check that box.  Rabble-B

Two Wheels

If you are a bicyclist and you commute to work or wherever via pedal power then I commend you.  You are keeping a car off the road and the pollution that goes with it.  Good for you.

But you know what?  You are also more than likely an asshole.  Yes, you, biker boy in the full spandex get up with padded ball protector in the crotch.  For all your bitching about "same rules, same rights, same road", you can't seem to follow the same laws that you cry foul about so often when a car doesn't give you the consideration.  Why can't you, Mr. biker man, ever stop at a stop sign, or a stoplight for that matter?  If I blew a stoplight in my car you'd be pissed, but it's cool you're on a bike, no sweat.  Look at you go.  Let's say you do actually stop at an intersection, why is it okay for you to ride between the lanes of cars to the very front and then clog the whole intersection up when the light turns green and you struggle to click your shoe back into your pedal? You're a dick.  Why do you also feel like it's okay to ride the wrong way down a one way street?  You'd freak out if I drove my car the wrong way up a street you were biking down.  Not that that would ever happen.  I mean I try not to drive the wrong down a one way but you just pedal on down whatever street you want regardless of the lanes or direction.  You don't care, you're on a bike, you're environmentally and socially responsible.

And you know the biggest reason you're a dick?  When things look a little slow on the street, maybe it's rush hour, you ride on the sidewalk and right through the crosswalk.  Just like a walkman (see previous post), the key word here is WALK!  If you want to take your trike off the street get the fuck off and walk it so I don't feel like I'm gonna get run over by your arrogant ass.  But I suppose if you're real crafty, or a real fucktard, you'll ride in the street when it's convenient and on the sidewalk when that's faster.  That's helps everyone out (actually no, it doesn't, it pisses everyone off on the road and the sidewalk).

So thank you biker fucker, for taking an environmentally responsible and healthy way to travel and causing me to curse it.  Just get a car and save us all some stress.

Antiperspirant

Fuck antiperspirant.  Aluminum is not good for you and it's especially not good for you to rub it into your body.  The active ingredient in most antiperspirants is Aluminum Chloride, Aluminum Zirconium or Aluminum Chlorohydrate.  Notice the theme?  ALUMINUM!  Aluminum is considered a neurotoxin and can cause DNA damage (I know, right? Fuck that shit!) and negatively affect the blood-brain barrier and I sure as shit don't want a brain infection thank you.  More controversially, high levels of aluminum have been found in the brains of Alzheimers sufferers and some scientific studies have found links between aluminum in the body and breast cancer.  Of course these days everything causes cancer that's still pretty fucked up. Though the alcohol in a can of Rainier or whatever will probably do you more harm than the can itself, I'm pretty sure wiping aluminum into your skin every day is not a good idea.  So fuck aluminum and fuck antipersirants.  Sweat a little.  It's not going to hurt you.  Rabble-B

PS- Deodorant and antipersiprant are not one in the same.  Everyone should wear deodorant.  It does not contain aluminum and if you're a pussy and you want to get some natural Tom's of Maine stuff then fine but everyone should wear deodorant because you stink (and me too) and only dirty, scummy, hippies forego deodorant because they have no concept of hygiene because they are gross.  Go take a shower hippie!

The Key Word in Walkman...

...is WALK!  Ok so maybe no one listens to tapes anymore but that doesn't give you the right to listen to your iPod, or whatever mp3 player thing you have, while driving.  When did this become an ok thing to do and why do I see so many people on the road with little, white earbuds stuffed in their heads jammin' out to Jack Johnson or some other shit, hippie jam band, garbage? 

If it's an ear piece for a cellphone that's another story (and I applaud you for your consideration) but it's not, it's people with fucking headphones on behind the wheel.  How is this safe?  It wasn't five years ago.  Stop endangering my life asshole and pull those fucking things out of your ears so you can hear me honking at you after you merged into me with no turn signal or bothering to look around!  Rabble-B

Mike Michalak Throws Down

Not that anyone will understand what it means but Mike Michalak of The Fly Shop in Redding wrote a long overdue article in Angling Trade this month.  The ship is back in the harbor...

Read it at Angling Trade.  Click on the March Issue, open it up and find the Opinion Editorial page.  Then read, and reflect.  Rabble-B

Hey, James Cameron!

So why hasn't someone made a robots vs. dinosaurs movie (if someone actually did and i just don't know about it then please tell me)?  How could that not be the most action packed movie ever made?  Where history and the future collide, and mostly likely fuck up the present too as a result of the epic battle.  Then, in the end of the film after most of the Earth is a smoking pile of rubble Truckasaurus, the half robot, half dinosaur all the white trash people that faithfully attend demolition derbies love so much, will become the czar of the Earth and breathe flames on anyone who dares defy him.  He will also chew on old cars most of the time. 

I think James Cameron should direct it.  He needs to redeem himself after that pile of shit Avatar and for getting his ass handed to him at the Oscars by his ex-wife.  Yeah, James, Avatar was pretty to watch but the story sucked ass and anybody with a fancy computer and a bong could've made that film.  Don't you remember making Terminator 2?  You did all that without CG crap.  I know you have it in you buddy.  Don't make me contact Ridley Scott because I know he would make a kick ass film...  Rabble-B

Two New Records

You should check out these two new records from Jaguar Love and Rocky Votolato.  Buy them and support independent music! Rabble - B

PS-Both are available on vinyl with mp3 download codes so you can put the album on your ipod.  Even if you don't have a record player you should buy vinyl because it is a real music format and believe it or not vinyl is a higher fidelity than your ipod and you don't have to whine about it because you can still listen to it on your crappy sounding ipod with crappy little headphones because they both include mp3 downloads (see above).

No,

I don't want an iPhone and I hate Scrabble so why would I get an iPhone to play Words With Friends with you?  Besides, who can even afford a hundred dollar cell phone bill?  Really.  Rabble-B

My friend Lily died yesterday.  She was a pitbull and a good critter.  I loved her and I'm sad and going to miss her. Rabble-B

Get off the Road!

How can it possibly be that enough people can decide from one day to the next to drive or not drive on a particular stretch of highway, the same one that I happen to commute on and turn it from a smooth 20 minute drive into 40 minutes of pain?  For the life of me I cannot figure it out and it happens often.  It's not like this is Friday of Labor Day weekend and 10,000 extra assholes are headed to the Gorge to get stoned and see DMB.  No, it's the fucking middle of the week, sunny or rainy, the difference in volume of traffic from say a Wednesday to a Thursday is ridiculous and I suffer for it.  I already despise other drivers enough but I truly don't understand where all these people come from and why they all decide to clog up the freeway on the same day. Sometimes on these days I just want to get away from another driver on the road because they are making me uncomfortable for some reason.  So why is it that I pass them, see them fade away in my rearview, only to come up behind them 5 miles later? 

After contemplating this for years and today too, on the way to work I also thought about all the different types of dipshit drivers that endanger or just irritate me everyday.  So, below are a few examples.

Driver Profiles
The Asshole:  This moron realizes there are lots of other people on the road but doesn't give a shit.  Usually they're driving 85 in a 60, weaving in and out of traffic and gets pissed off when stuck behind a car in the far right lane that's doing the speed limit.  Causes collisions and near collisions behind them and either has no idea or is uninterested.  Also believes semi trucks can magically stop on a dime because they'll cut 10 feet in front of one to get into the far right lane where they subsequently gets stuck behind that car doing the speed limit.

The Oblivious:  Has no idea where they are or where they're going.  May not even know they're driving.  Varies speed from 45 to 90 on the freeway and wanders in and out of their lane.  Often merges or changes lanes without signaling or looking, just assuming there's no one in their blind spot.  May or may not stop at a stop sign.  Is totally unaware that the only way driving is possible is because everyone agrees to a set of rules and more or less follows them, in other words, this person has never read of heard of Rosseau's The Social Contract.  As a result doesn't realize people on the road are trying to get somewhere and is thoroughly offended when you honk at them for driving like a retard.  (May be mistaken for someone on a cell phone that's just not paying attention but there's no cell phone involved.)

The Reader:  Is on a long road trip, possibly drives everyday for work.  Motors along in the far right lane and sets the cruise control to exactly the speed limit and opens up to chapter 6.  May end up in the ditch because they weren't at a stopping point.  War and Peace anyone?  Pass this person quickly.

The Aged:  Anyone (except my grandfather who somehow manages to drive extremely well for being 80, though it may be due to the fact that he drove a concrete truck for over 40 years and learned to deal with those listed above and below) eligible for even partial Social Security due to their age.  They often fall into the oblivious category too but generally just drive 15mph under the speed limit (even if the limit is 25) and on the freeway stay in the far right lane or even on the shoulder if available to drive on in daylight hours.

The Cliche:  Nothing original here.  He is middle aged, overweight, bald, hates his wife, and bought a sports car and feels the need to drive it at mach 3.  I like fast cars too but you sir, are a fucking idiot.  Besides you couldn't afford a cool car like an Aston Martin DB7, Porsche 911 or even a BMW M3, no you are driving around a 2009 Chevy Camaro base model and run it at redline to make people think it's fast.  Fuck off (unless your name is Alex McDonald and you drive a Ferrari 328GTS then you are a badass). Rabble-B

The First Rabble: The Internet

The internet and computers are a huge waste of time.  Life is too short to waste updating your Facespace profile or punching away on Twitter about how you're eating rocky road ice cream right now.  Who gives a shit?  If I want to know something about you or I have a question I'll call you.  If I don't have your phone number then I don't need to keep in touch on a computer.  Sorry, it's just not that important.  Email has it's place I suppose, it's very difficult to avoid email today, but even that's old hat now.

I'd rather go outside than turn on my computer and have thus far been successful in avoiding participation in the internet beyond email.  Unfortunately I get so rabbley about so many things I need an outlet to compile them so here it is.  The very thing that I despise has become my refuge for rabbling.  Sigh.  Rabble-B


PS-If this actually posts without any issues I will be shocked since computers never seem to work when you're doing anything important, or anything at all for that matter.