Two Wheels

If you are a bicyclist and you commute to work or wherever via pedal power then I commend you.  You are keeping a car off the road and the pollution that goes with it.  Good for you.

But you know what?  You are also more than likely an asshole.  Yes, you, biker boy in the full spandex get up with padded ball protector in the crotch.  For all your bitching about "same rules, same rights, same road", you can't seem to follow the same laws that you cry foul about so often when a car doesn't give you the consideration.  Why can't you, Mr. biker man, ever stop at a stop sign, or a stoplight for that matter?  If I blew a stoplight in my car you'd be pissed, but it's cool you're on a bike, no sweat.  Look at you go.  Let's say you do actually stop at an intersection, why is it okay for you to ride between the lanes of cars to the very front and then clog the whole intersection up when the light turns green and you struggle to click your shoe back into your pedal? You're a dick.  Why do you also feel like it's okay to ride the wrong way down a one way street?  You'd freak out if I drove my car the wrong way up a street you were biking down.  Not that that would ever happen.  I mean I try not to drive the wrong down a one way but you just pedal on down whatever street you want regardless of the lanes or direction.  You don't care, you're on a bike, you're environmentally and socially responsible.

And you know the biggest reason you're a dick?  When things look a little slow on the street, maybe it's rush hour, you ride on the sidewalk and right through the crosswalk.  Just like a walkman (see previous post), the key word here is WALK!  If you want to take your trike off the street get the fuck off and walk it so I don't feel like I'm gonna get run over by your arrogant ass.  But I suppose if you're real crafty, or a real fucktard, you'll ride in the street when it's convenient and on the sidewalk when that's faster.  That's helps everyone out (actually no, it doesn't, it pisses everyone off on the road and the sidewalk).

So thank you biker fucker, for taking an environmentally responsible and healthy way to travel and causing me to curse it.  Just get a car and save us all some stress.