One month!

I made it the whole month of movember growing this sweet 'stache and  I'm still married, employed and not in jail. I deem movember a success! Unrabble-B

Suck it BP!

Finally the Obama administration is taking a step, albeit a small one probably more about punishment than actual environmental protection, in the right direction.  Today, or probably yesterday, the EPA banned BP from future contracts with the US government stemming from their pathetic attempts to take responsibility for the Deepwater Horizon disaster and their lack of real efforts to clean up their mess.  The ban isn't permanent, technically it's a suspension, but will remain in effect until criminal proceedings are over and BP cleans up their act. 

Read more here: http://news.msn.com/us/bp-suspended-from-new-us-govt-contracts

Now, onward Obama to more environmental conservation measures!  Oh.  No?  Oh, okay.  Rabble-B

Things I've remained blissfully ignorant of until today

A few things I've recently been exposed to on Youtube:

Who the fuck is Nicki Manaj and why does this video have 93 million views?!  The first 45 seconds is a bunch of nonsensical space ships and tribal dudes and then she walks out of the ocean and starts sort of but not really singing a song?  I'm not sure what happens after that, I turned it off.  Why is this person famous?  Music blows these days, nothing I can stomach anymore was recorded after 1978.

779 million people thought this was worth checking out before I'd ever heard of this.  That's almost a sixth of Earth's entire population.  I still don't know what happens in this video, it's beyond the limits of human comprehension.  This video is truly vexing in the worst way.

I don't like Taylor Swift's music, at all, it's terrible, which is why I'd never seen this video until today.  I do appreciate though that she writes her own music and unabashedly writes about her life, as dumb as her existence seems to be.  But seriously, what is with the guy in the dog suit playing guitar in this video?  Yes, that's right, I said, "the guy in the dog suit playing guitar".  Is he on ecstacy?  Is he from a failed mid 2000's pop punk band and this is his big break?  Is he a little touched?  He's really freakin' me out.

Ok, I get it, you're a fucking map!  Just show me how to get to 7-11 and shut the fuck up!

Rabble-B

Not quite the irony I was looking for

Yesterday I read this:

3 BP executives indicted over Gulf oil spill

Rick Jervis and Kevin Johnson, USA TODAYShare

BP agrees to pay $4.5 billion in fines in the largest such settlement in U.S. history.

 Then today I read this:

Four injured, 2 missing in oil platform blaze off Louisiana coast

 I thought there was just a little bit of justice in the world with BP shelling out billions for their role in the largest environmental disaster in US history but then another rig explodes the day after.  It would be ironic if people weren't injured and/or dead.  So when are those new safety regulations supposed to kick in?  Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh...

Solar people, solar.  And wind.  We'll never be rid of oil and that's fine but we CAN reduce our need for oil and maybe, just possibly (I'm getting too far away from my own cynical mind) we can reduce the power oil companies have over our economy and politics and maybe, just possibly they'll actually be forced to implement real safety measures for people and the environment instead of cutting corners to pump out more $4.50 gas and fuel for wars we don't need.  By that time though, we'll have established a Mars colony and we won't need this dump of a planet anymore.  Fuck it, pollute it all!  I'm buying a Hummer!  Rabble-B

John Ashcroft isn't the only one...

...to lose an election to a dead man.  Yep that's right, in case you don't remember John Ashcroft lost his Missouri senate race in 2000 to the ghost of Mel Carnahan.  And no, it's not the first time that has happened in US politics but I just have to imagine you must be a real piece of shit to lose like that, and true to that theory, John Ashcroft was in fact, a piece of shit.  And then there's this from last week:

Dead candidates win elections in Florida, Alabama

 By Barbara Liston and Verna Gates

The two apparently died of natural causes, which did not sway voters.

Florida Democrat Earl K. Wood and Alabama Republican Charles Beasley won their respective elections but they will not take office.
Both men died weeks before the Nov. 6 election yet managed to beat their very much alive opponents by comfortable margins.
Wood died on Oct. 15 from natural causes at age 96, during his campaign for a 12th term as Orange County Tax Collector in Orlando, Fla.
Criticized for rarely coming into the office while collecting a $150,000 salary and $90,000 pension, Wood initially announced he would step down, only to change his mind when a longtime political foe made plans to seek the seat.
Wood's wide name recognition after almost half a century in office scared off several serious contenders. His name remained on the ballot and he took 56 percent of the votes to 44 percent for a Republican who promised to eliminate the office altogether if elected.
Beasley, 77, died on Oct. 12, possibly due to an aneurysm, while trying to reclaim his old seat on the Bibb County Commission in central Alabama.
Beasley's name also remained on the ballot and he won about 52 percent of the vote. His Democratic opponent, incumbent Commissioner Walter Sansing, took the loss especially hard.
"It is a touchy situation. When you are running against a dead man, you are limited as to what you can say," Sansing told Reuters.
He blamed people voting straight Republican tickets for his loss.
In Orlando, Scott Randolph, an outgoing Democratic state legislator and state party activist, was selected by his party to receive votes cast for Wood and he will assume the office. In Alabama, the governor will appoint a new commissioner with input from local Republicans.

***I love Wood, he rarely even showed up to work while collecting $150,000 a year?!  This is what's wrong with our government.  This exactly, right here.  And, the Republican guy is such an idiot he ran for an office that he wanted to eliminate, thereby eliminating his own job if he'd won.  What a moron!  And poor, Walter Sansing, you must be a giant pile of elephant dung, and you proved it by blaming voters for voting a straight Republican ticket and insinuating you might have won if the wasn't! dead because then you could campaign harder?  Ooooookay...  Rabble-B

General Rabbliness

Ok, it's been a couple weeks now and I've got all this rabblin', both good and bad, in my head. 

First, happy birthday to three dudes, Slice and Le Porters.  Dudes.

Second, the Giants won the World Series!  And, I've said before, I'm not really into baseball so much anymore, but the Giants were my team when I was a kid.  Will Clark, Kevin Mitchell, Willie Mays, the '89 quake series, doesn't get any better.  Yeah.  Well anyway, the victory parade route happened to run in front of my work downtown SF so I got to watch the whole thing.  Crazy!  Give SF any reason to throw a party and they will show up.  At 8:30am when I arrived (two and a half hours before the parade started) there were already teenagers running through the streets with bottles of liquor in one hand and blunts in the other.  Throw in all the drunk bros, tourists, legit Giants fans and crazy hobos and it was one insane party.  Oh yeah it was Halloween too...
This is pretty much what I saw.  Needless to say, a great time, and I got paid to be there.

I also got to vote in California for the first time.  Man, is it fucking work.  It makes you ponder if dictatorship is the way to go.  The thing that got me the most, other than the TWO public pool propositions on my ballot, is the "connect the arrow" bullshit.  This is my sample ballot where I can vote for Eleanor Roosevelt or Bruce Lee.

See, you're supposed to connect the arrow to make your choice.  Who the fuck thought this trash up?!  Not that it's difficult, though I'm sure some voters just gave up, but it's needlessly different.  Fill in the bubble.  Everyone has filled in a bubble.  We've all taken those stupid Scantron tests.  The one where every time you wanted to fill in the bubbles to look like a middle finger but never actually did, yeah that one.  So it would be really simple if every ballot just looked the damn same.  No more hanging chads or broken arrows.  No recounts no bullshit.  Oh, wait, haha, silly me, it's politics, it's all bullshit.  And for what it's worth even dead Bruce Lee would make a way radder president that either of the jokers that actually have a shot in any presidential election.  And no, I did not vote for Rosanne Barr...

In other great election buffonery, California has Proposition 35 to increase penalties and expand definitions of human and sex trafficking.  Seems like a no brainer right?  In voter pamphlet the argument against was written by the following:

MANUAL JIMENEZ, CFO

Erotic Service Providers Legal,
Education, and Research Project, Inc.

NORMA JEAN ALMODOVAR

STARCHILD

 

Seriously, you couldn't make this shit up if you dropped acid and went to the planetarium. 

And, in case you were confused as to what month it is, we're now in either, Novembeard or Movember, your choice.  This year I'm rockin' the fu manchu and it's already starting to come in nicely after less than a week.  I'll post a photo about mid month to show you the halfway point.  I'm not trying to raise money, I mostly just like facial hair.  However, lots of men are and mens' health issues, including prostate cancer, are very serious and very back burner in our society so buck up men and go to the doctor.  Let him stick his thumb in your butt and push on your testicles, it's for your own good and your family too.  

Lastly, here's some fish I caught recently:

Me with double chin and very dead chinook caught on a clouser.

A fine Delta striper.

Rainbow from the Upper Sacramento

My first Roosterfish, East Cape, MX

Many rabbles and many unrabbles-B

Fun Fact

Up to 10% of your pillow weight is dead dust mites and their feces.  Rabble-B

Big Ed

So I couldn't really give a shit about celebrities for the most part.  There's people and they act, or sing or throw a ball.  I mean, it'd be cook to kick it and drink beers with Harrison Ford but I'm not gonna try to get him to sign my boobs or something. 

Anyway, I AM really stoked that my friend Slice got to hang at the airport with Edgar Winter the other day.  Yeah, like the rad ass musician from Edgar Winter Group, albino brother of Johnny Winter (also albino and also in Edgar Winter Group) kicking ass in the 70's Edgar Winter.  That guy.  That's a cool celebrity sighting, and apparently he is a nice guy too.  Imagine that.  Sweet. Unrabble-B

Bacopolypse!

People, buy all the bacon you can.  Ron Swanson is not the kind of guy that jokes about things like this.  Bacon that is.  I'm going to the store right now.  Get some before it's all gone!  Rabble-B

Germany or Florida Again?!

Oh, you're going to pay your bill sir!  Again, only in Florida would something like this ever happen.  And they don't get arrested for having sex on a table in a restaurant, but for fighting over the bill?  Only in Florida.  They should saw off the whole state and let it float away into the Caribbean.  And take Louisiana too.  Rabble-B

Randy couple chooses busy restaurant as perfect place to get it on

Patrons at a Florida restaurant were treated to dinner and an unexpected show courtesy of a young couple, but much to their chagrin, the show came with an XXX rating. Diners at Paddy Murphy's restaurant in Orlando reported that Jeremie Calo and his date decided their table, on the restaurant's patio, seemed like the perfect place to have some sex … complete with children watching. When a manager told them to go get a room, Calo reportedly told him, "She can't get up at this time." The manager called the police, but interestingly, the couple weren't charged for getting it on because none of the witnesses wanted to give statements to police. Instead, Calo was arrested for brawling with the manager and refusing to pay his bill.

Undead with a conscience

What do vegan zombies eat?











Graaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnsss!

Rabble-B

If I was an anime character...

I'd look like this.  I'm not sure what the writing says, probably, "This guy is a douche" but it looks pretty extreme, or ok, not really since I'm just standing in a train station with my hands in my pockets, but we'll just pretend it's in space or something.  Unrabble-B

Germany or Florida? Only in Florida...

Florida man dies after winning cockroach-eating contest

View more videos at: http://nbcmiami.com.

By Isolde Raftery, NBC News

Edward Archbold was, according to those who met him on Friday night, the life of the party – a bit of a showoff who was up for anything, even a giant cockroach-eating contest.

He won. And then, tragically, he died.
Now police from Deerfield Beach, Fla., about 40 miles north of Miami, are investigating the death of the 32-year-old, who on Facebook went by Edward William Barry.
According to the Broward Sheriff’s Office, Archbold, of West Palm Beach, and several other contestants signed up to eat a variety of insects at Ben Siegel Reptiles in Deerfield Beach. After eating dozens of giant cockroaches, Archbold was declared the winner of an ivory-ball python. (The prizes, Archbold indicated on his Facebook page that night, were less significant than the glory.)

He had also entered a superworm-eating contest earlier in the night.
But after winning, Archbold felt sick and started vomiting. He then collapsed in the store and was later pronounced dead. The medical examiner’s office is conducting tests to determine a cause of death, according to the sheriff’s office statement.
On Facebook, Ben Siegel Reptiles wrote that staff met Archbold the night of the Midnight Madness sale: “We all liked him right away. All of us here at Ben Siegel Reptiles are sad that we will not get to know Eddie better, for in the short time we knew him, he was very well liked by all.”
In the comments beneath the statement, the reptile store wrote that the prize “now belongs to his estate.”

In another Facebook comment, an attorney claiming to represent Ben Siegel Reptiles wrote that contest participants had signed waivers accepting their participation in this “unique and unorthodox contest.”
“The consumption of insects is widely accepted throughout the world, and the insects presented as part of the contest were taken from an inventory of insects that are safely and domestically raised in a controlled environment as food for reptiles,” wrote attorney Luke Lirot.

Broward County

Eddie Archbold, 32, died Friday night after winning a giant cockroach-eating contest.

No other contestants felt sick, the Broward Sheriff’s Office said.
And Archbold seemed to be doing all right earlier in the night, according to his own account on Facebook. He took photos of the superworms and wrote: " Also side note im NOW in a super worm eating comp now.......what ever the hell a super worm is?"
Eating the bugs yielded valuable rewards, according to the store's Facebook page: “Eat the most bugs in 4 minutes, win the ball morph. That’s it. Oh yeah, any vomiting is an automatic DQ,” the advertisement stated. “Eat the most crickets, win a male lesser. Eat the most superworms, win a female orange belly. Eat the most discoid roaches, win a female graphite sired ivory!”
Michael Adams, a professor of entomology at the University of California, Riverside, told The Associated Press that he has never heard of someone dying after eating roaches.
"Unless the roaches were contaminated with some bacteria or other pathogens, I don't think that cockroaches would be unsafe to eat," Adams said. "Some people do have allergies to roaches but there are no toxins in roaches or related insects."
Meanwhile, Archbold's friends took to his Facebook page to remember him. Wrote one: "This goes out to one of the most funnest, craziest, and most energetic person I have ever met!!! I will never ever forget u Eddie... I don't think anyone could!!" 

Rabble-B

Gregslist

Someone found this ad while trolling the men for men missed connections on Craigslist for some reason.  He showed it to a coworker of mine and turns out this ad is for another coworker I work with on a daily basis.   SO HILARIOUS!  Too bad I wasn't in town on Sept 29th, it could've been me!  Unrabble-B

Very handsome Sports Basement worker. (Bryant and 16th) - m4m - 26 (mission district)

---

Date: 2012-09-29, 5:50AM PDT
mjx-330424651@pers.craigslist.org

---

You are at least six feet tall or a little taller,short redish hair and glasses. You have such a beautiful smile. You pointed me in the right direction of jackets. You have such a big bubble butt, I could hardly pry my eyes away. You want to meet up sometime?

Triple Crown has nothing to do with horses

So I stopped caring about baseball more or less almost 20 years ago.  And any hope of rekindling my love was ruined by Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens years ago but today, or maybe yesterday, Miguel Cabrera of the Detroit Tigers made me almost want to believe in baseball again.  He won the triple crown for the first time since Carl Yastrzemski in 1967.  That's crazy.  And until it comes out that Cabrera was on roids the whole year, I say cheers to him for almost making me a baseball fan again.  Unrabble-B

Got a trust fund?

Because if you're thinking about moving to SF you're gonna need more than a job, even a good paying one.  I found this map (click on the map to see the whole thing) that highlights the cost increase in just one year in different neighborhoods in the already outrageously priced and laughable rent market.  These are just average price listings too.  Yeah, you might find something cheaper but you'll also find plenty more expensive.  Look at the Mission, where I work, it's a great neighborhood but it's filthy dirty and kinda sketchy, especially if you're a female at night.  $2600 is the AVERAGE! price listing?  Who the fuck can afford that?!  Half, yeah that sounds reasonable.  And that's not even almost the most expensive neighborhood.  It's completely insane, landlords and the city have lost their minds. 

So yeah, if you want to move down here you might be living in Oakland, and that no cheap date either, just more of a chance your bike won't make it home with you.  Or, if you have a trust fund and a good job head on down, it's a great place and you can probably afford a few months rent before you have to move back in with your parents.  Rabble-B

Addendum

In case it isn't clear from or maybe despite the previous post, my own wedding, which was Sept. 22nd was an absolutely amazing and beautiful experience.  I love and appreciate all those folks who worked so hard to make it such a fantastic day.  I wish every day could be half as much fun and filled with people I love.  I am certainly happy to be married now, and barring my wife meeting Alexander Skarsgard in person, plan on status quo from here on out.  Giant Unrabble!-B

Thanks for Dinner

Now that I'm married and actually have time to do things other than watch my wife plan our wedding, I have a shitload more time to rabble.  And after experiencing three earthquakes, the edges of hurricane Merriam, the wrath of tropical storm Norman, the resulting flash floods and riding in our rental car while being towed through the flooded road back into La Ribera, Mexico (see accompaying photos), all on our honeymoon, I feel like anything goes.

So what's with family and friends going to a wedding, eating and drinking on someone else's dime and not giving a gift?  Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people?!  I get it, if you're broke, or just don't make a whole lot of money, I don't.  Maybe you traveled a ways for a wedding and it cost you a bit, the couple certainly appreciates it.  But for reals, how about a card?  Maybe a card that says, "Hey congratulations, so happy for the two of you!"  That's all that's really needed.  Who cares about blenders or decorative bowls or money, honestly, a fucking card with real handwriting is awesome!  It shows you appreciate being at said wedding and you actually care about the couple getting married and you're happy for them.  If that's too much to ask then maybe you need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself a few questions about your honesty and integrity.  There were probably a couple dozen folks who would've loved to attend, people the couple would've loved to invite but couldn't afford to or couldn't because of venue size limitations.  The couple chose to invite you instead of these folks because they value your friendship or family relationship and if they didn't want you there they wouldn't have invited you! 

So don't be a douche, show a little class next time you attend a wedding and buy a card, write your name under the cheesy greeting.  Maybe put a check in it if you feel so inclined.  Maybe buy a toaster, anything! that shows you appreciate the invite and are happy for the couple on the most important day of their lives.  And on top of all this maybe think about all the other wonderful, selfless people who gave the couple more money/gifts than was really affordable but it doesn't matter because they're truly happy to be included in such an amazing event, think about those peoples' efforts compared to your own.  Or, if that's too much, just decline the invite, no harm, no foul. Rabble-B

Sasquatch Jesus?

How does something like this happen?  Who was on guard the night this asshole got drunk and busted out the 3rd grade water color skills because that idiot needs to be fired.  And the guy who turned this piece of art into a trainwreck sure ain't getting into heaven now.  It looks like three chinned, handicapped Bigfoot Jesus vomiting a banana.  So sad...  Rabble-B

 Madrid –  Moisture in a Spanish church damaged a 20^th-century painting so badly that a quarter of the artwork had chipped off.
So an 80-year-old parishioner had the best of intentions: to restore the fresco of Jesus Christ, completed in 1930, to its former glory.
But what ended up happening to the “Ecce Homo (Behold the Man) painting became a national uproar, and an international embarrassment.
Celia Giménez’ retouched version of fresco of Christ wearing a crown of thorns ended up looking like a disfigured, overweight she-man with a quadruple chin and no beard.
Juan Maria Ojeda, an official in Borja town, where the Misericordia church is located, said no one realized how badly disfigured the painting was until Gimenez rang town hall to say what she had done. Town officials claim Giménez undertook the project on her own and are considering legal action against her.
Giménez claims the project had the approval of the local clergy and she did not do it on her own.
“The priest knew it,” she told Spanish television, according to the New York Times. “I’ve never tried to do anything hidden.”
The fresco is of the genre known as "Ecce Homo" style ("Behold the Man"). But on Thursday some Twitter users were dubbing it "Ecce Mono" ("Behold the Monkey").

Read more: http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/lifestyle/2012/08/24/in-botched-restoration-project-jesus-christ-becomes-disfigured/#ixzz255XKPQmC

As Far as the Eye Can See

This is what my block looks like every week on garbage day.  It's like the Pacific Garbage Patch fell into a worm hole and landed on my block, conveniently out in front of the two low income housing units.  How odd...  Really though it's like this every fucking week!  How does anyone have that much stuff in their house?!  There's only two possible explanations I can see.  One, these folks burglarize entire houses every week and whatever they can't fence they leave on the street.  Or, two, they're hoarders that are slowly getting over their addictions and ridding themselves of the piles of floor to ceiling crap they've saved for decades. 

Even better, I saw 'normal' people (read that as not obvious hobos toting around grocery carts full of bottles and cans, especially the one old hunchback, Asian man who slinks away like Gollum when hear sees someone coming) looking through all this shit for something to take home.  Seriously people, it's fucking trash.  There's a filthy mattress, broken lamps, broken toys, there's a baby doll arm hanging out of the trash bag in the right foreground of the photo.  That shit is creepy man!  Last week there was even a toilet.  A toilet!  COME FUCKING ON!  Rabble-B

Where's the flap?

Why is there any type of mens' underwear manufactured without an opening in the front?  Seriously, why? 

You know what I dislike more than anything except Burning Man?  Unzipping my fly and fishing around for the opening in my boxer briefs, not finding said opening, and having to unbuckle my belt, unbutton my pants and pull my underwear down just to take a leak.  At that point I might as well just go full Butters style and drop everything to my ankles and pull up my shirt and sing, "Lu lu lu.  Lu lu lu."

It'll ruin your day.  Trust me, make sure your underwear has an opening and a flap in the front.  Rabble-B

Step Aside Terminator

Oscar Pistorius is pretty much the baddest ass dude of all time.  And has the best nickname ever too.

Read: http://todayinlondonblog.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/08/06/13144222-oscar-pistorius-ill-cherish-olympic-race-rest-of-my-life?lite

Unrabble-B

Spin the Wheel

Just for kicks I spun the roulette wheel of the Rabble Rouser engine and here's what showed up:

Comcast tries to rip her jugular out and it hates me I cannot figure it out and rabble around. Bergamo Airport, which he funded by selling you a Jager Bomb and grabs your ass people that don't need to buy gold. Check yourself!
I pray that Arizona House Bill 2549, which is charged with one button, erase. Dick minus the zombies and neutron bombs and such of cities with everything but the government did not want to be there, all coincidentally dressed as Edward Scissorhands Stephen Hawking's costume didn't come
So Snooki and Jwoww from Jersey Shore have both become published authors recently, because more money for a short article. Alonso and Massa reacting to the darkside than all other meats combined.

Rabble -B

My City

So I recently read this amazing story about my unique and diverse city (well, the one I work in anyway) San Francisco.  It just proves there's nowhere else like SF.  It's a pretty special place.  Readit here:

http://sfist.com/2012/07/26/volume_of_excrement_in_the_wheels_b.php

Ok, did you read it?  Did you vomit? 

I ride BART most days and yeah, I've wondered why it seems like the escalators are only on about half the time.  And of course I get off/on at the 16th St. station in the Mission and it usually smells like piss and hot garbage for two blocks in every direction.  I've been through Civic Center plenty of times and it's always a treat too.  I've seen lots of shit on the street but never on an escalator. 

I mean, it's kind of beyond comprehension.  That's a lot of shit.  I can't help but get a revolting visual in my mind of bums standing in line at 3am waiting to take a giant dump at the bottom of the escalator and all that shit just oozing into the gears.  Or, at least some of it.  Some of it just sits right where it was squeezed out, waiting to greet the early commuters catching the first train at 5am.

I really do love SF and the whole Bay Area, it's truly an amazing place to live but this kind of story just makes me want to move out into the woods where there are no hobos, no escalators and the only unchecked dumping comes out of a deer.  Rabble-B

Alameda County Fair!

Man, why do I not go to the county fair every year?  It's really the epicenter of all the best and worst things about our society.  Horse races, pig races, festys, auctions, games, rides, carneys, food, holy cow the food, more animals, plants, fat people, gardens, concerts, art, antiques, heat and just about anything else you'd ever want to find in one place.  Here are the highlights:

World of rides,games and food

Scratching a goats ears

Bee face

And this happened

PIG RACES!

On a ferris wheeel

Christine and her lemur from the state of "Washingon"

Horse races

Goat rides a sheep.  No big.

Hot, sweaty and fat on a ferris wheel

Unrabble-B

Rabble Rouser

My friend Kristjan, software engineer, webmaster, Shotwell's trivia co-champion and all around genius designed a rabble generator for me and you.  Basically, it will rabble for me when I'm too rabbley to rabble or on vacation or abducted by revolutionary lemon sharks, a political prisoner under the ocean with no escape except drowning.  Or, it will just make nonsensical madness for you entertainment, which I suppose is probably more sense than some of my rabbles anyway. 

But seriously, go to http://rabblerouser.herokuapp.com/ and make your own rabble.  In the upper right corner you can choose two variables, length and how much sense you want it to make.  After you've decided you click rabble and the generator Russian Roulettes a bunch of shit and whamo! Instant rabble! 

It's what you've all been craving for years.  Now you don't have agonize, breathlessly anxious, shaving years off your life, praying for a new rabble everyday.  You can design your own.  It's like on demand cable, except better and free.  Just know that when you're lonely or frightened or lost, there's always a fresh rabble waiting in the wings to lead you home.  Rejoice my friends, you shall never be rabble-less again!  Giant Unrabble-B

FYPM

It's kind of like Michael Jackson's PYT except not. 

It's really more "Fuck You Pay Me" painted on a giant sign by a local hobo/rich kid douchebag trying to find his true self by traveling the country and living on the street in his own filth and owning a pitbull he can't care for and thinking he's got the world by the balls and the rest of us people who actually work for a living, pay taxes and try to positively contribute to better out society are just a bunch of suckers. 

You know what I'm never gonna do?  Give you anything but an incredulous, blank look.  I wouldn't  even give you a Peso you self righteous, arrogant fucktard.  I'd rather give money to the Republican Party than to you (I just threw up in my mouth a little bit).  You are just the worst kind of person, really, the worst.  Rabble-B

Rusty

Reread the last two posts now.  They had errors that I've edited.  I'm outta practice I guess.  Rabble-B

The San Francisco Bay Area

I live in the "Vegans, retired hippies, tree huggers, recycling nuts Asian students" neighborhood.  Click on the picture to see the whole map.  Rabble-B

Don't Start Performin' Now!

It pains me to know it's been three weeks since I've rabbled.  Luckily it's not due to lack of rabbling material rather I just don't know where the last three weeks have gone.  Disappeared, in a time warp.  Seriously.

Anyway, drinking pop (or any other liquid) out of a can or bottle through a straw is fucking stupid.  Lets forget about the extra, plastic waste that creates and concentrate on just how stupid drinking out of straws is anyway.  You can't control your consumption rate at all.  You're restricted to a tiny bumper to bumper highway of liquid that trickles into your mouth at a rate so slow it's impossible to quench your thirst and considering it' physically impossible to breathe while drinking you're lucky to strike the fine balance of not asphyxiating yourself but still getting a mouthful of precious sugary liquid.  Fuck straws.  Rabble-B

Uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh...........

Simply amazing.  Unrabble-B

Dude, you got an extra glow stick?

Read the following article and tell me what the stupidest part is...

© AP/ Chris Martin

Flashing wristbands cost Coldplay $640,000 a night

June 14, 2012, 3:37 PM EST

WENN Coldplay spent an estimated $640,000 a night to supply fans with flashing wristbands that lit up in time to the beat of their music at concerts.
The electronic bracelets have been worn by fans around the world on the band's Mylo Xyloto tour, filling venues with color during the group's hits, but frontman Chris Martin recently revealed that he and his bandmates were reconsidering using the cool gimmick because it was proving too expensive.
"Most of the money we're earning on the tour is put into the wristbands," Martin said. "We have to figure out how to keep it going without going broke because it's a crucial part of the concert."
Guitarist Jonny Buckland said the price of the bracelets has cost the group more than half a million dollars a night to fund the initiative, but he hopes they will be able to continue handing out the light devices for free at gigs.
He tells Bauer Radio, "It looks amazing. It just makes everyone have a great time, most of all us. And it just feels so magical."
It is not yet known if Coldplay will use the wristbands when they kick off the second leg of their North American tour in Texas next week.

Ok, if you guessed is was the fact that Coldplay makes more than $640,000 in a single show and blows it all on super lame bracelets then good, you read the headline but no, that's not what we're looking for.

If you said it was the quote from guitarist Jonny 'dumbass' Buckland about how the wristbands are 'magical' then good, you read the whole article and yes, you did choose a superbly lame ass quote by a superbly lame ass douche about a superbly lame ass gimmick that costs $640,000 a night.

If you guessed the stupidest part was the title of their tour 'Mylo Xyloto' which besides having three consonants together is almost unpronounceable and means absolutely nothing but was just thought up while getting high in your $10 million home studio then good for you, you're almost right.

No, the stupidest part about this article is the photo of that whiny, dumb sissy Chris Martin looking like a sad little puppy lost to the world singing your favorite song he probably didn't write while taking your hard earned money paid for a great concert experience and handing out light up wristbands like it's a fucking rave and we're all on E but after he walks off stage into the arms of Gwenyth Paltrow tears streaming down his face at all the money his band wasted on worthless wristbands that look like they should be in a pair of little kid's $10 light up shoes and how if he'd only rejected the whole idea in the first place he could buy that mansion on the moon that he's always dreamed up since he was a little boy on the war torn streets of England.

Yeah, if you guess that then good for you, you're right.  However, you'll be lucky to make $640K in twenty years let alone blow it all on raver wear.  So just know that Chris Martin hates you and wants you to know it.  Rabble fucking Rabble-B

I'm all hopped up on Mountain Dew

New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is trying to ban pop sold in quantities larger than 16oz.  Now, I'm not really a pop fan, it rots your teeth and makes you fat.  But, if some dumbass wants to buy a gallon of pop and suck it down that's fine.  Besides the obvious 1984, repressive government observations you can make the best part is the measure would affect movie theaters, restaurants, ball parks and the like but not grocery or convenience stores.  Seriously.  Good luck curbing obesity by making people by their 2-liter of pop and bring it into a movie in their coat pocket.  Spoiler alert: They already do! 

And so what if you can only buy 16oz of pop at the ball game?  You can just buy another one and you're back up to the 32oz jumbo drink you really wanted in the first place.  Now it just creates more waste by coming in two containers and makes you angry because you have to use two hands and precariously balance your nachos on top.

And what about Big Macs and KFC and those liquid cheese covered nachos?  And what the fuck about alcohol?  You can still buy a 40 of OE but not a 40 of Dr Pepper?  When are we going to give up trying to save people from themselves?  Everyone already knows what is good and bad for you, we don't need the government constantly telling us so.  Rabble-B

The Rabbler

Sourdough bread, lightly toasted
Oven roasted, peppered turkey
Peppered bacon (4 slices)
Swiss & white cheddar cheese
Mixed greens
Walla Walla sweet onions
Sprouts
Spicy brown deli mustard
Salt & Pepper
Olive oil (small amount)

Now I just need a restaurant to put it on their menu.  Unrabble-B

Walk Me Amadeus

Next bus, #22 in 72 minutes and 76 minutes.

Yeah, because you know what is really helpful, to wait over an hour for a bus but knowing it's not a big deal if you miss it because rest assured that another one will come four minutes later.  Yeah, that's really fucking helpful now, 72 minutes earlier.  I'll walk, thanks.  Rabble-B

Also, my grandmother turns 85 today.  Woohoo!  Unrabble-B

The Revolution in Spreading

This was spotted in Dublin by my friend Sara.  We're infesting Northern Europe.  Next stop Moscow.  Believe the hype.  Unrabble-B

"My eyes, the goggles do nothing!'

Northern Californians had the opportunity to view a rare annular eclipse last Sunday.  And nothing would stop them from seeing it apparently.  At the local Safeway in Truckee I saw more than one person hold three pairs of sunglasses up to their faces so they could look up and see the mighty eclipse. 

You know, I had no idea that three pairs of sunglasses allowed you to look directly at the sun.  Oh, that's because it doesn't, not even for a second, because it's the fucking sun!  "Well, you know, with one pair you can kind of look at the sun for just a second so I figured with three, man, you can stare at that sucker all day long." 

Yeah man you just gaze away with that open mouth drooling down your chin.  Just don't get into your car and drive off afterward.  And, don't ever have children, you dumbass!  Rabble-B

Where am I?

You know what makes me rabbley?  When like six different things get me really rabbley and I want to rabble about them but by the time I get to a computer I can't remember a single one.  Though he probably doesn't remember, Andy Warhol described it well, "My mind is like a tape recorder with one button, erase."  Or in more festy terms, I suffer from CRS, "Can't Remember Shit."  On top of that I can't hear worth a shit either.  I fear what it will be like when I'm sixty, though I'm not sure I'll have the sense to care by then so yeah, whatever.  Rabble-B

Improving on Perfection

Remember in the 80's when you were a kid?  Remember when Reeboks were the freshest kicks around?  No one could touch them.  Nike Air Flight, please...  And then they came out with the Reebok Pump!  It blew your mind, don't deny it, I was there (in the 80's that is).  Of course we couldn't afford a ridiculously priced $100+ pair of shoes but still the Reebok Pump was the new pinnacle of footwear awesomeness.

And then I found this:

I almost cried when I pick up the box, glowing blue, accented with wisps of white and brown.  My favorite cereal-that I wasn't really allowed to each much as a kid-not ruined like most other childhood memories (I still hate you Michael Bay.  See Rabble from 03/26/12) but perfection improved.  Imagine if Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Frosted Flakes had a baby, it would be the deliciousness that is Frosted Toast Crunch.  It's as good as it looks.  Unrabble-B

Slow Train a Comin' Derailed into a Fiery Wreck

Ok, onto the Train rabbling I promised. 

So, I never really paid attention to Train or their lyrics.  They're beyond terrible, and are but one of many bands contributing to the slow asphixiation or rock music, that much I know.  But maybe I should be walking the tracks more often.  Unbeknownst to me it's seems Train writes some of the most amazingly retarded and comical lyrics ever penned and it turns out their songs are highly entertaining.  None more so than the first single from their latest record. 

You Can Finally Meet My Mom is a Phd in how not to write lyrics boiled down to a single song.  I was enlightened to this fact by another blog I Genuinely Enjoy Science.  Read this blog post by Dru Johnston on his deduction of and passion for Train lyrics.  His prose and comedy I could never hope to live up to.  This is a post about Train's new song 'You Can Finally Meet my Mom'

Then watch the video.  After you've cleaned the vomit off the front of your shirt and wiped the tears from your eyes go listen to the new Jack White record I was talking about.  You'll feel better.  Rabble-B

Another Degenerate

These days it seems Dave Grohl and Jack White are the only thing keeping rock music from suffering a horribly aurally agonizing death.  What with Kings of Leon and the latest release from Train (more rabbling about Train in a a few minutes) I'm really surprised rock music is breathing at all. 

And this asswipe, Ted Nugent, gets busted for poaching for the second time!  It seems the washed up rock star and right wing nutjob, NRA loving, potential assassin (seriously the Secret Service investigated him for making threats against president Obama) and all star douche illegally killed a black bear in Southest Alaska, after he wounded another one and neglected to track it down and finish what he started.  Read about it here http://news.yahoo.com/guilty-plea-planned-ted-nugent-ak-hunt-case-073148986.html. 

And this is after he didn't learn his lesson for getting busted poaching deer in California and airing the incident on television!  What's even better he is known as a big time hunter and for speaking out against poaching.

Wow, good fucking job dickwad!  Thanks for making hunters look like a bunch of selfish Neanderthals and thanks for contributing to the agonizing decline of rock 'n roll.  You suck.  I hope you get drunk and dive into the shallow end of your guitar shaped swimming pool.  Rabble-B

PS- The new Jack White record Blunderbuss is freakin' awesome.  Buy it.

Go to the Light Redux

Check out this lady in the video, the UV rays have broiled her skin and penetrated her brain.  She's the color of mahogany.  Her skin must feel like tanned buffalo hide.  It could probably deflect bullets. 

Best quote,"I'm not going to bring my little daughter into a 90 degree bed.  I mean, that's not normal."  No shit, no it's not.  Neither are you.  Do you own a mirror? 

She could make millions as the Coppertone spokesman, posterchild for sunscreen.  For fuck's sake.  I'd guess taking her daughter into a tanning booth isn't the only reason her daughter will grow up with severe social and mental issues.  But, maybe not, I mean it is New Jersey afterall.  GTL right?  GTL.  Rabble-B

Go to the Light

What the fuck is wrong with people?!  Sunlight diet?  This is survival of the fittest in finest form.  What are you a fucking plant?  Can you perform photosynthesis?  No?  That's because while Vitamin D is good too, food and water are pretty necessary to survive these days.  Or, well, they always have been!  Should be a Germany or Florida question and it sounds like Germans have tried this already too.

The worst part about this after making the observation about starving people write the last sentence in the article about how it's such a shame because it was a Swiss person and they could've been gorging themselves on chocolate and cheese.  No, fuck you, the worst part of this story is hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of children are starving in sub-Saharan Africa because they don't have anything to eat.  Guaranteed it's plenty hot and sunny there and they're still fucking dying!  That's the real story. 

So for people arrogant and privileged enough to even try a sunlight diet, go ahead, have fun assholes.  Maybe before you embark on your enlightening quest you could express mail all the food in your house to Sudan.  Rabble-B

Woman starves to death on ill-conceived sunlight-only diet

 msn.com

16 hrs ago

​A Swiss woman managed to starve herself to death after trying to follow a sunlight-only diet, after watching a documentary of an Indian guru who claimed to live this way for 70 years. Well, someone was lying and, no offense gurus, but obviously you CANNOT live on just sunlight alone. If you don't believe that, then look into the millions of people who die of starvation and thirst every year. Unfortunately, wanna-be ascetics have been dying of an inability to put two and two (food + water = alive!) together in Germany, Britain and Australia according to the Swiss paper Tages-Anzeiger, but for this woman to starve in Switzerland, home to some of the best cheese and chocolate in the world, just seems exceptionally unnecessary.

Scandinavian or Kardashian

Can you guess which one of the photos below is a Kardashian and which one is a thirty year old, pasty white Scandinavian dude? 

They're making the same gross, contorted face that makes me think they've just eaten a bunch of grass and booger flavored Jelly Bellys on Halloween, spaced on dressing for the occasion but have to maintain their composure upon meeting each of their significant others parents at a costume party in their home and the queen of England, Stephen Hawking, the ghost of Gandhi and Captain America happen to be there, all coincidentally dressed as Edward Scissorhands (Stephen Hawking's costume didn't come off so well either). 

Regardless, can you tell which one is Scandinavian and which one is Kardashian?  Rabble-B

It's Earth Day

Think about all the toilet paper you've soiled.  Plant a tree today!  Rabble-B

Happy Record Store Day!

Today is Record Store Day.  Go to your local record store and buy some shit.  Support local businesses!  Unrabble-B

We'll Forgive the Speling

Coming to a garage door near you.  The word is spreading, believe the hype...  Rable-B

At the Helm

Levon Helm the highly respected drummer and songwriter of The Band died at age 71 today.  He was a music legend that influenced countless musicians in the last 40+ years.  It's a sad day for rock 'n' roll.  Rabble-B

Read more here.

The Ongoing Chronicles of Hobo Family Band

I saw Hobo Family Band on BART again tonight.  We were treated to two songs and they've branched out from just Beatles songs.  They jammed out Ben E. King's Stand By Me and then back to classic Beatles  Penny Lane.  They've upped the ante too with a pair of kazoos.  It was awesome.  We gave them a dollar.  Unrabble-B

The Senior Junior

Anybody ever notice that mothers never name their daughters after themselves?  I can't think of one person I've met where that's the case.  But fathers?  All the time! 

Why are we so fucking vain?  Seriously, it's really arrogant and vain man.  Unless you're the president, or Chuck Yeager or Nelson Mandela then it's really just not cool. 

And I'm not talking naming your boy after your beloved great grandfather or giving him a family middle name, in fact that's good for family bonds and identity but come on, you couldn't come up with a better name than "Billy Jr"?  That's just plain lazy.  I mean pick up magazine and just give him the first male name you read and that would be better than Norm Jr or Norm IV.  We use roman numerals to designate the difference between family members.  Dammit man, why are we so vain?!  Rabble-B

Angioplasty in a Pizza

http://www.delish.com/food/recalls-reviews/deep-fried-pizza-restaurant-la-montanara

Go to this website and then cry because deep fried pizza is not available in your city.  Then, petition your city council to initiate a publicly funded deep fried pizza joint in your town.  If that doesn't work start your own pizzaria and make millions.  If you don't have the start up capital, make it at home.  It's deep fried pizza for heaven's sake people.  It's heaven.  In your mouth.  Make it happen.  For me!  Chomp!  Unrabble-B

BOA Constrictor

Other than looking like he's having serious problems pinching one off, or a 30 foot long snake is wrapped around his lower body forcing all his blood to his head, what's wrong with this picture?  Or, rather what's wrong with this statement?  

 BOA stock tanked, they have some of the worst customer service in the nation and they're still struggling with their debacles in the housing market and this asshole gets a ginormous raise?!  Man, I'm in the wrong business.  Rabble-B

 

Bank of America CEO got sixfold raise last year

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Brendan Hoffman / Bloomberg

Brian T. Moynihan, the CEO of Bank of America was paid $7.5 million last year - six times what he got in 2010. That's according to an Associated Press analysis of a regulatory filing out Wednesday March 28,2012.

(03-28) 10:19 PDT NEW YORK, (AP) --
The CEO of Bank of America was paid $7.5 million last year — six times what he got in 2010. That's according to an Associated Press analysis of a regulatory filing out Wednesday.
The bank says Brian Moynihan's pay package for 2011 included a salary of $950,000, a $6.1 million stock award and about $420,000 worth of use of company aircraft and tax and financial advice.
It happened in a year when Bank of America stock plunged 58 percent. The bank struggled with lawsuits from investors who had bought securities backed by problematic mortgage loans.
The AP uses a calculation that isolates the value a company's board places on the CEO's total pay package. The figure includes salary, bonus, incentives, perks and the estimated value of stock options and awards.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2012/03/28/national/a101904D10.DTL#ixzz1qRXeucJL

Censor This

Oh Arizona, what the fuck?  You can't censor the American people and you can't censor the internet.  How many free speech cases do we have to go through before the FCC, corporations like Clear Channel or groups like the American Family Association get the point?!  In the United States you can't censor what people say or or think. 

So, in light of that, I am fully against bullying, harassment or intimidation of any kind.  Shit, I don't even like people I don't know talking to me.  But, I don't support blanket, indiscriminate laws or regulations applying to such subjects when it's a clear violation of free speech.  Even if that free speech is complete bullshit. 

John Stuart Mill said,
"If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."

In other words, even if some says or thinks something so incredibly stupid that no one else holds that opinion, it's still not acceptable to silence that person.  Even if it's just to reinforce the reality that the opposite opinions or actions are correct and right.  And that asshole has no more right to do it to you!

So I pray that Arizona House Bill 2549 does not pass, or the kind of government that all the conservatives think is being imposed on us by the Obama administration will actually begin to be imposed on us by those same conservatives.  Hmm...  Rabble-B

Arizona law would censor the Internet

State of Arizona

The state of Arizona could find itself in the company of countries like China and Syria for censoring the Internet if the state's governor signs a bill recently passed by the legislature.
Arizona House Bill 2549, which is now on Gov. Jan Brewer's desk for signature, was created to counter bullying and stalking. The law would make it a crime to use any electronic or digital device to communicate using "obscene, lewd or profane language" or to suggest a lewd or lascivious act, if done with the intent to "terrify, intimidate, threaten, harass, annoy or offend."
First Amendment rights group Media Coalition, which represents the Motion Picture Association of America, the Recording Industry Association of America, the Association of American Publishers and other related groups, says the bill is not only a violation of the First Amendment, but is so far-ranging as to be preposterous.

In a letter to the governor, the coalition said while government can criminalize speech "that rises to the level of harassment, and many states have laws that do so," Arizona's legislation:

... takes a law meant to address irritating phone calls and applies it to communication on web sites, blogs, listserves and other Internet communication. H.B. 2549 is not limited to a one to one conversation between two specific people. The communication does not need to be repetitive or even unwanted. There is no requirement that the recipient or subject of the speech actually feel offended, annoyed or scared. Nor does the legislation make clear that the communication must be intended to offend or annoy the reader, the subject or even any specific person.

This bill isn't the first the legislature has tackled when it comes to regulating what's said -- or seen -- electronically. Another, Senate Bill 1219, would let parents see the text messages on the phones of their children, if they're under the age of 18. That legislation remains in committee.
H.B. 2549 "would apply to the Internet as a whole, thus criminalizing all manner of writing, cartoons, and other protected material the state finds offensive or annoying," Media Coalition says on its website -- at least for now, until what it says is found to be offensive or annoying by those in Arizona. 

Awesomeness

Read this article:

http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/28/10904941-congressman-escorted-from-house-after-wearing-hoodie-in-trayvon-martin-tribute

Unrabble-B

Fuck You Michael Bay

Quit ruining my childhood heroes.  Transformers already sucked ass, the only redeeming factor was Megan Fox, and most of the rest of your movies are stupid.  To quote Team America: World Police, "Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little more than I miss you." 

So don't fucking make a movie about the Turtles.  Just don't, it's a terrible idea.  And turning them into aliens instead of mutants?  Fuck you, it's not your story, you didn't write it and you don't get to change it.  I will be boycotting any Michael Bay production of the Turtles and I'll start a national campaign so the movie flops upon release.  Don't underestimate the power of angry fans, especially us 80's/90's crossover kids.  Don't fuck with us, it's not worth it.  Rabble-B

Michael Bay's 'Ninja Turtles' Gets A Name And Age Change

The Huffington Post  |  By Sara Gates Posted: 03/26/2012 4:04 pm

This may be the last we see of the "teenage" Ninja Turtles.

Looks like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles we all know and love are growing up. The team of crime-fighting turtles, who will not be mutants in Michael Bay’s upcoming film, will reportedly not be teenagers either.
According to Bleeding Cool, the most recent update to the franchise is going by the working title Ninja Turtles.
The live action film's title has been verified, even though the age of the turtles has not, leading the rest of us to believe that Bay is indeed tossing the formerly mutant turtles as "teenagers" idea.
"It seems to be driven by marketing. Think of John Carter and how Disney wouldn’t allow for a title with either 'Princess' or 'Mars,'" an unnamed source told Bleeding Cool. And we all know how well that worked out for Disney.
The recent title shortening is the most recently announced change from the original concept, which spawned an animated TV series, several films and a line of merchandise. Bay stopped by Nickelodeon Upfront earlier this month and revealed that he would be making a significant change to the turtles’ origins -- instead of mutants, they would be aliens.
The news was received with much outrage by fans of the original series, along with Turtle alums, including Robbie Rist, who voiced Michelangelo in the 1990 film. Bay responded on his website, telling fans to "take a breath, and chill," explaining that the film's team is "building a richer world."
But that didn't stop some fans from taking to Twitter and voicing their concerns with Bay's creative liberties.